Nothing. Just thinking of you!

Have anybody told you this before?

Its not everyday that I receive a text message saying that the person is thinking of me. I'm not even sure if somebody thinks of me, period. It its flattering and at the same time, scary! Why? because I'm not a 100% sure whether this person is sincere or he's simply just mocking me.

Anyway, life is still treating me well! Although, my new schedule starts at 4am but it would mean that it would end around 1pm...Well that's okay I guess, the earlier, the better. But it would mean that I have to move in with my batch mate Claire and not sleep in my own bed again. Well it would hopefully be just a month or two.

Ping's coming home on September! Yehey...I hope I'll be able to go with them roaming around Cebu.

I still think of him but not that often anymore. I tried to let the feeling go. Its not that I ran out of hope for this relationship(if there was any) but I just opened my heart to somebody else. If he can't notice me, why wouldn't I let somebody else have my time if that somebody else wants to spend it with me?

I'm still a nomad, a wanderer...The only difference is that I think I'm not lost! I'm just taking my time exploring the possibilities of life!

chill!

AHhhh, So this is how they see me....

	what signals do you send to guys? You Can Talk to Me Slow down and ease into this situation. You don't know enough about where your guy stands to judge your chances of scoring him as a prom date, so if you're nervous, feel the situation out before you ask. Try to spend time alone with him, or pay more attention to how he treats you. Check in with mutual friends to see if he already has a date in mind, and consider whether he's the right guy for you. If you're still not sure whether he'll accept, but you're sure you want to be his date, then go for it -- you have nothing to lose!

Is this True?Arrrgggg?!?!

	how do guys see you? Too-Good-To-Be-True You're the girl that every guy wants, but thinks he can't have. You have such a confident way about you -- and it's a major turn-on to guys. But sometimes, because of your secure stature, guys have a hard time approaching you. They either think you're not interested or they're scared of being rejected by someone so amazing. There's nothing wrong with a flip of the hair or a wink of an eye every now and again, but make sure you're doing it in a way that assures them you want to be approached--because we know you do.

Figures why I'm still SINGLE!

	are you a good flirt? Flirt Flop Patience is a virtue, girl, but sometimes you have to take matters into your own hands. Even though most of your friends have no problem approaching guys, you're an old-fashioned girl who believes boys should make the first move. You may admire the way your dad courted your mom, but it's the 21st century. In order to get what (and who!) you want, you need to speak up and send out some flirtacious vibes. Putting a little extra effort into your wardrobe wouldn't hurt either--it doesn't have to be a special occasion to wear a skirt or strappy sandals. Go for it!

O love is the crooked thing

Brown Penny©William Butler Yeats


I whispered, ‘I am too young,’
And then, ‘I am old enough’;
Wherefore I threw a penny
To find out if I might love.
‘Go and love, go and love, young man,
If the lady be young and fair.’
Ah, penny, brown penny, brown penny,
I am looped in the loops of her hair.


O love is the crooked thing,
There is nobody wise enough
To find out all that is in it,
For he would be thinking of love
Till the stars had run away
And the shadows eaten the moon.
Ah, penny, brown penny, brown penny,
One cannot begin it too soon.

From: The Green Helmet and Other Poems - 1910

Copyright©2006a creative pen
Brisbane, Australia

This poetry is read from the movie:




I really liked the poem...Don't know why...hehehe....YOu should watch it though its a nice movie...Very hopefull!

Drunk Driving and why I don't patronize alcohol!

My grandmother got the surprise of her life yesterday when instead of seeing my cousing PIng arriving at the airport, she saw her eldest daughter, Linda, yes that's my aunt, walking towards the exit door. She was so astounded at the very thought that she was fooled by everybody and that she was the only one who didn't know about it. But then she forgot that she was mad when my aunt and her husband, Uncle Gerry, told my grandma, "We're here for your birthday, mom!"


And so the drinking sessions began. Two ice box containing, ice and of course, the one and the only drink that my family prefers, REdHorse! Two huge bottles of tequila, vodka and gin are ready for consumption. When I arrived at my Grandma's place, my aunt was still taking a nap so I ate spring rolls because my stomach was grumbling. I kinda forgot that my last meal was at 730 in the morning.


Then out came my aunt!wow a hug really feels good especially if its coming from a relative or a friend you really missed. Then my Uncle started making margaruitas. He joked if I was old enough to drink and inquired if I was driving. Of course I won't drive. First, I don't have my license yet. Yes I know its shame on me coz I am already 22 years old and I still don't have a license. But then even if I had a license, my father would not permit me to drive.


So here's where the fun part begins...

My Uncle Marlon and my Aunt Linda had a huge argument over this:

You'd have a pretty much bigger chance to evade an accident if you have a very nice car: e.g. the new model of BMW, which is the current car of my aunt.

Uncle Marlon's argument:

Because you have good stirring and good breaks and better protection if you had a nice car, then you'd probably be able to prevent an accident. That is if you can see it coming though. What he was driving at is the fact that my aunt, whose also a very good drinker, drives a BMW and doesn't receive a single scratch because her car is nice.


Aunt Linda's arguement:

Its pretty simple though, regardless of what type and brand of car you have, if you are a reckless driver, drunk at that, if you get into an accident, you won't be able to evade it. YOu cannot always anticipate what would happen next. It all boils down to your attitude on the road.


So, who's right and who's not?

TO HELP YOU ON THE ANALYSIS:


On our way home, my kinda tipsy dad was taking the wheel. Its always like this when we come home from my grandma's place. My mom kept on tugging at my dad's shirt to try to lessen his speed or would suddenly say, hey be careful coz there are people standing at the sidewalk. Sometimes they would end up arguing over my father's driving and his drunkness.

I really, really hate this scene. It always makes my heart beat faster than the usual. I have my hand ready to pull the emergency breaks. This is the reason why I wanted to drive. So that when my dad gets awfully drunk, I'd be happy to drive my family home.

This is the reason why as much as possible I wanted to burn the factories that produce beer and other alcoholic drinks. I know I'm a hypocrite because I myself would drink. It runs in the family. But I don't drink much. Just a glass or two. But I wanted so much for my father to quit drinking and smoking. He's not only trying to slowly kill himself but he's also trying to kill me and my family...

So that's my lifelong dilemma, don't cry over that...

I am still grateful to have him as my father...Grateful to have this family...

No family is perfect, we have secrets, and I'm spilling mine!

2 more days...

Two more days and my aunt will be arriving
Two more days and we'll be rejoicing
Two more days and I'll be drinking
a whole lotta beer and margaruita making...

Been having this whirlwind experience for the past 4 days. And I couldn't quite make out what I will do with the situation.


A guy is trying to ask me out although I'm not quite sure if he is or what his intentions are. I'd like to hang out with him and get to know him coz he seems quite interesting but I'm kept on the hanging here...He didn't text me anymore...hehe...

Next is that his(my HT's) sister and I are already friends. She told me a couple of things and I think she's trying to have me spill out all my emotions about his brother. Its really sweet of her to try to investigate about who I really am. I'm just so frightened at the thought that maybe because of this new found friendship between me and his sister, he would find out that I do feel something for him. I didn't actually tell her that I do like his brother. But I think she suspects that I do. For one thing, it was twice that when I called his house, she was the one to pick up the phone. She's quite a tease like her brother...She says it runs in the family.

I don't know if I could face him after this knowing that he doesn't know about his sister and me being textmates. I might have to tell him...HONESTY still...

It's going to be my grandmother's birthday next Friday and we're going to have a party. Yep my aunt whom I was named after: Linda, is coming home for my Lola's birthday. I'm having second thoughts on inviting some people. Or maybe I will...I've already invited Ian and hopefully Louise would be there also...=) and the other person I wish to invite...

I'm sure we'll be having so much fun and we'll be going to the beach...yepee...

Anyway, as what Trisha said to me: KEEP ME POSTED! =)

Reverse Analogy on the Word He Spoke to Me!

I’ve known her since we were kids
No, we were not playmates
Our parents don’t hang out
But I knew her
We live different lives
We had different dreams
When we are the peak of our lives
I fell down
She was there to help me get up
She was my shock absorber
A listening ear
A shoulder to lean on
A friend
As time pass by we spend time
More time talking than the usual
But she was still my friend
We have formed this bond
She supports my decisions
She appreciates my music
But she also straightens me out
But she is still my friend
Then I realized,
Setting assumption aside
That she’s falling
That scared me to death
I don’t need a lover right now
I’m happy with a friend
She’s like my sister
And so how can I reverse the spell
Of her living the fantasy land
That would never exist
That I would not permit to exist
I cannot bring myself to hurt her
Fore she’s become family to me
But once again I don’t need a lover
All I need is a friend
And I already have that in her…

Sedated

Its pure magic how a person can make me feel
I'm easy to please I know
But letting the happiness last for days is something else
I know it was just a simple conversation of friends
but it made me happy
it made me float
I am contented
Its a rare feeling
guiltless happiness plus contentment
I hope it happens again
soon....

A walk to remember...

Okay so I haven't had enough of him Friday night and so we decided to walk together to Deanne's house yesterday because instead of us meeting Deanne in Ayala he said he'll be late so we went right away to Elizabeth pond and ended up lost coz I already forgot how to get to Deanne's house...How stupid right? well, eventually Deanne met up with us on the way to their house.


Before we started working on the yearbook, Deanne's dad hooked us up to watching Into the Blue starring Paul Walker and Jessica Alba. What a team up right? I was so astounded at how good Jessica's body is. And I thought, would it be possible to have that flat abs? Could be...If I have the determination and the self discipline... I'd have to go on a diet, which currently is not on my top things to do and do some rigid exercise to tone down my body fats...hehe...Would he like me then? If I had a well toned body? nah...

So why is this article entitled A WALK TO REMEMBER?

Nope, I'm not referring to the movie. I'm referring the walk we had on our way home. We walked from Deanne's house to Asilo dela Milagrosa Chapel. If you're living in Cebu and is quite familiar with the place, you'll probably have an idea how far we walked. Putting my health problems aside, coz I've had a hard time breathing lately when I go on long walks, I walked with him all the way since he was going to Ayala to meet up with his sister there. We had our usual conversation. He told me that this is what he likes. Going on long walks and just talking. He says he enjoys it very much. I told him about my vacation with my family and on how we went to Dumaguete from Santander just to buy groceries for my birthday. He pointed out a tower and said that he went there for a double date with his sister when he and his ex were still together. Then he said, maybe someday we'd go there. Add to the list of things to do, he says. Coz you see, me and my friends made a list of all the things we'd like to do. (to be posted on the next blog) He asked me for my day offs and said he'll try to lend the car from his dad so that we could go to Mt.View. Told him we should go coz I haven't been there before and he said he'll try.

In this scenario, we didn't hold hands. He puts his arm around me when we try to cross the street while switching himself to the danger side of the road but aside from that, there was no physical interaction. But I was having so much fun. We kept on laughing on our own silly jokes and seems like we had our own world. You know, with him aside from feeling safe and happy, I also learn a lot not just about him but more so about ME.

I told him, I just realized that I'm totally free of worries right now. That if I don't think too much, I'm happy and contented. And part of the reason for this is that I am with him.

And I've realized that with all my guy friends its with him that I'd spent so much time talking and hanging out, just the two of us. I'm not sure if all those times we dined out are taken as dates but its really more than twice already.

But when I went home, rather went to my grandma's house, he didn't text to check if I really arrived there. Oh well...That's when my dilemma comes in...That's what makes me even more confused.

Totally like pride and prejudice: give in and then take it back...


Here are the pics from Ian's phone during his gig in Handuraw!












































So to end this post, I'd say every single walk I had with him was something I do cherish and remember. And I am grateful for the walks and the talk... Even if there won't be US...As long as he's there beside me, I know I'll be safe...

Blown Away!

We went to Handuraw last night to watch his band’s gig. He kept on inviting us and we, Ian and I decided its about time to surprise him and eventually went to see his band play. Louise and Filden went with us. We first had dinner in Ayala and then off to Handuraw. It was so funny coz we were the first ones to arrive. We ate again...Their pizza is yummy. Then he arrived...my my... Am I glad to see his smiling face. It wasn’t a surprise after all because he already knew we were coming. Ian had to tell him coz we weren’t sure where their gig would be first because they had 2 gigs in a night...Wow, talk about in demand!

You see, in the past, I have this knack of getting involved with guys who are in a band. To be specific, lead guitar players. I don’t know, I just find them fascinating and maybe because I am a musician myself that I opt for guys who are also musically inclined. And so anyway, after several heartaches over guitarists, I swore them off. I remembered telling my friend Rhocela when we were walking in Ngee Ann Mall in Singapore, “Rhoce, I’ve had enough of guitar players! I’ll try not to get involved with one anymore!” And so now, I’m falling for a drummer...hehe...

But he does know how to play the guitar but his craft is basically drums...


And last night, I was literally BLOWN AWAY! I don’t know if it was me or the air conditioning, but I was actually shivering or shaking or whatever, when he hit the drums to start the song... He’s really good...As in very good at his craft. He’s got the talent, the skills and the ear for this. To think he doesn’t own a drumset. I mean, wow! I don’t usually talk about how impressed I am with a person’s talent when it comes to music but I cannot stop myself from bragging about his talent. I’m really proud to be his friend. He even introduced us to the drummer of Sheila and the Insects, Janus! I’m not so sure of his name, but this guy won an award for being one of the legendary drummers here in Cebu!

I remembered this song:

I’m so high I could hear heaven... – Nickelback, Hero

I was so high last night...That once again I fell...Fell so hard...

And here I am, I thought I’d be able to control this feeling but once again I’m overpowered. I don’t know what’s driving this sensation of longing...And to think I know it wouldn’t go anywhere since he doesn’t have a clue.

I hope I could:

Conjure up the will to tell you how I feel...

I hope I could go out every Friday just to watch them play. But I don’t have that freedom and the luxury...

Well the good thing is that we’ll be working full blow on our yearbook and we’re both on the committee, so I think I’ll still be seeing more of him.

Anyway, to Nikko:

You’re beautiful inside and out. Please believe that coz I do. For what its worth, no matter what other people say about you, you’re the most real and trustworthy person I’ve known in CallTek!

MUSIC:

If you have the chance, do listen to:

The Spirals, Idle and Coheed and Cambria

The Fourth Of July

Its a holiday in the States right now and since yesterday, we're receiving less calls. I mean yesterday, the entire 8 hours that I was on the floor, I only received 5 calls. One of which is the guest I was talking to earlier wherein I had to forward the issue to Level 2 because I knew I did everything except flushing our own firewall. And eventually Brandy did flush the firewall but the guest still wasn't able to connect. I had a feeling that it was her browser because, when I tried to assign her a proxy server, we couldn't open her internet options for her Internet Explorer. She's really nice and patient and with our conversation, I learned that she was a professor in University of California in Irvine. The issue reached our Network Operations Center and went back to level2. Unfortunately, that issue was unresolved because she still wasn't able to pull up a webpage.


And so now I have plenty of time to blog...


Anyway enough about work...



I went to the doctor again because my mom wants me to go. I recently had shortness of breathe. And it kinda started when I began using the Flixotide nasal spray. I read my brother's PIMs to look for adverse effects and it doesn't complicated asthma but cure it. The doctor said that its an anti-allergy meds and it shouldn't be a cause of the my breathing problems. So she had me go to another doctor which I then realized was a cardiovascular resident. He checked my blood pressure and he said it was normal, listened to my lungs and said it was clear and finally listened to my heart and he said he didn't hear any wheezing sound. He said he didn't see anything wrong with me. He said maybe its just an effect of the nasal spray and that it would somehow be gone when I end my medication by next month. He also requested to have my heart undergo 2 DECHO doppler, in other words ultrasound of the heart. I went back to my original doctor to get an approval of the 2 DECHO and she said I'll just call the secretary today because she still needs to check since the exam would cost P2,500 and our medicard only caters upto P1,000.

I realized in spite of having sat in the doctor's office for about an hour and a half just waiting for the doctor to be in, didn't put me in a bad mood. I mean, there are times, well most of the time, I don't mind waiting. I mean if you think about it, if you're the one who needs something, then it shouldn't be problem to wait. Me? If I badly needed it, I would not mind waiting up to 2 hours. My eyes would barely open while waiting. Good thing, 3 of my officemates were there. We chatted fot quite sometimes up until I had to get inside the doctor's office.

The first jeepney ride home (coz I had to take 2 jeepneys) was even more interesting when I saw my Tita Rena (my ex's mom). She was looking fabulous as ever, with her beautiful smile and enchanting aura. She was with her youngest, AJ whom I haven't seen for 3 years now. All her kids are handsome and pretty. She said Kane (my ex) already has 2 kids. And he's going to school now taking up food technology. Tita said he's going to teach after a year. Wow, Kane the once so disturbed boy suddenly turned father is now planning to teach. I sat there for a minute or two, silently imagining Kane teaching. Then I told Tita, "So Kane finally found what his interests lie!" And she laughed and said "Yes, thank God!". As far as I could remember Kane, aside from the good looks and notorious reputation, he was a good friend of mine. We were playmates turned enemies. The next summer we realized we liked each other and the summer after that I broke off with him coz he was seeing another girl (nope not the mother of his kids). It took me almost 1 year and a half to get over him and finally moved on to liking another guy. It was kid stuff. I was taken by the tingles when he held my hand or kissed my cheek during the 18th birthday of my cousin. When I graduated high school and started going to USC-TC, I realized I was better off with out him. HE WAS NOT MY DESTINY!

I said goodbye to my Tita coz they had to get off before USC-main. They moved again. Its like the 3rd time they moved to a different house. Well anyway, I wished her well and she told me to pray for her. She has cancer and is going on herbal medications.

I was glad to have met them and even blessed that she still remembers me...

What's on my mind right now?









Its blank...I don't know why! I'm still waiting for a call...

Post Mortem Analysis of the Subconscious

I'm once again moved by my friend's views on my dream. Here's what Doctor Doyle thinks of my dream:

doyle says:
you posted your dream twice van
doyle says:
hehe
doyle says:
i think it dus not mean anything
doyle says:
we dream of sumthing smtyms cz we think of it or we hope for it to happen pro lain lng inig interpret sa dreams..
doyle says:
i think imu dream means that u became angry wd ur crush cz he dznt sim to notice u more than a friend cz naa xay lain na gnhn pero nag hope ka na mas happy xa wd you..mau na naay sadness sa iya eyes..
doyle says:
then katu si nico, is dznt necesarily mean na xa jd tu..it means na u want to find a person na comfortable ka..
doyle says:
imu dream k simple rmn, its the cycle of love...there's pain, then jpy
doyle says:
joy^
doyle says:

and guess what on that day we saw each other...when we were having our planned dinner with the Ball-Manipulators, we sat beside each other. And we were laughing and talked and reminisce on our past dilemmas on our thesis.

And I enjoyed the night, beginning with an afternoon with our team's socialization. And guess what I felt so lucky to be included in Kate's team. I mean, I'm sure I will learn a lot and I now appreciate the monitoring that Kate does on my work. She just wants me to improve and excell in my field of work.

Well back to the dinner: he invited us to his gig this coming Friday in Kahayag. I want to go to support him. And Louise and Ian also wanted to go to support him like I do. and Louise and I decided to go and made plans. We'll have to do some chores though so that our parents will let us go out on a Friday night. hehehehe...

anyway, here are some of our pics...


Team Socialization at Don Henrico's


Partial Ball-Manipulator's Dinner at Golden Cowrie

















Ball-Manipulators minus Alain and Cathy with Daddy Luis and Mommy Janice


Okay that's all for my Saturday agenda...I'll keep you posted with my crazy life...
chow!

I had a weird dream: is this a sign???

Dreams are supposed to mean something; like if you are subconsciously thinking about that person or if something bad or good will happen to you. Right?


But with my dream, I don't know if already happened or it will serve as a warning that it may happen.


MY DREAM:
Location: my old high school USC-GHS pentagon
Characters: My crush, his ex and this guy I knew from elementary: NICO


The Scene:
I was roaming around the pentagon coz its seems that they were having a fair, maybe it was intramurals or something. Well anyway, I was looking at trinkets on this certain booth and suddenly my crush's ex girlfriend was standing beside. She was talking to her friends who were around us that time. I couldn't quite get what they were talking about but I kept on looking at her.


Then I walked away, going to a different booth. Then I saw him, my crush, sitting on one of those square plant box near the 4th grader's comfort room. He was also surrounded by his friends. Then he saw me. He looked at me with those sad eyes. Then suddenly his ex was coming up to him then sat on his lap. She was like cuddling him and he on the other hand looked very confused. He then reached out his hand to me. Something like he wanted me to go over there to free him from the bondage of his ex.


But at that moment, the loathing I felt overcame my likeness for him. I do wanted to go and save him and pull him away but then my pride and anger forced me to turn my back and walk away.


With a gloomy face and a sad heart, I kept on walking around until someone called out my name. And when I turned to look and see who it was, it was Nico. We then talked like we always do when we meet and then suddenly he asked if I would like to leave the school and go somewhere else. Surprisingly, I felt really safe with him and that I'd like to go somewhere else with him. He then held out his and I took it. I really liked holding his hand and we were walking towards the exit gate...


Then the alarm on my cellphone went off and I woke up from my dream.


ANALYSIS:
What I was wondering is that why I was dreaming of:

1.) my crush - I wasn't thinking of him when I fell asleep but well, he was the last one I received a text from. We were trying to plan a going away dinner for our friend tonight. What bother's me is I am certain that I'm not that crazy about him anymore. I mean the feeling is still there but I'm now singing "I'M ALMOST OVER YOU..."hehehe...well anyway...

2.)his ex gf - now that is freaky! I mean, I know we used to say hi and hello to each other coz she was like part of our batch but then when they broke up and she kept on seeing us together, I don't know maybe we're not friends anymore. I was reading her blogs in friendster lately and she seemed really sad and depressed. But I know she will be okay, I hope she will.

----maybe they will eventually get back together----
I mean I know that he told me that he finally decided to let her go but then who knows, maybe its just for the meantime that he thinks its finally going to end. Coz I know that he still likes her a lot.


But my question is: WHAT DOES THEIR RELATIONSHIP HAVE TO DO WITH ME???

3.)Nico - I haven't seen him since March? Now why all of a sudden he's in my dreams? I'm certain that I don't feel anything for the guy because he's not even in my circle of friends.

Finally, maybe its just nothing. A small figment of my subconscious imagination. IT DOES NOT MEAN ANYTHING....Yet....hehehe...




I really like this band... and I would like to dedicate the song: 3 Libras to my beloved crush!hehehehe

chill guyz and have a great weekend!