The Fourth Of July

Its a holiday in the States right now and since yesterday, we're receiving less calls. I mean yesterday, the entire 8 hours that I was on the floor, I only received 5 calls. One of which is the guest I was talking to earlier wherein I had to forward the issue to Level 2 because I knew I did everything except flushing our own firewall. And eventually Brandy did flush the firewall but the guest still wasn't able to connect. I had a feeling that it was her browser because, when I tried to assign her a proxy server, we couldn't open her internet options for her Internet Explorer. She's really nice and patient and with our conversation, I learned that she was a professor in University of California in Irvine. The issue reached our Network Operations Center and went back to level2. Unfortunately, that issue was unresolved because she still wasn't able to pull up a webpage.


And so now I have plenty of time to blog...


Anyway enough about work...



I went to the doctor again because my mom wants me to go. I recently had shortness of breathe. And it kinda started when I began using the Flixotide nasal spray. I read my brother's PIMs to look for adverse effects and it doesn't complicated asthma but cure it. The doctor said that its an anti-allergy meds and it shouldn't be a cause of the my breathing problems. So she had me go to another doctor which I then realized was a cardiovascular resident. He checked my blood pressure and he said it was normal, listened to my lungs and said it was clear and finally listened to my heart and he said he didn't hear any wheezing sound. He said he didn't see anything wrong with me. He said maybe its just an effect of the nasal spray and that it would somehow be gone when I end my medication by next month. He also requested to have my heart undergo 2 DECHO doppler, in other words ultrasound of the heart. I went back to my original doctor to get an approval of the 2 DECHO and she said I'll just call the secretary today because she still needs to check since the exam would cost P2,500 and our medicard only caters upto P1,000.

I realized in spite of having sat in the doctor's office for about an hour and a half just waiting for the doctor to be in, didn't put me in a bad mood. I mean, there are times, well most of the time, I don't mind waiting. I mean if you think about it, if you're the one who needs something, then it shouldn't be problem to wait. Me? If I badly needed it, I would not mind waiting up to 2 hours. My eyes would barely open while waiting. Good thing, 3 of my officemates were there. We chatted fot quite sometimes up until I had to get inside the doctor's office.

The first jeepney ride home (coz I had to take 2 jeepneys) was even more interesting when I saw my Tita Rena (my ex's mom). She was looking fabulous as ever, with her beautiful smile and enchanting aura. She was with her youngest, AJ whom I haven't seen for 3 years now. All her kids are handsome and pretty. She said Kane (my ex) already has 2 kids. And he's going to school now taking up food technology. Tita said he's going to teach after a year. Wow, Kane the once so disturbed boy suddenly turned father is now planning to teach. I sat there for a minute or two, silently imagining Kane teaching. Then I told Tita, "So Kane finally found what his interests lie!" And she laughed and said "Yes, thank God!". As far as I could remember Kane, aside from the good looks and notorious reputation, he was a good friend of mine. We were playmates turned enemies. The next summer we realized we liked each other and the summer after that I broke off with him coz he was seeing another girl (nope not the mother of his kids). It took me almost 1 year and a half to get over him and finally moved on to liking another guy. It was kid stuff. I was taken by the tingles when he held my hand or kissed my cheek during the 18th birthday of my cousin. When I graduated high school and started going to USC-TC, I realized I was better off with out him. HE WAS NOT MY DESTINY!

I said goodbye to my Tita coz they had to get off before USC-main. They moved again. Its like the 3rd time they moved to a different house. Well anyway, I wished her well and she told me to pray for her. She has cancer and is going on herbal medications.

I was glad to have met them and even blessed that she still remembers me...

What's on my mind right now?









Its blank...I don't know why! I'm still waiting for a call...

Post Mortem Analysis of the Subconscious

I'm once again moved by my friend's views on my dream. Here's what Doctor Doyle thinks of my dream:

doyle says:
you posted your dream twice van
doyle says:
hehe
doyle says:
i think it dus not mean anything
doyle says:
we dream of sumthing smtyms cz we think of it or we hope for it to happen pro lain lng inig interpret sa dreams..
doyle says:
i think imu dream means that u became angry wd ur crush cz he dznt sim to notice u more than a friend cz naa xay lain na gnhn pero nag hope ka na mas happy xa wd you..mau na naay sadness sa iya eyes..
doyle says:
then katu si nico, is dznt necesarily mean na xa jd tu..it means na u want to find a person na comfortable ka..
doyle says:
imu dream k simple rmn, its the cycle of love...there's pain, then jpy
doyle says:
joy^
doyle says:

and guess what on that day we saw each other...when we were having our planned dinner with the Ball-Manipulators, we sat beside each other. And we were laughing and talked and reminisce on our past dilemmas on our thesis.

And I enjoyed the night, beginning with an afternoon with our team's socialization. And guess what I felt so lucky to be included in Kate's team. I mean, I'm sure I will learn a lot and I now appreciate the monitoring that Kate does on my work. She just wants me to improve and excell in my field of work.

Well back to the dinner: he invited us to his gig this coming Friday in Kahayag. I want to go to support him. And Louise and Ian also wanted to go to support him like I do. and Louise and I decided to go and made plans. We'll have to do some chores though so that our parents will let us go out on a Friday night. hehehehe...

anyway, here are some of our pics...


Team Socialization at Don Henrico's


Partial Ball-Manipulator's Dinner at Golden Cowrie

















Ball-Manipulators minus Alain and Cathy with Daddy Luis and Mommy Janice


Okay that's all for my Saturday agenda...I'll keep you posted with my crazy life...
chow!

I had a weird dream: is this a sign???

Dreams are supposed to mean something; like if you are subconsciously thinking about that person or if something bad or good will happen to you. Right?


But with my dream, I don't know if already happened or it will serve as a warning that it may happen.


MY DREAM:
Location: my old high school USC-GHS pentagon
Characters: My crush, his ex and this guy I knew from elementary: NICO


The Scene:
I was roaming around the pentagon coz its seems that they were having a fair, maybe it was intramurals or something. Well anyway, I was looking at trinkets on this certain booth and suddenly my crush's ex girlfriend was standing beside. She was talking to her friends who were around us that time. I couldn't quite get what they were talking about but I kept on looking at her.


Then I walked away, going to a different booth. Then I saw him, my crush, sitting on one of those square plant box near the 4th grader's comfort room. He was also surrounded by his friends. Then he saw me. He looked at me with those sad eyes. Then suddenly his ex was coming up to him then sat on his lap. She was like cuddling him and he on the other hand looked very confused. He then reached out his hand to me. Something like he wanted me to go over there to free him from the bondage of his ex.


But at that moment, the loathing I felt overcame my likeness for him. I do wanted to go and save him and pull him away but then my pride and anger forced me to turn my back and walk away.


With a gloomy face and a sad heart, I kept on walking around until someone called out my name. And when I turned to look and see who it was, it was Nico. We then talked like we always do when we meet and then suddenly he asked if I would like to leave the school and go somewhere else. Surprisingly, I felt really safe with him and that I'd like to go somewhere else with him. He then held out his and I took it. I really liked holding his hand and we were walking towards the exit gate...


Then the alarm on my cellphone went off and I woke up from my dream.


ANALYSIS:
What I was wondering is that why I was dreaming of:

1.) my crush - I wasn't thinking of him when I fell asleep but well, he was the last one I received a text from. We were trying to plan a going away dinner for our friend tonight. What bother's me is I am certain that I'm not that crazy about him anymore. I mean the feeling is still there but I'm now singing "I'M ALMOST OVER YOU..."hehehe...well anyway...

2.)his ex gf - now that is freaky! I mean, I know we used to say hi and hello to each other coz she was like part of our batch but then when they broke up and she kept on seeing us together, I don't know maybe we're not friends anymore. I was reading her blogs in friendster lately and she seemed really sad and depressed. But I know she will be okay, I hope she will.

----maybe they will eventually get back together----
I mean I know that he told me that he finally decided to let her go but then who knows, maybe its just for the meantime that he thinks its finally going to end. Coz I know that he still likes her a lot.


But my question is: WHAT DOES THEIR RELATIONSHIP HAVE TO DO WITH ME???

3.)Nico - I haven't seen him since March? Now why all of a sudden he's in my dreams? I'm certain that I don't feel anything for the guy because he's not even in my circle of friends.

Finally, maybe its just nothing. A small figment of my subconscious imagination. IT DOES NOT MEAN ANYTHING....Yet....hehehe...




I really like this band... and I would like to dedicate the song: 3 Libras to my beloved crush!hehehehe

chill guyz and have a great weekend!

Thoughts from Casanova and Francesca

Be the Flame, not the Moth...
-Casanova

Okay maybe this line will apply to me. I remember my close friend Benny telling me that a person who's wanted by someone will most likely be wanted also by a lot of different people. His point was, who wants a person who is not wanted??? But then is it really possible for me to be the FLAME? coz for the past couple of years, I have to admit, I have been the MOTH! The moth to weird guys who have a weird hobby of playing music. hehehe...

Love is not does grow with the number of lovers but will fade away.
-Francesca

I won't be able to attest or defy this for one reason and one reason only. I don't have that much experience yet of being a lover and collecting lovers. I know... In my 22 years of experience, never have been in a serious or non serious relationship.

we're going to have our language training...
to be continued....

Bonding with DAD!

Last night I talked my father into watching a movie with me. Why only my dad? Well because my mom wants to continue reading her novel and my brother is studying...It pays to already be graduate because I was stripped of the part where I had to study for a test. All I have to do is finish my household chores and I can relax after.

Well anyway, I picked out this really cool flick from Video City. Its actually Chinese with an English dubbing. The story line was a typical story but I was really satisfied with the action packed scenes of kung fu and martial arts. And the guy was cute so basically I enjoyed the movie.



But really I was more thankful that me and my dad have a lot more conversations, a lot more moments to bond as father and daughter. We don't usually talk that much but now, he asks for my opinion.
I think it started when my mom left for Tacloban to take care of my dying grand mother. I was running the household and me and my dad were together all the time. He smokes less now and even goes out of the house to smoke unlike before I had to tell him to smoke outside because I cannot breathe anymore.

I'm really happy with my family right now.

As for that guy who stole my heart
please return it back to me
don't be afraid to admit that you feel nothing for me
because I cannot wait forever
for you to be able to tell me to my face
the truth of how you feel.

Remember what I told you
that I value honesty
And it would be better to hurt the person just one time
and tell that person what is true
rather than punish that person
and having that person wait in vain

I'll be doing a volunteer work in the office by giving my spare time encoding data. Well at least we'll be paid even if its just a small incentive but its additional income for me.

I am really satisfied and happy with my work, my team and the company. I am learning more and everyday, I look forward to answering every guests questions and be more challenged with their personality.

Anyway, I'll try not to flood this blog. Its quite long already.

Take care all and God bless.

Taureans' Horoscope for the day:

Take heart! If you've been feeling unfocused or underwhelmed in the recent past, the stars send you something or someone compelling enough to perk up your interest. You might even be intrigued enough to chase 'em.

I thought I would forget

At the end of the day
My face lights up
As I leave with the people that I felt safe with
I then contemplate on my day
And on those moments I laughed and joked around
I was not thinking of you
I was not even thinking even when my mind went blank
When the gush of wind blew my unruly hair
When the ride drove me to safety
And then just thinking that I was successful
In forgetting you for a day
I then laughed to myself
Here I go again
Like a merry-go-round
Admitting that I was not thinking
But actually you just crossed my mind
It was just that I was not aware
And it led me back to the beginning of things
You. The problem, your heartache, my pain.
The conversation, my laughter, your jokes.
Our stories.
And I remember always.
When there were just the two of us
And all that mattered are the words we've spoken
The songs we've sang
And the time we've spent
Holding to each other's strength
To keep ourselves sane.
I do remember. Always. I won't forget.
Even if its not meant to be...
YOu and me..

When it rains it pours...

It has been one week and 4 days since my grandmother died and 6 days since her very dramatic funeral. She was a strong-willed woman who had her fair share of laughter and tears. But the only inheritance she left for me were her words...Words of wisdom and faith, words which is painful for her children that they didn't bother to share it to their kids. I told my mom, maybe my grandmother's message was not only for them but also for us. Anyway, God bless her soul...

I remember LEXIE asking me: DO YOU FEEL THAT HE LIKES YOU? DO YOU KNOW IF HE CARES?

And I was like: Yeah he does!!!!

Yesterday I went out with my groupie in college. I thought at first it would be a girls day out but then Louise asked if Ian (her boyfriend) and one of my best buds, could tag along because they won't see each other this weekend. Engr. Wilfrid Ian Tan is already one of the faculty members of the Computer Engineering Department of the University of San carlos Technological Center and the faculty are having their team building in Panglao Bohol as this article is written.

We talked about a lot of stuff but mostly about what we did in the past and how much our lives changed since the day of our graduation...

Cathy said we must learn to adapt to the changes and I agreed with her 100%! I mean living life means going with the flow of change. We must learn to find ways to survive and keep up with each other's lives. Cathy's going to Qatar and be a flight attendant. We won't probably see each other for 1 or 2 years. But then I told her, we can always communicate through emails or friendster. I told her, when she gets back we're gonna go to Camiguin and have our vacation there.

Then suddenly I received a text message from my long lost sister: Leslie. She said her boyfriend is going to work in Manila while she'll be stuck here in Cebu. I felt completely sad because it seems that a lot of people are leaving the city to explore their career somewhere else. I felt sad for my sis coz I know that she's used to having her beau around and all but I think she will have to choose to survive this. It would probably do her good considering the fact that she became so dependent on the guy ever since they became a couple. She used to be self-reliant and very independent individual. Now, it seems that she can't live with out him around. Well I hope she's doing okay now. I'll try to hangout with her next week.

During the taxi ride to my Lola's place I realized something:

TO: That guy

Your wounds stopped bleeding
And its now starting to heal
For there's no use for a gauze dressing anymore.
The tears had dried up already
and the poor wounded soul can now once again stand up and say
I am ready to face the world.
My mission has ended...
Should I say I love you then goodbye?

From: This girl

The only way that I could probably tell him how I really feel is for me to say goodbye. And for that to happen is for me to leave this place and go off to a different country where no one knows who I am. And since I think I'll still be stuck here in Cebu for the next 5 years, then I'll keep my silence in bitter tears...

Oh well, from now on I will stop hoping for that magic to happen coz it tires me out!
I can barely breathe with everything else around me happening in less than a speed of sound...

Back to LEXIE'S question...

As of today my answer is: I'm not sure anymore whether he does care or not!!!:(

LOOKING FOR Vanessa!

Lately I've realized that there are still certain aspects that I have that gravely surprises me. I mean I know I've told myself to stop acting on impulse to get myself out of trouble but then there are just those instances wherein, heck, my mind doesn't seem to work and I act right away!

So these are the things I'm trying not to do:

1.)Hold his hand while we are walking
2.)Text him
3.)Call him
4.)Eat icecream or chocolate
5.)Eat Sbarro
6.)check my friendster everyday
7.)think of other people's opinion of ME
8.)day dream
9.)Sleep in the jeepney on the way home
10.) watch too many movies

and so far I'm successful with 1, 3, 5 and 10...the rest, I don't know...hehe...

Yesterday got a good head-knocking from my GYBF(guy bestfriend) Doyle. It was one of those moments when he's the only one that made sense in all the sea of friends I have...If you have read the tags posted on my tagboard doctor Doyle posted something like "you miss you" and when we were chatting during work, I asked if the message was intended for me. He said yes and that I should not be thinking of pleasing other people. I mean don't get me wrong but I'm not trying to please everybody else its just sometimes, I worry myself of what other people are thinking about me. I know, I know... I should not do that to myself! I mean I was sure I know me already. But it doesn't mean that there is no room for improvements right? I mean I have to admit that there are still those tiny bad habbits that always get in the way of somebody else. But for arguments sake, fine I would try to think less of other people's opinion of me and do my own thing in my own terms as long as I won't be hurting somebody else along the way.

I have read Ipay's email and the message sent was:

Effort is important, but knowing where to make an effort in your life makes all the difference..

So its not enough for me to say I did my best but also be able to know when to put in extra effort and when not to...

my horoscope for today:

Are you open-minded enough to accept the truth, or are you stubbornly insisting on your way in the face of all the facts? Make things easier on yourself and go for the first option. Let old expectations go.

How perfect, right?hehe...

I'll be leaving for Tacloban today at 4pm and be back hopefully tomorrow evening. I am happy to go there and meet up with my mom's side of relatives but then still sad to note that we only get together if somebody dies. REALITY BITES!

chill for now!

Random Quiz: by Seventeen.com

Are you ready for a serious relationship?
FULLY COMMITTED!
You're tired of flings and flirtations--you want the real deal! You'd rather work on developing an intense connection with one special person than waste your time with a bunch of different prospects. If you can find a guy that lives up to your expectations, you're ready to commit!




What signals are you sending guys?
The signal you sent is "YOU CAN TALK TO ME"
Your social grace and friendly personality make it relatively easy for guys to approach you. Even if you aren't interested in pursuing more than friendships with the guys you meet, you still treat them with respect—and they appreciate it. Just remember not to overdo it—or some guys may misinterpret your friendliness for something deeper.



Are you unforgettable?
MOST MEMORABLE
For the most part, you make a lasting impression on those you meet. Once in a while, you may act too shy (or come on too strong), but usually you strike the perfect balance between the two. You're not afraid to stand out from the crowd when it really counts—like when you're trying out for a sport or on a job interview. In new social situations, you actively participate in the conversation, giving information about yourself but also asking questions. You're smart enough to know that a big part of being memorable is remembering others. Congratulations!

So if you want to take the quiz, just visit: www.seventeen.com!

By the way, please pray for the soul of my grandmother. She died yesterday morning at age 89! I will surely miss her...

Gone are the days when we sit and talk
Gone are the laughter that brights up the room
Gone is the mentor that taught me about life
What remains is her memory
And it will be kept in my heart
And will forever be hidden there...
To: Mercedes Sabarre-Singson Granados

ILLUSIONS

I had a weird morning...

I woke up thinking that it is already 4:45 am. So I pushed myself out of bed and took a bath...I was kinda shocked why my cellphone's alarm didn't go off at 4:30 am. I finished putting some clothes on, combed my very wet hair and went to the living room and expected to see that it was already 5:15am. Well guess what it was just 3:15am...I was like 2 hours early to go to work. I double checked coz may be the clock in the living room's not working again so I looked at my cellphone and it was really just 3:15am! Ohhh...I was appalled. did it mean that I was sleep walking or that I was just dreaming...I went back to sleep in the coach.

I miss him
I miss his presence beside me
I miss the sound of his laughter
I miss the look on his face when he tries to express how he feels about something
I miss our walks and when his hand brushes on mine
I miss the smell of his perfume
I miss our conversations
I miss his teasing me
I miss our arguments
I just miss him terribly...
bottom line: I'm going crazy!

I really like this actress:



This is Keira Knightly. She's such a versatile actress, she speaks well and she's really pretty...

well, its going to be my day off tomorrow and monday! And I don't have plans yet. so if you want to go out, just give me a ring!

chill!

My CallTek Family

I have been on the floor since May 25, 2006 and so far in spite of the few irate callers, I'm quite loving my job.Why?

*The mere thought of being able to be of help to someone brightens up my day.

*I already feel the sense of belongingness with my team.

*According to my Team leader:Kate, don't limit yourself with the designation that you have right now, learn more and explore all the possibilities.

*Every time the phone rings its like swimming into the unknown and finding out that there is a treasure to be found and that is knowledge beyond the unknown.

*I am now able to help my family, paid for my brother's tuition fee and bought some things of my own.

*I have found new friends, friends whom I feel will be for keeps. =)

Poetry day!

If
by Rudyard Kipling

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too:
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream---and not make dreams your master;
If you can think---and not make thoughts your aim,
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same:.
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build'em up with worn-out tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings,
And never breathe a word about your loss:
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with Kings---nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much:
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And---which is more---you'll be a Man, my son!


my horoscope for today:

Are you aware of how big an impact you make when you enter a room? You should be. The world reflects your burgeoning personal power back at you. Enjoy your charisma and view it as the celestial gift it is.

Random thoughts...

Horoscope for the day!

You have a special bond with someone in a very different age range. You may question how this looks to people on the outside, but in the end, their opinions don't matter. You know how special this relationship is.

I went to school yesterday and took some pictures for our yearbook...Well I was not the one taking the pictures. More like the critique of the shots taken. It was like traveling back to those days wherein my world revolved around school and my friends. Well yesterday was one of the most satisfying days of my life... I get to hang out with one of my most favorite persons in the world! He talked to me about his past relationships, gimmicks, subjects and whatever it is that he did during those days...and I was like a sponge (Spongebob), absorbing all the information I could get, trying to put the pieces together, trying to figure out who this person really is and if my heart would be safe if ever I decide to surrender again!

We talked some more over Kublia's and there I realized that when it comes to view on relationships, we have the same ideas. And I was kinda shocked when he asked me about my past relationships. Well lets just say more like embarrassed of the question since, relationships, serious ones are quite scarce for me. ONly had one relationship when I was 13 or 14! My gosh that was like ages ago.hehehe...Then I asked him if feeling the tingles is the same with feeling happiness with that person. Then he said no, its different coz when you say happiness, what comes along with it is also contentment and satisfaction.

Then I told him about the perception of me being too good to be true and ending up being boring. He said that sometimes its true but when it comes to me, he said I don't have to change anything about myself. He also said that he's past GFs told him that he's too good for them...Huh???You see, I'm not such a party animal...my night life is non-existent with a couple of parties but I rarely go out to clubs and such. I do love to dance, disco and drink but mostly, I feel that its too inconvenient for me to got out. And then I was happy coz he said its okay and that if he didn't have gigs with his band, he'd rather stay home also. He's a family man and I really admire that aspect. Such a plus!

and then he said, we should be glad we were brought up the way we were, with our parents being strict and all. Coz with that we learned to appreciate things and we have our own principles and values.

its really nice to be with him, one of the persons I could open up to with out having to think of what I'll say or do...well except for the part about my true feelings for him. hehehe

and we kinda have this understanding that honesty is really important and we'll try to be honest with each other from now on!

So much for yesterday! I'm having a blast here doing work! Good thing I didn't get an irate guest...hehehe:)



Well till then! Chill...

Taureans' Horoscope for the day!

A tiny gesture goes much farther than a dramatic overstatement. Learn to watch and wait before you act and you'll see the exact moment where you should make your move. Trust yourself to make the right motion.

how can this message be pretty convenient and timely for me...I mean, I have been searching for a sign, from God or from somebody else to give me a very good advice and here comes my horoscope for June 3! hahaha...


Anyway, I watched the movie Domino last night and once again enjoyed the independence and strength of a woman. Domino was a lost soul but she found justice and peace to what she did as a bounty hunter when she did the heist for the operation of a baby girl.
Its really hard to be placed in a situation where in you really need to engage yourself in danger. Anything for a good cause...

Well if you have time, this movie is highly recommended...Action packed and Keira Knightly is really an awesome actress...

Finally tomorrow I get my day off...Rest day!!!

Take care and Godspeed to all!

Krishna askes me if I agree to the saying:

Patience is a Virtue!

Oh well, yes a very difficult virtue to acquire and learn!

I mean, I believe that every person has patience but it all boils down to up to what extent. No matter how much we try to be logical about things, be patient with the situation but we do have limitations. Most especially if people or circumstance test us with utmost annoyance! Its a challenge though on our part, as TSE's...

I had an irate guest today who was already connected but just wanted to air out his concerns. He was getting angry at me for asking too many questions and not saying exactly the same words that he utters. I give him that, he feels that I was not listening. And given that he was already frustrated, my probing got him boiling. And at that moment, I tried to feel what he feels and think of the things I wanted to hear if I was in his shoes. So I repeatedly apologized and admitted that I was wrong in assuming that I did understand him! And when he restated his concern, I repeated everything as how he said it and it kind of eased him a bit. I assured him that his concern will be forwarded to the management!ohh...that was tough! I'm pretty sure that he didn't get to me but he wouldn't hang up. Well anyway, that's over and I'm glad in the end, he didn't hate my gutts!

Well they say that being in a call center is such an easy job! but let me tell you this...being in a call center is a very difficult job! it would test your intelligence, your customer service and alas, your PATIENCE...it will grill you till you get burnt but it would also put a smile to your face knowing that you were able to help...Maybe I am cut out for this...

Maybe all we need is just a little PATIENCE...haha...

I finally had something to write about...something of substance...

Anyway, the day ended again and I am smiling still...

God bless to all!!!

Pride and Prejudice

Well I know I kinda promised to give you my review on the movie but when I roamed around national bookstore yesterday, I found the book and decided to buy one on my payday.

And so I must postpone my review on the movie.

No really, I don't have anything to say about the movie except that I liked it and most of the scenes got me like bolt of lightning...still sends a shiver down my spine...

I don't really know why every single nice movie I watched I can relate to. It seems that I have certain experiences which seemed kinda similar with the plot of the movie. Maybe its always like that, its not as if the stories are not based on people's lives.

Well enough said about the topic...

Yesterday was one of the best days I had. Got less calls but fortunately I was able to solve most of it. And when we had a meeting for the yearbook, he was there. I was so glad to see him and talk to him about what's he been up to lately...

What I don't understand is that when we're together, I feel so safe and so contented with what we are and what I am to him.

But when I don't see him and miss him, I would tell myself that I would one day tell him that I like him but I ended up admitting that I cannot do that to our friendship.I am confused and I also am confusing every single person who knows about this. hahaha... It seems that I am not making sense anymore...

Oh well, he's going to borrow my digi cam next week coz he's going to take pictures of TC for the yearbook. I'm so jealous coz I wanted to practice photography and its going to be a great opportunity but then I have to work...

Anyway, he says he's going to take care of it...so we'll see...hehehe...

Till next time...

by the way, try to check out this site: goddesslexie.blogspot.com!I'm going to add it to my links...Loved the site and I'm sure you will too...

bye and take care!

I'm done with work and I feel really good...

Felt that I have accomplished something today and that would be:

1.)improved my customer service
2.)bonded with my buddy
3.)found a new friend -->lexie

well i know its only 3 things but its major...

well anyway, lesson for today???

be very keen on details!

and by the way, I watched Pride and Prejudice and unfortunately Canence, it didn't put me to sleep. It was a very moving, interesting movie...

my review would be due tomorrow...hehehe:)

I tried to believe in that "first impression never lasts" saying...But then why is it that everytime I give it a second chance on knowing the person it seems that they are getting worse. I mean take this guy for example, I got pissed of (forgive my french) by his aggressive behavior. Well I was not the only one who felt offended by his forwardness but then we had to live with it because he's one of our team mates... so I tried to avoid him coz I might end up insulting the hell out of him.

And today, since Vanessa is in a good mood, I tried to give it a second chance. And guess what, he's still the way he is.

It just boils down to one conclusion: He is who he is...And I or anyone else for that matter can change that!

WE CANNOT CONTROL OTHER PEOPLE BUT WE CAN CONTROL OURSELVES!

So there goes my pet peeves for the day!

I hope I can see him(wink) soon!That would be such a treat!!!

No not the latter...YUCK!!!

A dose of mushiness...

It took me a while to realize that what I need for my day to be complete is a pinch of tingles.

Just say my name and I'll be in cloud nine...
tap in the shoulder and I will dream of you
And when you talk to me don't look away
Look me straight in the eye
coz even if you won't feel what I feel
if you see right through my wall
I would die in peace
Just by knowing that you exist...

One of those Days!!!

One of those Days!!!

I’m not myself tonight...Well not my strong self that is. Passivity and paranoia over things keep haunting me right now. I just finished textin’ my friend and planned for a hook up this Saturday night. Haven’t seen some people for ages now and well the only way I could snatch them from their busy schedule is when I declare that I will celebrate my birthday! Yeah... Its really that hard...Anyway, back to my self loathing...

It seems that this is always the case with me. I meet some guy, spends time with him, becomes his friend then eventually turns into his close friend that I would almost seem like a best friend and end up falling for that guy...Arggg...Its really frustrating! Its like my relationships seem to have a pattern of some sort. What sucks is that in the end, when I have given all of me (well not really all of me), when I have finally let my defenses down and raised the white flag of my heart, they ran off with some girl who they think is right for them. My heart might have scared them off...Or maybe they think of me as a sister and feels weird...

I know what my problem is...Its my heart. Or is it my entire being that’s causing all this sad and lonely life stories to occur. *Sigh* Fate is playing tricks on me. When will it ever stop spinning and finally point the bottle towards my very existence? When will all this convincing that there is or there is nothing there for me to hope for? Why is it always end up being this complicated?

I know I must live my life by the moment and be grateful for what I am, what I have achieved and what I have right this very instant...I have no right whatsoever to ask for more than this...

So I’ll shut up now and swallow this lump that’s slowly filling up my throat!

Saying goodbye and taming a wild bore

Its been two days since my rainy 22nd birthday. The party was great and everybody was happy, and yes it does include me because aside from my family being there including my nephew and my Aunt Baggy, both my old and new friends were there.

Today we had to say goodbye to two of our team mates. Sonny and Tristan...

Sonny, the law student was kind and truthful...although he played mysterious guy right from day one but then he's really kind and caring and he's like the older brother I never had.

Tristan was the Mr. Know-It-All guy who said that I was a moralist. Oh well its his opinion of me, and he is entitled to his own opinion. He's really a very articulate guy and although most of us can't understand his attitude, I always thought he is a very talented person.

Most of the girls cried. I was sad and wished that the company could've given them a second chance and gave us time to help them improve what they needed to improve but then as what the president said, they need to let go because the company has its standards which should be met to attain the stability it so protects.

I know Sonny's going to be a great lawyer, truthful and with heart.

And Tristan, well maybe he would make it to Pinoy Big Brother...

As for me, I fear for Friday. We're going to have another evaluation. But then, as what I tell Jesus everyday...I trust in You Lord!!!

How do you tame a wild bore?

My brother seems to be way over his head. Yeah he hasn't reached 21 yet and he already thinks he's always right. And one thing that I hate is when he talks back to my mom. She deserves better. I just wish and pray that he would someday grow up and develop patience and responsibility of owning up to his mistakes. I don't want to argue nor fight with him or anyone for that matter. I want peace in my home and in my life...

So you would ask, how's my heart???

Well, its excited and hopeful...

EXCITED because I had realized that I am now ready to eradicate those standards that I had set for my dream guy...That I am now more mature at how I look at relationships and very open in meeting anyone for that matter...

HOPEFUL because in spite of my HT's passive attitude towards our complicated friendship, he's still here... he may not be the guy who would catch me when I fall but I know he'll be there when I wanted a shoulder to cry on...

REVIEWS:

Guys you have to read Jessica Zafra's book Twisted... Its amazing and well written...Realistically humorous and well defined. So grab a copy now!!!

2 Strikes and I am still Standing

I'm getting used to the MAC OS 10 environment that I think I'm loving it. The other day we used Canence laptop but yesterday we used the president's. Hehehe...

Well anyway, yep received 2 strikes from 2 different people, well actually 2 of my team mates in CallTek! What got me is the realization that they see me that way. It occurred to me that even in my innocent foray of the complexities of the human mind, I am still at awe at my own self.

HE THINKS THAT I AM A MORALIST!!!

Am I really? I told them that I am not, well I think I'm not! Having my own values and principles in life doesn't make me a moralist. I don't shove in people's faces my beliefs. I don't even know where they came from. I guess it just sprung from the different experiences I have. I feel the need to talk to my friend Maje. I know she's the only person who could bring some light into this confusion.

I AM SO GOOD THAT I ENDED UP BEING BORING!!!

Well I don't know about this but I know I have tried to change myself several times but always end up being the same ol me. Its hard to be bad! Its even harder to be good. I asked my friend Sue to elaborate on the matter and she told me that I am such a typical girl, good character, highly intellectual, good family background, pretty(she said it not me) and a great friend but all of that seems so boring.

I guess most guys want wild women! I am wild if I wanted to but to a certain degree...

I don't know, maybe I do need a make over of some sort. Maybe I should look at my life and find out what's missing.

But I have to take one step at a time. Live the moment.

And I have once again gotten to the point where I know I must let go of the ravine that I am hanging...

It takes time and effort and willingness...And my heart is willing...


So tell me people, am I a boring moralist???

CallTek Always

We're having our practical quiz right now and I just finished troubleshooting MAC 10 OS...took me 8 minutes...I didn't study that is why it took me a long time to figure out that the Airport was turned off.

But definitely, MAC is easier to understand and to troubleshoot. Its just that we are used to using Windows XP that is why the environment is pretty alien to us.

Anyway, I passed the qualification exam for TESDA's computer technician training. But unfortunately the training already started last April 17th and they already covered the entire motherboard. So I'll have to take the training on June. Well that would depend on my schedule coz by that time we would be on the floor: LIVE!

Yep, CallTek Always...I think I'm going to have a bright future here.

As for he-who-must-not=be-named, well I'll try to forget him for a while. Take him out of my mind...so for a while would be a long time...I don't know how long though...I just know that I have to.

Could I do it?

Welcome to the real world

I'm here in my work right now, yep I did join the CallTek family. Its great here. Even before, you know still got doubts even if I already signed the contract last March but then now, I can say that heck, I made the right decision...

Right now, we are still having training, and still is the fun part of training so here goes...


Met lots of interesting people and I have talked again to the new friends I acquired here when I was still having my OJT.

Its just amazing how many types of personality there are and the challenging part is dealing with each one with out having to offend anybody.

I miss my college buddies though...Louise is in 1 & 1 also being a technical support engineer there together with Chen. I haven't heard from Ian in a while now, I wonder if already has a job. Alain and Cathy are still jobless but then I think they are looking already. Ben is still in Ozamis, he said he's developing a software for their company. Filden is looking for a job here, just got back from Surigao. I haven't heard from Tonette and Stan and Karl...

Oh well, I think I'll be seeing them in May...On my day...

I miss him...tried not to think of him during training and yes I did accomplish that but then when I go home, tired but happy, I go back to my old habit of thinking...heheheh

HERE WE GO AGAIN! ANOTHER ABSURDITY

I feel that Camus' words and works reflects on me right now...

OkaY my college life is now slowly concluding and yet I still feel so empty, so deprived of experience. It seems that I haven't met enough people to testify that I understand human nature...

but the other day, when I arrived in SM for our 2nd Exhibit, I found out someone was using my pc playing Dota and I was supposed to catch up on some SoftEng work before spectators come pouring in...There goes my pet peeves again! So what I did? I went down and checked out possible fabrics for my dress for our ball...

Afterwards, I transfered to the shoe section to find the perfect shoe...

Somewhere along the way, I tried to decipher why I am in a bad mood...Was it because, my crush's morning greeting was once again started with a mockery? Or was it the fact that up to now, I cannot quite convey honestly and verbally how I felt even if I was on the right place?

So it hit me, hit me hard!

All my life, the only thing I wanted in dealing with other people and to better love the people I value is to understand the totality of their person. But how could I even begin to understand them, when I myself don't understand me, most of the time!

But then again, I'm still discovering me, and it takes awhile, perhaps a lifetime to justify that.

All I want right now is an assurance that I will graduate and that I do have a job!

everything else will fall into place right after that...

even...nevermind...

I'm reading his book right now! maybe I could share to you some lines after I finished it... for now, as what IPaY says,

CHILLAX!!!

THE TINY FROG

A friend emailed this to me and I just wanted to share it with you! Thanks to Ms. Louise Mae Arbiol!

Once upon a time there was a bunch of tiny frogs.... who arranged a running competition.

The goal was to reach the top of a very high tower.

A big crowd had gathered around the tower to see the race and cheer on the contestants....

The race began....

Honestly:

No one in the crowd really believed that the tiny frogs would reach the top of the tower.

You heard statements such as:

"Oh, WAY too difficult!!"

"They will NEVER make it to the top."

or:

"Not a chance that they will succeed. The tower is too high!"




The tiny frogs began collapsing. One by one....

Except for those, who in a fresh tempo, were climbing higher and higher....

The crowd continued to yell, "It is too difficult!!! No one will make it!"

More tiny frogs got tired and gave up....

But ONE continued higher and higher and higher....

This one wouldn't give up!

At the end everyone else had given up climbing the tower. Except for the one tiny frog who, after a big effort, was the only one who reached the top!

THEN all of the other tiny frogs naturally wanted to know how this one frog managed to do it?

A contestant asked the tiny frog how he had found the strength to succeed and reach the goal?

It turned out....

That the winner was DEAF!!!!

The wisdom of this story is:

Never listen to other people's tendencies to be negative or pessimistic.... because they take your most wonderful dreams and wishes away from you -- the ones you have in your heart!

Always think of the power words have.

Because everything you hear and read will affect your actions!

Therefore:

ALWAYS be....

POSITIVE!

And above all:

Be DEAF when people tell YOU that you cannot fulfill your dreams!

Always think:

God and I can do this!


MY HOROSCOPE FOR TODAY!

You're willing to move on and eager to make up for lost time, but is the other person in this equation feeling as magnanimous? If not, don't be too quick to pick up their slack. It takes two to tango, you know.

Thanks to you, I got through the toughest day of my entire life...It was a huge miracle that I had that much confidence to face the panel members. You inspired me and helped me believe in my own capabilities. Because you were so sure that I would make it, I also believed that I could...So who ever you are, thank You! I am grateful to have you...

Post Mortem: Documentation

We finally passed our documentation for the project yesterday. We were 39 minutes late…It means that there might be a chance that our final grade will be deducted 5%! I know that totally sucks because I placed all my energy into it. My head bled the night before and even on that day. Post mortem: severe headaches that would last for hours and would only be remedied by sleep, which I still don’t have enough.

So what have I learned from all this rush and never-ending dilemma???

I actually improved my patience. I have learned to shut my mouth even if I was already steaming with anger. I kept my focus on what I was doing instead of wasting time nagging at some useless person sitting next to me.

I learned to humble myself in times of me being wrong and even if I was already provoked, still I would try to rationalize things and think things over a thousand times before I do something stupid.

I am thankful that in spite of all the hardships and frustrations I had been through because of this project, I am still standing and I am still eager to finish this… The thing is, because of all the problems I had and I was able to get pass, I am inspired to do the things I still need to do. It seems that the force I needed to go on was in fact the same force that would cause me to cry. Weird isn’t it? But in spite of me crying and giving up, I am now willing to exert more effort into it.

My shock absorbers are very helpful because they were there with me when I needed to talk and needed to rant about what was happening to me and my group mates for the project. And what’s great about being with these 3 persons is that every time I am with them, these are the moments that I felt free of problems. I mean when I am with them, we do talk about problems but then end up laughing about it. Its when I had tears in my eyes and gas in my tummy because of this one joke we couldn’t get over with. And I do miss them when we don’t get to see each other in school or don’t get to hang out but then seeing them again after several days makes the waiting worth it.

My horoscope says that I should be grateful for having things that I need and that I am way blessed because of the things that I have and which are of greater value.

Damn right I am!

And up to now, I still surprise me… Its not that I don’t know who I am, its just that sometimes I surprise me because I am not aware that I have this certain effect on people…Maybe when I least think of myself is when most people notice that I exist.

I just hope that he-who-must-not-be-named would notice that I do exist and if he does then I hope and pray that he would notice that I CARE!

Gosh what a night...

Had to help my friend cathy and fill her in with what we did during training since she went to Manila for her cousin's wedding. I really had fun talking to her since she makes so much sense but then even if she's that sensible, she can also be extremely funny...had coffee with her and alain...twas fun and we talked about stuff...

anyhow, im still contemplating on whether i should continue with this craziness im in...I know i kinda promised myself that i would concentrate on my work and studies and won't let any distractions take my focus away from my priorities...but then here goes my heart again...playing tricks again...and here I am, back to square one... I tried to stay walled up but he keeps on breaking my defenses down. you might ask me how...but then I can't go into details here...

All i want right now is to show him I care, not just because I admire him but then its more like I want to be his friend...maybe by then I would understand him better and I would know my place...

he'll be on my mind -- from norah jones' don't know why

Horoscope and the like...

My Horoscope for today...

for Thursday, January 19:

You've got big plans for later on in the evening, but before you can get to that, you've got to tackle your 'to-do' list. While it looks substantial now, taking care of items one by one will be more efficient than you think.


Do you want to know what my plans are for tonight????


Oh well I plan to not go to sleep again...

I plan to solve this problem of UART, Universal Asynchronous Reception and Transmission in Matlab...Its kinda difficult coz its not your everyday programming thing...

I plan to refine my speech and do well in our mock calls tonight...

Well basically that is all that's on the menu tonight...

maybe FATE will add some more...

Chow!

I'M ON MY WAY TO A HUGE MAKE-OVER

When you said something to someone you care so much about and afterwards you felt bad about saying it, DO APOLOGIZE. Say you are sorry even if you think that you were correct. Well the mere bad feeling that's there even if you are logically right makes it all wrong. You won't lose anything coz if we would talk about pride, if it were somebody else maybe I would have second or third thoughts but with someone who's close to you, why risk a day of that person feeling bad or disappointed about the whole thing...

Anywayz, training's going great...Just don't be shocked to hear me go slangy while talking to you...Our trainer Gina told us that its not Slang coz that would mean street language. Gina is a great at what she does...She's also fun. Although we haven't hanged out yet coz of course she's an employee and I think she's already Level 2 but then I feel so open towards her...

Another learning I might add is:

Always question what you want!!!

And I've decided to apply that everytime I feel so impulsive. Maybe it would keep me out of trouble...

Please pray for all of our batch, that we could finish our projects and graduate this March...

CAN'T HARDLY WAIT!

This is from Seventeen.com...

The feisty nature of the Aries boy will amuse you to no end, and he'll look to you for a steadying presence that keeps him from getting carried away.Your sign ruler, Venus, will be enticed by his Mars-ruled ability to quickly decide what he wants and go after it. You'll love watching him excel at sports or business, and he'll appreciate your encouragement to stick with what he's already started. He might have to prod you from time to time, but one thing's for sure: the passion between you will be intense.You can help to balance one another's tendencies toward extremes, but if you decide he's a keeper, avoid nagging this independent guy. Plentiful compliments and a subtle way of guiding him will work best when you need to persuade him. You and your Aries guy will learn that a balance between action and determination will help you build a fabulous life together.

It seems that I am still confused with things.

But let me just say this, and I know this may sound far out or shall I say too soon to say but believe me this is how I see things between us right now...

Honestly I don't expect him to like me perce! Its not that I don't believe that he would its just that I got tired of the feeling of you know, expecting...

I am grateful that we're friends, although not that close coz I realized that I am still getting to know the different personas he's playing in this movie of ours...

And so far, all is going well with my life right now...

Everything is in place: got work at CallTek, project's progressing(Thank God!) and he's constantly there to make me laugh and listen to me...hahaha...^__^

IN OTHER WORDS: I AM CONTENTED!!!

How could I make myself forget you for a while...???

I'm watching you watch over me and I've got the greatest view...

Everything's going smoothly with our project although sometimes it really wores me out just thinking of all those modules we lack and with so little time...I'm supposed to go to TC and meet with Luis, our adviser. I hope we could finish the Matlab part so that it wouldn't be too scary since Jan.18 would be the deadline for changes and we need to at least put up all the modules before that day.

Had my first day for OJT in CallTek last night and so far it was fun. I'm kinda eager to polish my English since I know even if I have random thoughts and endless words(if my brain is not freezed) I still stammer especially if I get nervous. We were a noisy batch, says the HR, Ms. Arnie...She's got absolutely amazing accent and even if sometimes her voice kinda hurts my eardrums but she's cool...not too lenient...not too strict...in other words, she knows her place...

And I should know mine...

I want to stop liking him...Why?

Coz I don't want distractions at this time...its crucial...you know!well you wouldn't know coz you're not in my place. But then I see him almost everyday, we talk or rather if I opted not to talk he would do everything to get my attention. I should set aside all this insane thoughts and focus on what's essential..but its hard...I couldn't stop thinking of him that even when I wake up in the morning, I realized that I just dreamed of him...how sad...coz I know he doesn't see me the way I like him to...

uh oh...gotta go...

chill!!!

GET REAL AND DEAL

Sensuality

What a word...

Toto says:

WHEN YOUR HEART GETS BROKEN ITS THEN YOU WILL DISCOVER YOUR SENSUALITY...

I don't know about that but for me, when my heart got broken it wasn't long enough before i placed back the broken pieces together...it was hard but then patience still is a virtue and I guess I just realized that I have plenty of time and so far that's all I need...

Merry Christmas Darling...

so its the day for the eve of Christmas (am I right?) and yet i don't feel as if its the holidays...its not like before, 2 days before christmas me and my cousins all gather up in the "big house", baking, wrapping gifts and preparing for whatever it is we're planing to do on christmas eve...but then now, i don't know i feel so empty and unprepared. like its not that special anymore...
maybe its because our family's incomplete...my uncle linus is not around to give us the laughs and cheers, my aunt digna and ping is somewhere in reno diggin their own party...and molly, sweet molly is off having christmas with her new family...it makes me completely sad and lost...
but then again, i should be grateful...Why?because apart from the fact that many of my loved ones left for different reasons, my immediate family is sticking around...my dad still drinks alot but now that im 21, i kinda understand why...i don't question his motives anymore but once again thank God that he still lives despite of the booze and cigarettes...my mom still thinks im this kid who needs to be monitored but if she wasn't doing that i'd definitely be lost...my brother still nags my head off...but then i learned patience from him...what a family huh...oh well...there's still a lot of things to be grateful for...i think im still lucky to have them than having no family at all...
and here i am contemplating on my pathetic lovelife...im not heart broken anymore...i just feel empty...its as if this void exists because it needs to be filled up...and the very person who i think would be the perfect remedy to this crazy loneliness doesn't even seem to care...yes we are friends...are we close, it depends on how you define close! question is: am i smitten? well up to now, i still don't know...why? because up to now i haven't fully understood or found myself in the verge of loving or falling in love...
so my conclusion to all of this is that: well, i must admit i haven't really gotten into that stage of staying in love...yes i have fallen but after a couple of months or weeks even, i'd bounce back to my sanity...
i'll miss him over the christmas break, i'm not sure if we'll communicate!you see im not one of the most important persons in his life...but right now, he's one of mine...^_^

have a very merry christmas everyone and a blessed new year...

love you! mwaah mwaah mwaah

Wish LiSt 1

my wish list:

the material version 1:

1.) a cute belt
2.) black or purple new craze flipflops
3.) a pair of star earings
4.) purple or green ballet shoes
5.) new cellphone hehehe:)
6.) digital cam 3 megapixel would be okay
7.) tank tops
8.) chronicles of narnia book
9.) a purple long beaded necklace
10.) a fiona apple cd (new album)

well thats the first part...^_^

POST RETREAT VANESSA...

It has been 2 days after our Batch Retreat...I am at peace with the two people i ignored, avoided and feared...It was better than probably making out with my crush...yeah as if I knew the feeling, unfortunately at 21 I'm still a virgin lips...hahaha...Like Drew said in 50 First dAtes "nothing beats the first kiss"! And so anyway, I told him that I really liked him but you know what, I couldn't bring myself to tell him that I did actually love him...It was hard to say the word love. For me it would seem as if I'm extremely hopeless and void of inspiration. Oh well, the only consolation to my very "Loser" act is that in spite of me crying, I aslo saw tears in his eyes...maybe because of pity, I don't know. I don't actually read minds especially his...after the weeping and feeling of emptiness comes an unexpected candle from my constant bickering buddy!hehehe...didn't expect him to give me one...^_^ and the night ended with a deep realization that "God does exist", that time does heal, that I am not a cynic, that I couldn't stay angry for a very long time and that I am now free of any pain and anger that I tried to eradicate but eventually shadowed my mornings. I was so happy, taking pictures with friends and schoolmates that I ended up gulping the gin my classmate handed over. It was only one shot then I got into the shower before enjoying the night singing and taking more pictures...I even got a great massage from someone unexpected. The following day, with uplifted spirits, I honestly wrote to my batchmates what I actually see in them. Its hard to describe someone in writing, its even harder to listen to all those complements they told me during our "Circle of Life" session where one plays Zacheus and the other Jesus.

^_^bing told me however not think too much of **** but rather enjoy every second I spend with him even if it means putting up with all those stories of girls I know and girls I do not know of, even if it means that I have to keep on retracting every teasing he'll throw at me and even if I lead him to still believe that I like this guy that eventually is way far from the person that he is.

^_^hanging out with him and accepting all that he is makes me realize that I like him even more. He is truly one in a million...

^_^once again I have so much to tell...
^_^once again I have a reason to smile more often than usual...
^_^once again I am urged to write songs...
^_^and finally once again I am slowly believing that God does create wonderful Love stories in HIs time...

Peace out!

So what am I feeling these days?

More of jitters...

our group's project will be checked on Feb. 27, 2006 9:30 am to be exact...

we don't communicate that much anymore...

violence still exists in tc...

i have this bad feeling that what happened last december will happen this december...

once again paranoia sets in...

Without music life would be a mistake.

-Friedrich Nietzsche

good morning...

its 9:12 and my mind is spinning on ideas and things to do...haven't had break fast yet and here i am browsing the net already...i was kind curious of something when i woke up this morning...if you're asking what it is just ask me personally...its kinda personal...

anyway, im looking for ideas from different philosophies...i don't know where the interest came from but i think i'll study camus, kant and the others again...

i've been browsing pictures in friendster and it hit me...I AM MOVING ON! the feeling is not there anymore...im not even numb anymore! i guess that's great considering we'll be graduating soon, God willing...

anyway, i know i kinda promised myself i'll blog more often...il try that...

have to go though...i still have some stuff to do...

important thing is, somebody makes me smile in the morning again!

Thank you Lord!

some things are just out of my control and it sucks, it really does... but then I am grateful that they are...

God always has a reason for everything...

Dragonslayer

After such a long time Im going back to slaying dragons again...I have contemplated so many times of writing my thoughts but then most of the time, the most amazing realization comes when I am riding the jeepney or when I'm walking...I wonder what triggers these thoughts?

Anyway, I decided to blog at least 3 times a week...hahaha...as if I have internet when I move back to the apartment...

So why am I grateful today?

First of all: BECAUSE I HAVE BEEN GIVEN ANOTHER DAY TO MAKE A DIFFERENCE IN THIS WORLD!

...I finally have all my schedules for my classes which by the way only falls on MWF and one Saturday class for my Software Engineering. It took me 4 hours to get it done. Lots of lines to cut...hahaha...

...I saw Maje today and wow, I can't believe how much I miss her classes and reading her ideas in her blogspot. She just makes so much sense that it would seem as if she's writing my thoughts too...Weird isn't it? Well she asked me how things were and even brought up someone's name but then I was happy with things and finally I have let go of all the feelings of remorse that used to reside. I am glad and grateful I got through that "white squall".

...I saw my grades from the previous semester and well they're not that bad. I am thankful to all my teachers. I got through without sucking up!hahaha

...And finally the manipulators and balancers went to Don Bosco for the fabrication of their prototype and luckily they were interested in creating the 2-link arm manipulator and the ball beam balancer. That took a whole lot of weight from our shoulders...

I realized that I'm really that much into him. I mean yeah, he's nice and all!Well not just nice but a guy who possess the long gone chivalry of every male specie! That is the one thing that got me hooked! But then why is it that when I close my eyes I cannot imagine his face clearly! Yes I do miss him and hanging out and all...but then when we meet and talk, everything seems normal...Its not that normal is not good but then I don't feel the SPARKS! hahaha... I think I was just lonely...but right now that my mind is totally occupied with projects and I'm mainly surrounded by friends even on the net (kept going online and chat with Maia and Marecor!), I don't feel too depressed or deprived of care and love! haahaha...

Ah so okay, I AM NOT REALLY INTO HIM! There I have finally accepted it...

My adviser Luis emailed this to me, its nice and well worth blogging:

5 Things You Probably Never Knew or Thought About


1. At least 5 people in this world love you so much they would die for you.
2. At least 15 people in this world love you in some way.
3. The only reason anyone would ever hate you is because they want to be just like you.
4. A smile from you can bring happiness to anyone, even if they don't like you.
5. Every night, SOMEONE thinks about you before they go to sleep.
6. You mean the world to someone.
7. If not for you, someone may not be living.
8. You are special and unique.
9. Someone that you don't even know exists loves you.
10. When you make the biggest mistake ever, something good comes from it.
11. When you think the world has turned its back on you, take a look: you most likely turned your back on the world.
12. When you think you have no chance of getting what you want, you probably won't get it, but if you believe in yourself, probably, sooner or later, you will get it.
13. Always remember the compliments you received. Forget about the rude remarks.
14. Always tell someone how you feel about them; you will feel much better when they know.
15. If you have a great friend, take the time to let them know that they are great.

So the question now is, on graduation day, hopefully and God-willing, this coming March, who will I approach and Kiss?

Go figure!

IM BACK FROM THE GRAVE

There's absolutely no way you won't either fall in love for the first time now, or fall in love again with your long-term partner. Regardless, enjoy it -- either way, we all want to feel that way. Why argue when it happens?

That is my horoscope for tomorrow but Oh my, it like very timely since I don't know I have been feeling kinda like FALLING right now! OOH here I go again!

TRUTH: I'm moving on...

So falling inlove for the first time?what like those past times that I felt the IT thing wasn't real?

Im watching or half watching Jack and Bobby and caught a little glimpse of Gilmore Girls.My all time fave Saturday series...

Finished the last exams this afternoon. And finally passed our revised documents to Engr. Bandalan. We were the first group to pass our revisions. We were supposed to pass it 8 days after our grade in ComE 513 comes out which will be on Monday. But our panel wants us to submit our revised documents supposedly yesterday but she knows we were packed with exams since it was all her subjects. All that's left for me to do for this semester is our ComE 51C project.

Been around great people lately...persons who have wonderful character that also influences my views in life and has been my source of strength and laughter lately...

Aside from my all time fave housemates, fame-kate-trina-feona-the its, there's ian_hege and louise, alain and cathy, karl, benny, tonet, stanley, filden and sir luis...my groupies for the project proposal.

i hope we could keep the laughter coming...

and as for my distraction:

the lychen is vulnerable
and in his utmost distress
with that sad look in his face
i long to hold him
be the remedy that would ease the pain
but im just a rock
who'll listen to his demise
and whom he leans on to
i could not speak
what is in my heart to speak
i will be here
for him and be his rock
if he'll let me

plum13v

August 29, 2005 National Hero's Day NO CLASSES!

This song plays over and over again in my mind! I don't know why!
IM going to the apartment this afternoon...so I'll probably be gone for like a week...
Someone unexpected is on my mind lately and it seems that once again, FRIENDSHIP is in my way...But then again, I'll just enjoy whatever it is that's gonna happen...

Can't get enough of his teasing that I miss it when he's gone...
Don't want to think that something special
Can come out of this
My heart is still mending
It can't take more lies or pretendings
But I can't help being happy when he's around
even if he makes fun of me...
As long as we're talking
And he knows Im here
I'm in Cloud 9!


"Sleeps With Butterflies"

Airplanes
Take you away again
Are you flying
Above where we live
Then I look up a glare in my eyes
Are you having regrets about last night
I'm not but I like rivers that rush in
So then I dove in
Is there trouble ahead
For you the acrobat
I won't push you unless you have a net

You say the word
You know I will find you
Or if you need some time
I don't mind
I don't hold on
To the tail of your kite
I'm not like the girls that you've known
But I believe I'm worth coming home to
Kiss away night
This girl only sleeps with butterflies
With butterflies
So go on and fly then boy

Balloons
Look good from on the ground
I fear with pins and needles around
We may fall then stumble
Upon a carousel
It could take us anywhere

I'm not like the girls that you've known
But I believe I'm worth coming home to
Kiss away night
This girl only sleeps with butterflies
With butterflies
With butterflies
So go on and fly boy

What's on my mind right now?

Let me see, because of the many things to do, I don't have a single idea what to do first...

Moving out of the house this Sunday...Got to do a bit of shopping coz we need tons of stuff there...hope everything would work out fine for us...

ComE 514 project...I didn't realize how powerful matlab is up until now...

In a couple of days we're gonna start with our Proposal...data gathering, research and the like...

ComE 51C class...being project manager gives me the creeps...I mean its a huge job and well I was flattered when our teacher gave me the task but then I need to give all I've got to meet her expectations...

And you know what, in reality, this semester is the most crucial of all...We need to pass our ComE 514, 511 and 512 lecture and laboratory class to be able to graduate this March...

Too much pressure...Can I make it?

This is quite interesting because I took this test and well here's my result...It kinda says that I'm afraid of marriage...well as of now I'm not...eventhough I haven't seen or met my soulmate yet, I'm looking forward to getting married someday...but not now...got lots of things to accomplish before entering that stage...

Why am I writing again?

Well for one my teacher in Philo 36 and Philo 25 inspired me to do so...how? well I visited her site and kinda nodded my head on the reality and sensibility of her words...It was as if she was talking for my sake coz everything she wrote made sense to me and it was something that I could relate to...It kinda made me realize that I miss her and her company and her words...She's a great teacher and I think she's like Robin Williams in Dead Poet's Society for me...and Im her student...well I was but not anymore...But I know I will keep on learning through her words...If her favorite philosopher is Immanuel Kant, well she is mine...hehehe:)

Anyway, the second reason is that I just want to share that I'm kinda enjoying my days...my hopefully final year in college...why?coz I'm having great company and because I have so many things to do, exams to study for, chores to accomplish, that I have no time to worry or to get depressed and remember the not so far past...And I'm singing once again in Church...and it feels so good to sing for God! It brings out the voice that's long hidden inside me...and it uplifts my spirit that all the bad feelings I have would eventually be vanished...

You should try it sometime, sing your heart out for God!It really is better than singing on stage with a standing ovasion and an encore!

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free.

In love, you feel the most alive when things are straight-forward, and you're told that you're loved.

You'd like to your lover to think you are loyal and faithful... that you'll never change.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please.

Your ideal relationship is comforting. You crave a relationship where you always feel warmth and love.

Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.

You think of marriage as something that will confine you. You are afraid of marriage.

In this moment, you think of love as commitment. Love only works when both people are totally devoted.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

I visited one amazing blog site and she wrote this and it hit me...I really needed a message from someone to uplift my spirits...God bless the one who posted this...

"Be faithful eventho the nature of everything around us is to cause us to be unfaithful......."



Do more than exist. Live.

Do more than hear. Listen.

Do more than agree. Cooperate.

Do more than grow. Bloom.

Do more than spend. Invest.

Do more than think. Create.

Do more than work. Excel.

Do more than share. Give.

Do more than decide. Discern.

Do more than consider. Commit.

Do more than forgive. Forget.

Do more than help. Serve.

Do more than coexist. Reconcile.

Do more than sing. Worship.

Do more than think. Plan.

Do more than dream. Do.

Do more than see. Percieve.

Do more than read. Apply.

Do more than recieve. Reciprocate.

Do more than choose. Focus.

Do more than wish. Believe.

Do more than advise. Help.

Do more than speak. Impart.

Do more than encourage. Inspire.

Do more than add. Multiply.

Do more than change. Improve.

Do more than reach. Stretch.

Do more than ponder. Pray.

Do more than just live.


I hope I shared something of value to you and that it may be able to guide you in these times of chaos...

1. What color is most reflective of you?
-- purple

2. How did you get the idea for your
friendster name?
--it's my real name

3.What time were you born?
-- around 1:10 am

4.What song are you playing now, or wish
you were playing?
-- MYMP

5. Has the death of a celebrity ever made
you cry?
--nah.

6.What color of underwear are you wearing right
now?
--GREEN

7. Do you want a baby?
-- YEP, SOMEDAY

8.What does your mom do for a living?
--she's a SECRETARY

9. What does your dad do for a living?
--HE'S A BOOKING SALESMAN

10. What is your pet's name?
--KJ, YUNA AND WHITEY

11. What color are your bedsheets?
--GREEN

12. What are the last 4 digits of your
phone number?
--0638

13. What song are you playing now?
--i think this has been asked already!?

14. What was the last concert you
attended?
--BAMBOO, SINULOG 05

15. Who was with you?
--LESLIE, RHOD AND JHE-AR

16. What was the last movie you saw?
--kung fu hustle.brainless yet entertaining.

17. Who do you dislike most at this
moment?
-- SURPRISINGLY, NO ONE AS OF THE MOMENT

18. What food are you craving right now?
--CADBURRY'S ALMONDS

19. Did you dream last night?
-- NAH, WASN'T ABLE TO SLEEP...

20.What was the last tv show you
watched?
--TRU CALLING

21.What is your fave piece of jewelry?
-- MY DANGLING STAR EARRINGS

22. What is to the left of you?
--DINNER TABLE

23. What was the last thing you ate?
--PORKCHOP AND AMPALAYA

24. Who is your best friend of the
opposite sex?
-- JHE-AR

25. Write a song lyric that's in your
head?
--

26. What song is that from?
-- Boulevard of Broken Dreams by Greenday

27. Who last IMed you?
--NO ONE

28. Where is your signifigant other right
now?
-- none.

29. Do you have a crush?
-- yupyupyup

30. What is his/her name?
-- not worth going into trouble for

31. What shampoo do you use?
--pantene

32. When was the last time you cut your
hair?
--last month

33. Are you on any meds?
--nah

34. Do you have a mental disease?
-- i hope not. i like to think i'm pretty normal.

35. What shirt are you wearing?
--my juniors shirt...from my high school

36. What time is it?
-- 10:12 pm to be exact

37. What color is your razor?
--sea green

38. What is your fave frozen treat?
--ice cream

39. Are you sexy?
-- hell yeah!

40. Whats your favorite shopping store?
--not such a fan of shopping...

41. Are you thirsty?
-- just a little bit

42. Can you imagine yourself ever getting
married?
-- yep, actually i dreamt it already

My cousin Claudette emailed this to me and I just want to share it with you...so enjoy reading...

And by the way, a fellow from a very far away place inspires me nowadays...

God bless my new found friend...

Why aren't you married?
Why aren't you married?
and the very, very popular:
Why aren't you married?
... give or take another 999,999,997 more such questions.

Unfortunately, I can’t fix you up with any cute guys or girls to help you avoid these questions in the future. However, I can fix you up with some good snappy comebacks to fling at anyone who dares to question your single status.

So, next time somebody dares to ask you that “Why aren't you married?” question, pause, smile sagaciously (I love that word; it means “wisely”), and offer up one of the following. Or, just review them for your own personal satisfaction.

1. In the beginning, there were no elliptical trainers or low-fat/high-fiber muffins, and so people lived to only about 40-something. Maximum. Meaning, the pressure was on to get married before age 25. However, today, thanks to medical advances, we can all hope to live to 80. Easy. Meaning? Even if we marry at age 40, that's still 35, 45, even 55 years to be with a mate. Plenty of time to be married. What's the hurry?

2. Married people are not necessarily better catches simply because they were caught. I mean, have you taken a look at some of the married people out there? Seriously. Even Frankenstein got married. Obviously married people are not superior people.

3. Meanwhile, look at some of our cool single role models:
Catwoman: Single.
Buddha: Single.
The Lone Ranger: Single.
Actually, virtually all superhero types are single: Superman, Wonder Woman, Dudley Do-Right. And then there’s The Ultimate Superhero: God—also single.

4. Plus, when you think about it, there’s no such thing as a Stepford Single Woman.

5. Why limit myself to being dissatisfied by one relationship when I can be dissatisfied by an infinite variety?

6. It’s interesting how our culture has the _expression “happily married,” but no _expression “happily single.” And those words are 100% certified by the US Census Bureau. Statistics show that although married men are reported to be happier than single men (surprise, surprise!)—single women are reported to be happier than married women (also a big surprise, surprise!). Meaning? This only furthers the irony that single women are branded as "unhappy” and “lonely” and “loser-esque"—when single women are just boldly holding out for the right situation, rather than getting married just to get married.

7. It's easy to become married. Millions of people do it every year. If you want to pressure me to become something, hey, why not pick something a little more challenging—like an astrophysicist.

8. True love is rare. That's why it's called "love" and not "really like" or "settling." And why we don't say: "I’m settling for you, honey" over candlelit dinners. True love is worth waiting for…and that’s what I’m doing.

Its been quite a while since I had this feeling again...you would think na love2x nasad ni noh?well not really...

I just seem to enjoy my subjects and teachers now more than ever...am i making any sense here? i don't know, it all seems so easy, the comprehension, the time, the moments of being all alone just fits in perfectly...its like in my 4+ years of college i have never felt so interested with what i do until lately...

Oh well I don't understand myself most of the time...

When someone says he misses me, especially if its the person I least expect...I would really go gaga over it...

And you know what happened?

I wrote a song...

I just hope that guys wouldn't keep on playing with a girl's heart. Its so taxing, the process of falling in and out of the love spell. But it seems that its a natural feeling, even if its not meant to be...Right?

For now, il probably stick to my plan of putting my focus on one goal only...and that is

TO GRADUATE THIS COMING MARCH!

crazybeautiful dancing on the moon...

AND SO HERE I AM...

I love change...its so overwhelming at this time that i cannot even properly describe how it really feels to be this free...

Classes has started but then my sched is not that hectic yet thanks to the conference the Comp E teachers are having every 10:30-12:00. My class is still at 12:00 at the AS building.Oh well, Im gonna enjoy this week coz I'd probably be up on my sleeves with lots of things to do next couple of months or so.

If I hadn't gotten to my 5th year I wouldn't have known personally my batchmates. I was always stuck with the same people, hanging out at the canteen. More like isolating myself from the rest of the TC population. But now, not anymore... Every single so-called barkada I had before had gone off to a different direction. Me? Im still the same ol' me...hehehe

Anyway, I'd better get back to researching for a possible thesis...its gonna be one hell of a rollercoaster ride...

Peace out!

crazybeautiful holding one's dagger!

My class sched is crazy...I have no choice but take those subjects because there's no other sched...

Anyway, no matter how much I try to evade the SUBJECT of you-know-who everybody including the teachers seems to keep bringing it up...Can't they understand that I don't want any trouble? Is it too much to ask? LEAVE ME ALONE! They seem to slap the whole idea into my face! I'm trying to be a very PRIVATE person...*sigh*

Oh well, you know maybe I'll swear off guys for a while...

Up until I graduate...

By then, maybe if I get lucky enough I'll bump into my PRINCE in Boracay...

hehehe...

SO IM ON MY LAST TERM...
I'm looking forward to sleepless nights cramming for exams, typing like crazy finishing my thesis and working on the prototype...Drowning myself with coffee...
I'm looking forward to losing some of this extra weight.
I'm looking forward to another semester of adventure and hopefully fun...
I'm looking forward to living in an apartment...I bet that would be difficult considering there's lots of things to do other than our project...Like doing laundry, cleaning the toilets, cooking, paying rent, electricity and water...
I'm looking forward to replenishing my issues...

Finally IM FREE...

LESSONS FROM STARWARS EPISODE III: REVENGE OF THE SITH

Well the movie was really action packed and I kept grabbing my seat coz it seemed that every time their ships launch the movie theatre would shake…. Anyway, the main reason for every thing that’s happened mainly, the turning of Anakin Skywalker into Darth Vader, is LOVE! Well to make the long story short: TOO MUCH LOVE CAN BE DESTRUCTIVE, THEREFORE TOO MUCH LOVE IS EVIL! Would you agree?

Got me and the rest of us trainees extended till June 11th. I don’t know we just seem to enjoy our work. Traveling here and there, fixing things, learning more!

Got back on reading love stories…It seems that I wanted to feel the tingles again lately. I don’t know however what triggered the eagerness!

Summer is almost over! Wow could not believe it went by so quickly with out me having to shed off a few pounds but rather gained some! But still life is beautiful! But you know Im never this eager to go back to school! I JUST WANT TO GRADUATE... And hopefully by March of next year I would be able to achieve that goal.

My new HT happens to ignore the fact that I exist. Oh well I can't do anything about it coz I probably would not see him anymore since summer is almost over!

Moving on, got tons of report ot finish and well I'm kinda planing on extending my training at Globe! I truly love the job! Its tiring but really exciting and fun.

Gotta go!

Chill...

IM A WORKING GIRL!

I'm here at Globe Innove Plaza, 5th floor, Network Ops/Transmission WLL department!it so happened that the secretary, Gene went to Manila for a week to attend a conference and the ILAW Awards. She and the supervisors asked me to take over! I kinda got the hang of things since all I do is receive and send fax, get signatures and log papers on the log books...well it was very mind bogling at first but then, hey I'm a fast learner...

Anyway, our trip to singapore was great...once again acquired lots of experiences while I was there...maybe il get to write it the next time i blog...

well as for now, im truly inspired by this one guy whom i just recently met...he's got a great character and very hard working. oh i know here i go again...right? there's no end to this falling in and out of love...but this is not love...its just going there!

SUMMER CRAZE AGAIN!
So what am I up to these days?

Since last Wednesday I have been out all day long having my ojt at Globe Innove! I have to admit that I still don't like the scorching heat but eventually I have to get used to it as my job requires to stay under the heat for like 30 mins to an hour! We go around the city to fix dsl connections! although this is not what my major requires of me but heck, i want to experience what its like to really expose yourself in real work...we still get to have hands on...I finally understood the concept behind LAN and DSL...
Anyway, Paypims you are right! I have made all possible ways to make the most of my college life...I have gone through a lot of shocking events! and believe me, it wasn't easy! but you know, this heart is strong so I guess that leaves me, still moving forward!coz you know NOT TRYING TO MOVE ON means SUICIDE!
What I wanted the most for the first semester is to get away...GET AWAY FROM THE PEOPLE WHO I THOUGHT WERE TRUE! but they ended up being just some stranger who without second thoughts or whatever will do their best to hurt you and bring you down!DAMN, I shouldn't have fooled myself of the notion that the friendship we shared was unique and blessed. I thought that I had found myself in their company but here I am, searching for myself again in other people's companionship...
And so anyway, have one more year to go and I'm outta here...
First Love
Hikaru Utada

Chords: [open] EADGBe
[Bm] 024432 [C/D] xx0010 [CM7] x35343 [D] xx0232
[Ds4] xx0233 [Em] 022000 [G] 320003 [G/D] x55430


Intro:

G D Em G/D
CM7 C/D G G


Verse:

G D
Saigo no KISU wa
Em G/D
TABAKO no flavor ga shita
CM7 C/D G G
Nigakute setsunai kaori
Em Bm
Ashita no imagoro niwa
CM7 Ds4
Anata wa doko ni irun darou
Em Bm CM7 CM7
Dare wo omotterun darou


Chorus:

G D
You are always gonna be my love
Em G/D
Itsuka dareka to mata koi ni ochitemo
CM7 C/D
I'll remember to love, you taught me how
G D
You are always gonna be the one
Em G/D
Ima wa mada kanashii love song
CM7 C/D G G
Atarashii uta utaeru made


Interlude:

CM7 C/D G G


Verse:

G D
Tachidomaru jikan ga
Em G/D
Ugokidasou to shiteru
CM7 C/D G G
Wasuretakunai koto bakari
Em Bm
Ashita no imagoro niwa
CM7 Ds4
Watashi wa kitto naiteru
Em Bm CM7 CM7
Anata wo omotterun darou


Chorus:

G D
You will always be inside my heart
Em G/D
Itsumo anata dake no basho ga aru kara
CM7 C/D
I hope that I have a place in your heart too
G D
Now and forever you are still the one
Em G/D
Ima wa mada kanashii love song
CM7 C/D CM7 Ds4
Atarashii uta utaeru made


Chorus:

G D
You are always gonna be my love
Em G/D
Itsuka dareka to mata koi ni ochitemo
CM7 C/D
I'll remember to love, you taught me how
G D
You are always gonna be the one
Em G/D
Mada kanashii love song
CM7 C/D G G
Yeah, now and forever


Coda:

G D Em G/D
CM7 C/D G G

ooh I love this song...I'm trying to learn Japanese now!That reminds me, I should get my book from Tonette!
C yah guys!have a great summer!