Have this lump in my throat...

I can't trust anyone anymore!

My friends are getting narrower...

Till there's just me...

And my shadow!

Another day to look forward to?

Well a thought came to me lately that I think I am crazy...Well who wouldn't tell that to themselves wherein almost everybody has his or her dilemma to face...But believe me if you could only venture my mind you'd understand why I say something like that to myself...

Oh well, so much for my follies...

I'm listening to A Perfect Circle right now, their music is kinda twisted but on the good side...I don't know, its like it makes you relax...the guitars are great and the vocals is splendid...The first time I heard it at my friend's house I liked it right away...I think I'm becoming peculiar when it comes to choosing my music...

What's for lunch?
butter croissant...is that the right spelling?hehehe

I finally watched THE NOTEBOOK yesterday with my mom...and well my soft side took over and I cried...But I'm glad I cried..Why did I cry? Well because of the realization that there is really that someone who is destined for us...And that maybe my prince charming is from another planet...but then I thought why would I look?When I search I end up finding and then getting hurt which means I really hadn't found that prince charming yet.A guy told me that the person whom you truly love would never become yours...I hope its not true coz if that is the case then marriage is bullshit right?I mean, how could you marry someone you don't love?Could you even stand to sleep(literally speaking) with that person? But why do I choose to love in the first place?Why did I allow myself to gamble my heart instead of using my head and cut the crap of wishful thinking?BECAUSE IM JUST SO FULL OF HOPE! And what do I get from all of this? I FOUND MYSELF AGAIN...I kinda lost it when I was so blinded by the thought that *Tooot* likes me...But then he doesn't and man did that suck...Then Maia's words kept on whispering to me: "ITS NOT YOUR LOSS"...those powerful words of Ms. Donsen kept me alive...

Oh well, life for Vanessa must go on because maybe I wasn't placed on earth to love him...I was made to love somebody else...

Watch the movie with an open mind and heart, you'll like it...

And hey, Meet the Fockers is now showing...Wanna watch it with me?

God bless to all!mwaah...

SO AM I OKAY?

Well for now I am since I got most of my exam in ComE 423 lecture...it was like revenge of the nerds thing...hehehe...

Everything seems okay, I'm such a good pretender...

To JOhn:

please don't put me in the same situation you placed me this afternoon while we were having our Sosci class...to answer your query, yes my HT was there...he's with me all the time...gets?

anyway, I'm done watching MY LITTLE BRIDE and its another korean hit...highly recommended by moia!

condemn me all you want
im just being human
feeling the pain
and pretending that
it would not affect me
but then i do cry
when i am alone
with my maker
so condemn me all you want
i don't give a damn
im just human
who made a huge mistake
of falling inlove
~plum~

What is independence?Could I have it for my self?Could I live my life without having to depend on anyone else but me?Would it be a sign of loneliness?HOw do I feel right now?IM VERY NUMB!I know I feel something Im just not sure what it is...And you know what I don't really care what anyone has to think!I don't want to talk about what happened but I want this emotions to get out before I become such a cynical,pessimistic person. Do I have the right to blame THEM/HER/HIM for what Im going through right now?And the funny thing is they seem to think of how I feel but in reality it wouldn't matter!Am I a love poacher?As what the psychologist in our Social Science class discussed...HUMAN LOVE POACHING is the new trend nowadays...what the hell is that?it is when a person bolts into a relationship...and either steals the boy or the girl...I wouldn't steal anything...or anyone!im not a theif nor a BITCH!I wish I was so that I wouldn't feel this way!it is better to be normally bad than try hard not to be!what am I saying?if you're confused with all this shit that I'm writing then so am I!And somehow I've come to hate the song Fallin'!I used to like it but it kinda plays everytime I'm with him riding in her car!what a scene!couldn't have been so perfect!I don't usually swear but just give me this chance to just say anything!I hope writing is therapeutic!That after today I would once again go back to my same ol bubbly self!My world is crashing down on me but it seems that I'm carrying it on my shoulders and not letting it fall down completely!I need coffee, beer, vodka what ever!Will I get through this?I don't know!And like john I want to graduate and fly off to Portland and forget every single person I was attached to in college!Just forget that they exist that I existed with them!and that they used to mean the whole world to me!now spoof!NOTHINGNESS!

Everyday's the same I feel them merge
I try to separate, resist the urge
But they tell me I'll be fine
That it will all get better
Just try to write it down
Or put it in a letter

But the words won't play
And there's no easy way to say
Goodbye, goodbye

Keep my head on straight and don't look down
With all I've pushed away, I'm losing ground
But they tell me I'll be fine
That it will all get better
Just try to write it down
Or put it in a letter

But the words won't play
And there's no easy way to say
Goodbye, goodbye

And from the sidelines
Watch me fall down

And I don't understand the things I do
But I'll probably be fine
As long as I keep moving
I'll try to write it down
So things just keep improving
Still the words won't play
Cause there's no easy way to say
GOODBYE, GOODBYE

IM a new person as the new year starts...and thus just expect the unexpected...my old self died along with my heart...gudbye...