Everything is in its right place

Another day...I don't want to gloat. I don't want to answer questions. I don't want to explain why I am angry, sad or depressed. I don't even want to stop smiling. Its crazy!

Motto for the day:

I don't know...I don't care! - by Freedom

I wish it were that easy to be genuinely happy for answered prayers. That is if your answered prayer is for you but no, it had to be perfect for somebody else. And you, you are left, with more questions. It's tiring.

Another heartache, days before my 25th. When will this ever end?

But I still long for HIM! For His presence, for His favor. And now, my prayer changed...

Let me be found!

Yes everything is in its right place. I didn't dream of August before we became friends because he was the ONE for me...I dreamed of August because God wants to awaken my sleeping soul. That was his only purpose in my life...And like any traveler, he moves on. And I travel a different path as well...Hoping, wishing, praying that I'd be found along the way!

And like everything else in this world...feelings are temporary, fleeting with the wind, written in a song, dried tears in pillows. This too shall pass. And it would probably take me a short or a long time to get past this but somehow I am positive that this does not create a permanent mark in my inner most hidden self.

So I thank YOU, whoever you are, for one more day.

I live, I love, I lost, I cry and I love some more!

Wounds That Heal

I am currently attending a counseling class sponsored by Cebu City Alliance Church. Nope its not a Roman Catholic church but a Christian church. Now how did I ever get to know CCAC? To make the long story short, I was invited by my officemates and August...I know, there's always a connection to him.

After all the devastating weeks I've been through, I thought I could never go back. I thought I would be able to drop everything, move on with my life without so much so as glance back with what I have so far accomplished in terms of my spiritual awakening and growth, with the new friends I've found. But then again, the better part of me reconsidered. I couldn't just turn my back on everything and everyone. They're not part of whatever it is that happened between me and August. They don't deserve to be treated that way...And neither am I...

And so I went back to my class, faced my fears head on and I felt better after wards...

I just want to share this poem with you. It was included in the hand outs our teacher: Pastor Ruel gave us and wonderfully, sincerely read by Ate Rhonda:

I was neurotic for years.
I was anxious and depressed and selfish.
And everyone kept telling me how
neurotic I was.

And I resented them,
and I agreed with them,
and I wanted to change,
but I just couldn't bring myself to change,
no matter how hard I tried.

What hurt the most was that my best friend,
also kept telling me how neurotic I was.
He too kept insisting that I change.

Then one day, he said to me, "Don't change.
Stay as you are. It really doesn't matter
whether you change or not. I LOVE YOU
just as you are, I cannot help loving you."


Those words sounded like music to my ears.
"Don't change. Don't change.
Don't change. ...I LOVE YOU."

And I relaxed. And I came alive.
And, oh wondrous marvel, I changed.

Now I know that I couldn't really
change until I found someone who
would love me whether I change
or not.

Amazing isn't it? It brought tears to my eyes and even though we were talking about wounds that night and it was after all a counseling class, I couldn't somehow still let my classmates see me crying and so thankful that I was wearing glasses, I sniffed and wiped them away.

Today I was there standing, listening to August sing the song "The Promise" by Martin Niviera. Its the second time I've heard him sing that. The first time, my heart leaped but the second, my heart died.

Still I believe that today was better than yesterday and tomorrow would even be much better...by God's grace it'll be!

Buenos Noches!

The Return of the Comeback

Just finished reading some of the forums in facebook...It was so much fun reminiscing the happy moments during my grade school days. And I also saw some of our old classmates and school mates - Rachel Anne Navarro, Hannah Candace Sumalinog, Yapi, Ramon Fernandez III, Emmon Pacres, Albien Jake Albina, Antoi and Claire Bulotano. We met up at starbucks in Ayala and sorta jump started the planning of our reunion.

The reunion is just the icing on the cake...Seeing these guys after 12 years is such a happy moment for me. One of the best moments of my life were spent in grade school. And I just realized that some of these people have become such worthwhile friends. Such a blessing...

And its so timely. Because I'm starting over...

I'm planning of going to a lenten recollection. I just feel I'm spiritually deprived. This is still part of my starting over and drastic change...to what extent? I still have no idea... This is hopefully for the better. Better stronger ME...

Love all, trust a few, hurt no one.

Never say...

Never say never coz you never know...

--broken hearted but I'm picking up the pieces one day at a time...
--got tons of support from real friends...I can see every effort of making me feel better and I am grateful believe me...I am thousand times over...
--trying to learn another language again: Spanish...French is too hard without anybody to practice with.
--kinda looking forward to the USC-SGS batch '97 pre-reunion meeting...
--had tons of fun with Cathy and Louise last Friday...
--so happy that my friends are happy and in love...
--reformatted my Workstation once again...
--got a new haircut.

What can I say...my life is full of drama...but it wouldn't be worth writing about if it weren't!


*more blogs to come since I've already replaced my broken keyboard...about time right?and no more guy to keep me away from home!*