Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Rainy Tuesday

the rain pours like tears ever flowing
yet my heart rests at peace
keeping very still
listening to the drops
reminiscing...
good memories
bad ones
they all don't matter
i am living in the now
i am a better person than before
i am stronger, wiser
and yet still full of hope
as i listen to the music you shared
i am once again drawn
to you
to your talent
to the one thing that leads me back
to your talent
to your person
to liking you
more
music i want
more
music i long for
more music
more melody
more of you!


typed this while listening to Emancipator - First Snow.

Monday, November 23, 2009

Guitar Monologue

I read this article in the November issue of Bite magazine and thought I'd make one for my Travis.

We met at her grandma's house, by the terrace where her uncle introduced me to her. You see I came from Thailand but I'm not Thai. I was discovered in a not so recent Asian tour by her namesake. The moment she saw me she hugged my huge body tight and run her fingers through my arm. From then on we had this connection that made us inseparable even if a lot of guys have come by to take her heart and break it. She pounds through me when she's angry and fiddles me when she's inspired. A lot of people loved the music I create but my loyalty sticks with my one and only rock princess. The only fingers that could satisfy the eargasmic music I can resonate are hers and hers alone.  I am hers and she is mine. We are one in music.


~Travis, Bastina's boyfriend~



So how was my weekend?  It was unexpected.  My plans of going jogging and losing a few calories didn't push through.  Apparently there was some emergency that woke me up around 5:21AM.  I wasn't able to go back to sleep because I kept visualizing Wonder Boi's cut finger.  I was late for the exam that I had to facilitate and we even had some technical issues because they didn't prepare the test ahead of time.  I should've gone ahead and printed those tests.  But anyways, the kids (college kids) were cool and I know they were thankful that it was a bit delayed, they still had time to cram.  I was once a crammer!  I should know.  Had lunch with my adopted sister Rona at Brother's Burger after I finished an iced dark mocha at Bo's.  I had a second helping of coffee when I met with Maje, my "classmate in college" as she continually implies on Rona when we met her at Fully Booked rummaging through piles of good read.  I must say, it would be utterly proud of me to even level myself with an aspiring doctor of Philosophy.  I had a good talk with her, catching up, ranting, getting a piece of her mind, giving a piece of mine, nodding and then finally a release of the once burdensome secret.  I was in a state of pure bliss.  We ended the afternoon promising that we would meet again.  I hope she would text me when she goes to Ayala after her class.  My day ended having dinner with my grade school friends.  We hanged out at Coffee bean before that and I ended up walking with Wonder Boi to the office to get Travis.  Strummed and sang again to my heart's content.  That walk made me discover something I shouldn't have.  It makes things complicated.  That night I received a call which makes things even more confusing.  I don't want to listen to my heart this time.  Not yet. I keep telling myself to be logical and realistic.  Hay...Sunday rolled and spent it with mom.  I won't be guilty anymore of not spending enough time with the parents.  We bonded over manipeddy, Jollibee and then Twilight after hearing mass.  I miss hanging out with her.  I promised to take her to New Moon on Friday with my Tita and my cousin Alyssa!

Next week's going to be madness!  Got 2 major events to organize and another upcoming audit.  But I'm once again pumped with adrenaline rush from that phone call...Darn I love hearing his voice...hahaha...Till next weekend!




Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Best days...

Today was one of the best days of the week. Why?
  • I had coffee with Jasmine at Starbucks (yep I'm only 6 stickers away to my very first Starbucks planner). We talked and caught up with all the happenings while she's on her motherly duties to prince Ezri!  The weight I lifted last night weighed tons lighter as soon as I spurted out all my frustrations with work and non-work (if you know what I mean).  Once again she generously shared a piece of her mind on my not so trivial love issues. I just love talking to her and can't help but feel blessed to have such a friend.  I can't wait for our Friday lunch date!
  • Someone from my past whom I greatly missed tapped me in the shoulders this afternoon while waiting for my no cream iced coffee to be served.  I was so happy to see my old Philo professor Maje that I instantly hugged her and forgot that I haven't seen her in like 3 years? and she probably would be uncomfortable with me doing so.  But I was just so happy.  She contributed much to my sanity and writing and she practically doesn't have a clue that she made a major impact to how my life is going right now and how I make my decisions.  We'll be having coffee with Maia on Saturday...
  • Today I realized I am totally addicted to Tool specifically Maynard's voice.  I posted a link to this song in my facebook account but that was a cover in piano.  I am posting the original by Tool:



Angels on the sideline,
Puzzled and amused.
Why did Father give these humans free will?
Now they're all confused.

Don't these talking monkeys know that
Eden has enough to go around?
Plenty in this holy garden, silly monkeys,
Where there's one you're bound to divide it.
Right in two.

Angels on the sideline,
Baffled and confused.
Father blessed them all with reason.
And this is what they choose.
And this is what they choose...

Monkey killing monkey killing monkey
Over pieces of the ground.
Silly monkeys give them thumbs,
They forge a blade,
And where there's one
they're bound to divide it,
Right in two.
Right in two.

Monkey killing monkey killing monkey.
Over pieces of the ground.
Silly monkeys give them thumbs.
They make a club.
And beat their brother, down.
How they survive so misguided is a mystery.

Repugnant is a creature who would squander the ability to lift an eye to heaven conscious of his fleeting time here.

Cut it all right in two 
[x4]

Fight over the clouds, over wind, over sky
Fight over life, over blood, over prayer,
overhead and light
Fight over love, over sun,
over another, Fight...

Angels on the sideline again.
Been soon long with patience and reason.
Angels on the sideline again
Wondering when this tug of war will end.

Cut it all right in two 
[x3]
RIGHT IN TWO!

Right in two...




  • And lastly?  I now realized, the year is ending soon but the best is yet to come!

Saturday, November 14, 2009

Somebody Slow Me Down

I just can’t get enough of this:

Rushing and racing and running in circles
Moving so fast I'm forgetting my purpose
Blur of the traffic is sending me spinning
Getting nowhere


-         Have I been doing this just to divert my attention? To get my head away from thinking of people whom I think doesn’t even know how much they affect my mood, how my day goes, how safe I feel and how peaceful I am when I lay my head down on my pillow.  Thoughts would always come flooding when I am commuting, while listening to my IPOD.  And I drift, somewhere far from the busy buzz of traffic and people.  My heart and my mind are lost in space.  And I wouldn’t even notice that time has passed and I have gone the distance, I have arrived to where my destination is.  Would my life be like this most of the time?  Fast paced occurrences and events fly by like speed of sound and I wouldn’t even be able to enjoy the tune?  I hope not.

My head and my heart are colliding chaotic
Pace of the world I just wish I could stop it
Try to appear like I've got it together
I'm falling apart


-         There are just those days when I feel so confused and frustrated that it makes me so cranky I don’t even want to talk to anyone about it.  It’s not that I am irritated with everybody but it’s probably because I don’t know how to explain how I feel.  I always end up having my logic and emotions battle it out.  I don’t like the thought of me explaining myself, my thoughts and feelings to someone who doesn’t even know what the word empathy really means.  Like duh! As if they really want to understand.  Most of the time, people just wants to squeeze the truth out of you because they thrive for gossip and feed on rumors.  My best shield in times like this is to shut up and sleep over it.  It’s safer that way because I usually let my emotions get the worst of me and I end up making a fool of myself.

Save me
Somebody take my hand and lead me
Slow me down
Don't let love pass me by
Just show me how
Cause I'm ready to fall
 

         I hope this time I’ll take time to know myself with the person whom I’m going to be with.  I’ll take my time in getting to know me when I am with him and especially what I am without him.  I hope that person would be able to see more than the goody-toe-shoes persona that people always mistaken me for.  I hope that he will see beyond me being overbearing, powerful, intimidating and think of me as an ally rather than a prize or a competition.  We are all person, individuals with hopes and dreams who loves and believes.  After almost 6 months of mourning, and 2 months of self expression, am I really ready to fall again?  Am I ready to take that risk again?  Is the person who came in the most unexpected time, in the most unexpected place be the one who would be worth getting my heart trampled again?

I am finally able to finish this.  It has been stuck in the drafts in my email.  I stayed till the morning again here in the office.  I hope everything goes well with what I worked late for and I would finally be able to get some decent sleep and get the chance to dream of sneakers. Hehe…I wonder why he always manages to pull me back in when I am about to let go?

I’m going home now because it’s almost 6am!  Time to dream…