P A S K O

As part of the Christmas tradition/obligation, we attended mass yesterday at Sto. Rosario church. I applaud the priest for giving out a great humorous and straight to the point sermon. Of all the masses I have attended, never have I learned so much and laughed so much at the same time. The priest -unfortunately forgot his name- talked about the true meaning of PASKO, a word which means Christmas in our native tongue. Here's a quick summary of his sermon.

P - Pasudla si Cristo - Let Christ enter. For me it means letting Christ's love spread to ever inch of you that you will be able to muster up the courage to forgive, let go of old grudges, forget debts or perhaps delay payment, erase all the hurt and pain you felt towards another person or because of another person. It's easier said than done, I know, but we can at least try if we do believe that Christ is the ultimate savior and He died for us for one reason and one reason alone: LOVE!

A - Atras Bisyo - Step back on the vices. What are these vices we need to eliminate?

B - Babae -- for guys, stop adultery, could be for girls as well...
I - Inom -- alcoholism
S - Sugal -- gambling
YO - Yosi -- smoking

-- while listening to the priest I can't help but look to my left and witness my father's reaction. He has two of the aforementioned vices and I'm not quite sure if he's taking the priest's sermon seriously or he's just letting it pass his other ear. The priest said that its hard to stop right away, to those who drink that they might do it in moderation because too much of everything is dangerous and bad. I do agree 100%. And he went on about smoking and lung cancer. I just wish my father would be touched by his words, its not mine anymore but the priests and somehow, priests are extension of God's voice. I hope he listens this time.

S - Simba - Go to Church. Don't just go to church and sleep, or talk/backbite, or text every now and then. Go to church and listen to what God has to say about your prayers. Most Catholics who go to church have something to ask from God and most of the time they expect answers. But somehow it doesn't work that way. You have to listen very carefully within your heart because sometimes its only through yourself that God gives his answers.

K - Katag ang maayong buhat - Spread your good deeds. Very self explanatory but very hard to do. Just be a good example. Do what you think may not just be for your own good but also for the good of others around you.

O - Ora mismo - Right now! - Do all of these right now. Don't wait for tomorrow to start changing/doing what you have to do. Tomorrow may not come at all.
Hey I'm no saint, I might be struck by one of the latter points but I have so much love in me I'm willing to give it a try and you should too...

Maayong Pasko kaninyong tanan!

Merry Christmas to all...

I had my fair share of holiday rush yesterday. I was with my brother and all along I thought it would be easy since I already have items in mind. But then what would you do if those items are not available anymore? Panic stricken, we roamed the streets of Colon till we ended up in Ayala. My budget was off the roof! But then my brother said, its okay. Christmas comes just once a year. And besides it would take me forever to find gifts that they might like but I don't like giving. Am I making sense here? Anyway, alls wrapped and ready to go...Whew!

After two weeks on not doing yoga, I had muscle aches on my shoulders again. Our final stint last Saturday was to do this Buddha pose, the one where you put your hands together as if praying but instead of putting it in the front, you do it at your back and then bend and put your head on your knee. I don't know if you can imagine it but the one secret to performing every yoga position is breathing. Didn't think I will be able to do it but with the help of our teacher, Arwina - nice name! I was able to pull it off.

I'll be on vacation leave till January 2, so I think I can blog more.

By the way, this is the pic I submitted for my profile. They weren't able to guess who I portrayed, if they paid attention to the middle name, they'd know it was me: NATASHA LOREIN AMOS HAWLEY...Tori Amos' daughter...Got the pic in Deviant though

updates:
-busy-needs rest-contented-kilig-fulfilled-happy-

Merry Christmas to all...

Paris Death and YOU

Pour aller à Paris et mourir!
To go to Paris and die!

PARIS -->

Should that be my dictum in life? Nah... Its just an expression our teacher in French introduced to us when we were talking about the unique jobs they have in France. Most if not all of the artists who created the most extraordinary paintings and sculptors were either from Italy or Spain or Portugal but they lived and died in Paris. Now, the very reason why I opted to jump right in and attend the first language class Accenture offers here in Cebu is that I might one day visit Paris (pronounced as Paree without an S). I know its one of those far-fetched dream of mine but heck who knows. Who could've known that I'd be able to visit Singapore while I was still in college? I love French - J'aime le francais. But I won't die in France...Which brings me to my second topic...

Should I write about you? Or the things about you that up to now surprises me? Is it safe to say that I'm trying to find out who you really are and so far, in spite of all the weirdness you show, I'm still enjoying every moment I spend with you...No this is me not falling...

DEATH -->
We were on our way to Ayala to buy something to eat when out of the blue he asked me: Are you afraid to die VAN? For a split second I thought and then said: NO! I bet that surprised him more than it surprised me because he fell silent for a minute and then asked: Are you sure? And then I told him: I'm actually not afraid to die but I'm more afraid if one of my loved-ones die. I can't bear the pain and loss. Then he said: You are still afraid of death!

Yes I'm afraid of death but not my own.
Yes I'm afraid of death but I have long accepted that it would someday come to each one of us.
Yes I'm afraid of death but its one of the inevitable.
Yes I'm afraid of death but that fear is overcome by faith in Christ.
Yes I'm afraid of death but that fear didn't stop me from living.

It was one of the weirdest conversations we had. And believe it or not I enjoyed it. With him I can think and blurt out whatever I'm thinking. I don't know how he does it but I can say whatever I want and he makes me think of wonderful ideas and takes away any hesitation of not sharing my thoughts.

Then I remembered all those morbid thoughts of my death: Me walking up the steep stairs and then there's a slippery part I missed to evade, I slipped and hit my head on the stair case breaking my skull killing me instantly; or me crossing the street then out of the blue a full speed 10 wheeler truck is just a couple of meters away from me hit me straight on smashing my body out of recognition; or me lying in a hospital bed with a bandage wrapped around my head, all my hair's gone and a life support holds my life together and then my family decides to pull the plug on me. I know, very cruel, very morbid and to me, very real. Could be one of the reasons why I'm not afraid to die, I have already imagined my death. I hope you don't my sharing of the gruesome side of Vanessa...

On another note:
And lastly if ever you get the chance to eat out somewhere, eat at City Grill, great food and a nice band --> 12 pm.

mind, body, heart and soul

What have I been doing the past days??? Didn't get the chance to blog since first and foremost nothing knocked on my brain till now. What am I to blog about???
Got a couple of news and updates:

I just finished my second session of YOGA yesterday and it was pretty challenging. Although the techniques were well demonstrated by our teachers/instructors my body unfortunately had a hard time mimicking the moves. Had to put much effort on rolling my body upwards after the push up position. I wasn't the least bit embarrassed since if not all then most of us including the guys couldn't lift their body's and do more than 2 rolling stints. This is quite a challenge for me since I just realized I'm not that flexible as I used to be when I was dancing with the Engineering Pop Jazz Team, but that was like 2 years ago. And up to now, I'm still into dancing and believe me I want so badly to dance again. But I have to get rid of this extra weight first and condition my body. With yoga - I'll be trying to do it everyday, badminton - every Sunday and proper diet - less rice more veggies and chocolates only on weekends I'm pretty positive that I'll have great results in due time. Which brings me to my second news...

My cousin came back from Singapore where she works as a nurse in one of the hospitals near Orchard - I forgot to ask her where exactly - assigned in the ICU department. She'll be here for the next two weeks and I couldn't be any more happier to see her. She gave me the huge news yesterday. She's getting married come August 2008 and guess who's going to be her maid-of-honor: ME! I couldn't believe it! Its the first wedding I've attended since my aunt got married 10 years ago. And me being maid-of-honor was surprising and well heart-warming. And she asked me to give her a hand in planning for it since she'll still be in Singapore till well August. I'm excited for the big day but I'm even more excited since I'll be participating in the planning. She bought tons of magazines just for us to browse through...Whew!
Well the third one on the list is not exactly news since this would probably sound more of a cliche since I've been going on and on about this since the birth of this blog. But I would still go on about it most especially after watching a movie that would make me think!

The captain told me: your one true love is just right before your eyes.
- rephrased from STARDUST

Then I though to myself if my prince charming is just right around the corner then he could be just someone among my dozen guy-friends. He could be that guy across me who has shares the same views on missionary work, takes the same classes as I do, sings and dances for God and has great faith in Him and by far the only one who calls me by my real nick name? Or that guy whom I thought I fell in love with, who plays awesome music with his hands and sings like there's no tomorrow - the ultimate artist? Or that guy whom I experienced most of my romantic days or so I thought, who's the complete opposite of me and who used to make me feel special.? Or is someone outside my circle, someone I'm yet to meet, not from Cebu or Manila, someone who's not from the solutions workforce, someone who doesn't belong to the industry? And you know what, not having to meet him yet makes it even more interesting, makes it more exciting. And if he does exist among my previous and current group of friends, I'm pretty sure that something wonderful will happen in God's chosen time. I do trust Him you know, and I've already given Him my heart for safe keeping. Its up to Him now to give it to somebody deserving, somebody who needs love and would most likely to reciprocate the love given!

What does a star do? Shine!
But for it to shine, it must mend
its broken heart!

mind, body, heart and sould

Chinese Proverbs...

The tortoise said that it always travels with its musical instrument in case it meets other musicians.

Stressing a state of maintaining a state of preparedness.

Tell a child to wash his body, he washes his stomach.

This is a sign of immaturity.

If the yam used in sacrifice does not die prematurely, it will eventually germinate.

Things will eventually improve despite the present difficulties.

Knock a valiant man on the ground and the shouts will be tremendous.

The downfall of a famous man attracts public attention.

Kill a warrior during skirmishes at home, you will remember him when fighting enemies.

Don't destroy your leaders.

Teasers Galore!!!

Here are some photos I edited for our fund raising...

The first one is for the first week. The one below is for the week that followed. The one that Doyle commented on is the 2nd one.


Unfortunately both didn't make the cut since they didn't comply with Accenture's standards. But I had fun doing them and learned some tricks a long the way. Appreciated LAYERS more now that I understand how we could manipulate the tools in Photoshop. By the way I used CS 2 for this. But you have to make sure that your memory is more than 512MB to be able to work around CS 2 without having to wait for your mouse pointer to move!

we give in sometimes

I had this office mate. She's pretty but stern looking. Every time I look at her and try to smile, I have second thoughts because there's no hint of smile on her face. She's not that friendly, well not as I hoped she would be. She's the only one in her batch I haven't said hi to. But then, her birthday came. Days before that I added most of their batch mates's YM's to my list. And so on her birthday I sent her a message crossing my fingers that she'd reply... And she did!On the way to Mylet's cube to get my lunch I dropped by her cube and said my greetings. Since then, I can officially say she's one of my acquaintance. I thought I would never get the chance to talk to her. I thought I would probably have this feeling of loathing when she's around. But its gone now...We do give in sometimes....

I finally decide to get out of the way. Its hard coz he's always around and people talk. One thing I've learned so far is not to be too trusting. Doyle and I admitted to ourselves that we have lots of acquaintances but not too many true friends. We can never tell who'll stick around to pick up the pieces when you're all down and broken. Weeks before I was stuck with the matter of friendship versus my pride. Friendship versus my feelings. Friendship versus self worth. Heck, he should have treated me differently. I am supposed to be different. I am supposed to be conservative. But I gave in to the idea of me breaking free of my old self. I listened to my cousin's voice: let loose, you're too frigid. And look what it got me. Funny how we often do stupid things before we learn. I gave in, got hurt and bounced back. I need to bounce back, I only have once choice...MOVE FORWARD!

As always, in an environment which is so conducive to change I try to blend in. I coexist. That's they only way to survive the wild jungle. But unlike the call center I worked before, people don't move out that often. And they come in most of the time. We're growing in number and we move a lot depending on the project. And now that I'm moving out of my current project yet to be welcomed in another, I'm filled with excitement. I'm kinda looking forward to it. You should have seen me a month ago. Too hesitant to be transferred, very scared of change. But now, I'm glad they've given me the break. Its up to me now to prove my worth. Wish me luck!





word's from the wise:

Sometimes, you just have to try not to care no matter how much you do.
Because sometimes you mean nothing to someone who means so much to you.
Its not pride, its called self-respect.

Busy week, such a busy week

I couldn't complain anymore. Got lots of task this week that I thought my life was a whirlwind. We had to design a postcard for a fund raising event. I never thought I could actually put my artistic side to good use. I had to pull out my flash tutorial from one of my hidden folders and tried to review it but then we ended up doing just a simple design in JPEG. We can't think of ways to embed flash to our emails since we need to email it to the entire Accenture population in the Philippines. Anyways, on top of that I was already given work from my boss in Manila. We had to do teleconferencing everyday just to discuss the task. My "tagalog" was polished to the brim. I'm unfortunately not too fluent with our national language. It's not that I hate it, its just that I get my tongue twisted most of the time. I also had to organize a give away present to two colleagues from our team who were going back to Manila. Whew. Emails left and right. YM's and AIM's here and there. Lots of questions which need answers. All I could think of was to shout: S T O P!!! Please...let me breathe for a second...My team mates from Creative club, my batch mates who have love problems, my TL!!! But then again, who am I to complain? I kinda wanted this, busy life! I wanted to be preoccupied all the time. So that I won't think of words such as LONELY, SAD, DISAPPOINTED, GONE, LOST and HEARTBROKEN. When Friday finally came, I ended up sleeping the day off. So much for that...

LESSONS LEARNED:

If you want to speak make sure that what you're going to say is true, necessary and kind.

Avoid talking about your love life and most importantly, don't ever preach about your sex life to just anybody!

You can only give as much as what you have.

Hanazakari no Kimitachi e...

You might be wondering why I haven't been blogging lately. For one, been busy with work; with the non-deliverables that is. Recently joined one of the demo meetings of Silver and White Toastmaster's Club. I still don't have that much load at work so I decided to join. Maia told me to do things on my own, which meant me being involved with activities without having my close friends tag along. She told me to do things which would eventually let me meet other people outside my circle. And its great, being out of my comfort zone. It was such a wonderful experience for me so I decided to join which meant more meetings...

Secondly, been having some badminton sessions every Tuesdays and Thursdays with my officemates. I'm still a neophyte at the game but at least I get to have a dose of exercise twice a week.

Thirdly, every time I get home I feel so tired and sleepy that I don't want to turn on the computer anymore. I just get to check things at the office but my eyes retire right away as soon as I step out. Been to an eye doctor lately. There's actually a difference between an Ophthalmologist and Optometrists. Ophthalmologists are trained and licensed to perform surgery and prescribe ocular, oral and systemic medicines. While the Optometrists on the other hand are not doctors but only received 4-5 years education on vision science, eye health and optometry-related areas.

Having this unveiling serious issue with my eyes, I decided to visit Dr. Yong Larrazabal's clinic in Cebu Doctor's University Hospital. I even met up with Dr. Yong face to face. He told me my eyes currently have allergies. I think it was because of what happened last Sunday. I was wearing my contact lenses with make-up on. Put on some mascara. And because I kept on laughing with tears in my eyes, some of the mascara dripped towards my eyes. I had to take off my contact lenses because it stung like hell. The optometrist who took preliminary examinations of my eye told me that while working, which entails me facing the computer more than 8 hours a day, its not advisable for me to be wearing my contact lenses since unfortunately I have dry eyes. She advised me to put on some eye drops to relieve the dry eyes. Dr. Yong prescribed me some eye drops and some eye vitamins. I'm off the contact lenses for now and I also had to have the lenses of my glasses changed. It turned out I have 300 myopic 75 astigmatism on my right eye and 300 myopic 25 astigmatism on my left eye. Its kinda alarming that my grade kept on increasing. Dr. Yong also suggested the Lasik surgery but then I still can't afford it for now that would have to be put off till later.

I recently finished the last episode of Hana Kimi Japan. Its a Japanese series which is full of funny scenes and heart-warming conversations. Even if you're not fond of Japanese series, might as well watch this because it has some moving learnings along with its intelligent humor.

I'm looking forward to my French class and my Yoga class...

So, Hanazakari no Kimitachi e. By the time we'll meet again, I'll still be here for you in full bloom! =)

How's Me?

Today my heart got crumpled again. Didn't choose to, didn't want to but due to those unexpected comments from friends - I know He means well - those happy pictures and a mis sent message makes the feeling come back and replicate into a thousand needles. Watched an episode of Grey's Anatomy and once again, Merideth's last line kinda stuck to my mind:

in the matter of knowing what you want,
those who doesn't know what they want
suffers the most.

I'm pretty positive I know what I want right now but why do I still suffer? I want to let go and move on. I am happy where I am now, I just wish I wouldn't get affected that easily. Well I would choose not to. Its all a matter of choice right?

So how's ME, you ask? Today, I'm hanging by a moment!

Take a quick peek...

Ok check out the slideshow I made for my friendster account. While watching the slide show, my mom took a peek. Then she said: "See van, your life is not boring! You have lots of things going on basing from those pictures!" Heck, yeah my life ain't boring. Its actually full of adventures. Here's the slide show! Enjoy!

Quote for the day!

Don't achieve to be greater than your contemporaries. Achieve to be greater than yourself!
- Criminal Minds

The Reason

I'm currently 23 years 4 months and 26 days old! I've already gotten my degree: BS Computer Engineering Major in Digital Systems Design and although my major is in hardware I have a job as an Associate Software Engineer in one of the leading consulting and outsourcing companies in the world. And I owe all of this to a whole lot of people. If it weren't for them, their sacrifices, their guidance, their time and effort, I would have been just another bum holding the remote control and I'd probably be fatter than I am now! (get the picture?)... So then it hit me, the very reason why I strive to reach my goals is basically for my family. They are center of every goal, every objective, every success...

When I was a child I wanted to be the president of the Philippines and I ended up being president of our first grade class. Tough job for a seven year old but I kinda got the hang of things so I ended up being public servant for the rest of the years I was in school. They say, most of those who enter politics joined because of the power. I say they're wrong. When I was an officer in class, it wasn't power that was given to me but a huge responsibility. And the way I see it, I was active in school because I love to serve. I love to organize events to bring people together, be involve in planning activities that would improve and develop people. I love working in the background and contributing whatever talent, skills and ideas I have in putting things in order and making events a big success. I had my fair share of ups and downs but never was I discouraged by rumors, critics and insults. I thought, heck they're just ingrates who weren't so damn blessed with the opportunity to serve.

And now I think I need to serve not just the community but most importantly the family who raised me to become the person I am now. They were the reason then and they're still my reason now. Its because of them that I am aiming to achieve a high position in Accenture. And serving my family would mean giving something back to the world. I owe them more than what I can probably give but then again as long as they're happy and at peace with the world, I am more than ecstatic.

new look, new life?

Got myself a haircut. My hair was too long for a wash and wear manage! Anyways here's my new look. This picture is taken at Kul's Kitchen when I had dinner with my friends from elementary.


It was taken using Karen's phone. So who were there and what do they do after 10 years (didn't realize it had been 10 years since I graduated from my elementary education in USC South Grade School).

In order of arrival:

Me - software engineer, Accenture
Mark Jusef Julio aka July - developer from Alliance loaned to Epson temporarily
April Victoria Pino aka Toriang- Med Rep
Karen Melody Migriño aka Karen - unemployed, reviewing for Accountancy Board Exam
Gizelle Faye Sembrano aka Ipay - Team Lead, Vonage Etelecare
Christy Surigao aka Christy - Nurse, Chong Hua Hospital
Emmanuel Delfino aka Eman - software engineer, Accenture
Manuel Baricuatro aka Junkoy - developer, Epson
Ma. Karla Bautista aka Kai - model, (don't know which agency)

We had coffee first at Mocha Blends then had dinner at Kul's. I couldn't get enough food! The day before I had dinner with Maia, Ipay, Edu and Rhea (college friends). Had my first taste of Persian Palate. It was really yummy!

Anyway, with regards to my title it doesn't actually come along that even if I had my hair cut short I should change who I am to people. I am still me, no matter how I look! Even if I miraculously lose 10 lbs. in 3 months time and probably look sexier (I wish!) I'd still love to help people, still want to keep my privacy, still want to hang out with friends and talk about Music, arts, movies and old classmates from elementary.

By the way, thanks for all those who read my blog and those who took time to post their thoughts on my chatterbox. A reader who doesn't want her/his/its identity to be known sent me an email.

Here goes:

Hey van,
Lets ask you then… Do you think close friends are still close friends when you’re intimate and hold hands? If you say yes, then yes it can be but honestly deep inside ur wishing it could be more than that…. Its your say on continuing to hold hands or intimate because “guys” in general just take advantage we wouldn’t know if they like it or not. They may take advantage, they might also wish the same thing that it could be more or they just don’t want to hurt the girls feelings. To Summarize all its all up to the girl. Can she handle bering intimate knowing that the guy may just be her good friend (at least she was able to take advantage of him)? Dba at least na enjoy nimu ang holding hands. Or is she just being intimate hoping nga something could happen?
Some are lucky that the guy they are falling for realizes. Some are not. Weigh it. If the guy is torpe then maybe time to give him a wake up call if the guy is not torpe then chances are he’s just passing time.

Upon reading this, it got me thinking. Maybe the intimacy is welcomed. Its always nice to have someone hold your hand just to let you know that they're just around the corner if you need them. Its nice to know that there's somebody who's willing to set aside whatever it is they're doing just to listen to you rant or listen to you praise all that had happened in your day. But then for me, its crossing the boundary of "just being close friends" and that certain "something else"!

And then another thought, probably way far from the topic at hand, hit me. I remembered Doyle telling me not to put color/meaning into what people especially guys do. Just wait till they guy blurts out the real deal. But lately it seems that even words are not to be taken seriously, well not all people but when it comes to guys I mean. They may say that they missed you and then mean something else. Ahhh! Why can't they just make up their minds. There are basically 2 choices here:

You like me. OR
You don't like me.

So I'd just probably stay away from guys. Period. End of story! hehehe...

Ranting of the Uplifted

I know to those people who have known me for years, who have heard every story of how I fall in and out of love?, or even listen to all my insane stories of that certain person who once again should not and forever be mentioned, would probably raise their eyebrows saying "Sure ka Van?" or would say "Sus, here you go again!" Well peeps, lets give ME time to forget, to move on, to probably find another form of DISTRACTION. It would be hard since we're unfortunately in the same circle but if there's a will, there should be a way!

Got several questions I'd like you to help me ponder on:

*Since when does being close friends involve holding hands or being intimate?
*How can you tell if a person is flirting or just teasing? Is there a difference? - just tag your answers or send me an email!

FED UP
I'm kinda fed up with people making stories/gossip of what they see or thought they saw. I was never comfortable being the one in the limelight. But heck this thing in the office has got to end. Maybe I'm the one to blame, I let things get too complicated. *But would I be too harsh to tell that certain person whose supposedly "linked" to me to stop fooling around or to stay away? I have asked my friend Mylet about this and she said not to do anything. Just to let things be. I'm not the kind of person who sits around waiting for things to happen. Should I just go with the flow? If I react then I'm too defensive, if I won't it means its true! DAMN!

UPLIFTED!!!

I just realized and felt the real uplifting of the soul after attending mass this evening. I have been so bothered lately I forgot that God is there and that I should just surrender. It feels good, like a thorn has been taken out from me. Lately I've been praying for God to take my heart and give it to someone who needs to be loved, someone who would take care of it and love it back. So far, I think God is still healing it in his hands.

IDEAL GUY!
I found my ideal guy in one of my recent acquaintances. I don't actually have a crush on the person but I just know that if there's somebody I could fall in love with, I'd probably fall head over heels for someone like him! He' s so nice and funny. I've always appreciated guys with good sense of humor. They take my blues away, HE takes my blues away!

JESSICA ZAFRA: TWISTED!

Been reading her articles lately. She actually has a website where she blogs too... Thank God! It keeps me from being bored to death without nothing much to do in the office but read computer based trainings... Hey I'm not complaining here but I'm not used to being absolutely idle both mind and body! ARRRGGGG... I read her 7th compilation of twisted before. It sent me laughing till there were tears in my eyes. I love her craft! I'll add her as link to my site soon!


what else... hmmm... I'm kinda excited for our year end party...shhh.... a Manila band will be performing and I know which one! ahahahah... Till then! Gotta hit the sack!

i should not talk to my friends about him...

Chatted with my friend Karen and she made me realize that its wrong to talk about how I feel for AKBS with her and the rest of my friends since he's also their friend. It would probably be unfair for him if we were talking about him with out him knowing...So I think I should shut up about it...

Then again how on earth would I vent out all these feelings and thoughts if I can't even speak about it? But who said I can't write about it....hehehe....

Maybe I should let this go...Once again its a choice between letting it go, meaning forget about the feeling, him, nice memories, of hoping that someday, just maybe someday, he'd realize that I was the one to fill the void he'd been feeling all these years...OR to continue hoping keeping all these feelings to myself praying that it might not fill me up and let me burst.

From now on, I will not speak of him. I will not make an effort in contacting him. I will not let my friends talk me into calling him to be in a dinner we planned. I will not include him in my plans. If I could perhaps find a way to bail in our planned activities I will. I will try my best to avoid connecting the songs that I'm listening to him. I will avoid eating pizza and kublai. I will try to think of somebody else before I go to sleep. I'll try to think of somebody else when I watch a good movie. I will try to think of somebody else while riding the jeepney home. I will not text him or even forward a message to him. I won't erase his number in my phone but I will skip pressing the number 5 twice.

Its a far fetched plan since my life is intertwined with his in most aspects but then I chose to let it go and I should at least try...right?

I told Karen our lives somewhat depicts that of a "telenobela", its full of drama! I never thought I'd live this way... This is probably way out of my league...

I'm supposed to write about something else except this but something triggered the impulse so I had to write it before it slips out of my mind...

Chow!

and so it is...

I saw him again and the same ol friendship is back. Actually it was just on vacation...We were on vacation from seeing each other. And I'm glad this thing(friendship) between us didn't change. He didn't feel awkward nor did I. At first I confused myself with thinking that the feeling was still there. But then after 20 minutes of walking in the streets of Aznar, I fathom that my feelings were merely that of a sister to a brother. A kind of love that was too strong to diminish over time and distance. I'll still be here for him and as much as possible still include him in my list of interesting people to share with my adventures.

I'm going to take back what I said. GUYS are not PIGs... Well not all that is...I've got to acknowledge my guy friends who are faithful to their girlfriends: DOYLE, ALAIN, IAN, BUTCH, JHE-AR and EDU... They're good guys...and good guys can't be STOLEN!

To the girlfriends of these guys: God blesses your relationship with love and understanding. You are lucky and so be grateful not just for having boyfriends who are blessings but for merely finding love that's true. I'll be praying for you guys and I'll also be praying for those who got their heart's broken. That they might not turn their backs on the world and become cynics! Ahh this is what it takes to be a romantic... You carry the weight of the pain of people who confide on you and you also share in the joys of those people who are in love!

When will I have my turn?


Picture is courtesy of Kelem! My old friend...we go way back elementary days when he plays guitar just to make me jealous! hahaha...

F r a g m e n t e D thoughts: On L O V E

When love beckons to you, follow him,
Though his ways are hard and steep.
And when his wings enfold you yield to him,
Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you.
And when he speaks to you believe in him,
Though his voice may shatter your dreams as the north wind lays waste the garden.
For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you.
Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning.
All these things shall love do unto you
that you may know the secrets of your heart,
and in that knowledge become a fragment of Life's heart.
But if in your fear you would seek only
love's peace and love's pleasure,
Then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of love's threshing floor,
Into the seasonless world where you
shall laugh, but not all of your laughter,
and weep, but not all of your tears.
Love gives naught but itself and takes naught but from itself,
Love possesses not nor would it be possessed:
For love is sufficient unto love.
When you love you should not say,
"God is in my heart," but rather,
"I am in the heart of God."
And think not you can direct the course of love, for love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
Love has no other desire but to fulfil itself.
But if you love and must needs have desires, let these be your desires:
To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night.
To know the pain of too much tenderness.
To be wounded by your own understanding of love;
And to bleed willingly and joyfully.
To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving;
To rest at the noon hour and meditate love's ecstasy; to return home at eventide with gratitude;
And then to sleep with a prayer for the beloved in your heart and a song of praise upon your lips.

--- Khalil Gibran.

Fragmented thoughts: Friday I’m supposed to be in love!

I was supposed to blog last Friday night but my tired body and confused mind gave in to sleep and so I put it off till yesterday but then internet connection was down so this is so late but anyways.

So what exactly happened last Friday?

Morning Inspiration:

One of our CEO flew all the way from London for our office’s inauguration and most if not all of our senior executives were present the whole day. We had a townhall meeting at Marriott and for me it was more than a Q and A. It was the jumpstart of a good career in Accenture. It was a signal fire that opened my eyes to a whole lot of different opportunities. All of the senior executives admitted to having to go through being a programmer paving their way to achieving their position now. And the only common advice they gave us was:

*If you plan your career, do it in such a way that you think of long term goals.
*Stay in the company and you will achieve this.
*Have a positive attitude towards things and do your job well. You are empowered to do the best that you can because each good thing that you do will be noticed and will surely be rewarded!

These advices are quite broad in nature but it can be done. I am inspired to do great things by people who don’t even know me, by family, by friends, by enemies, by the majority of the poor Filipino people and by God. Although its too early to tell but then each programmer in Accenture has the same opportunity to become a senior executive in 3-5 years time!

Afternoon ranting:
A heart got broken into pieces by the last person she thinks could break it. Its an unfortunate sad moment of my life. Nope its not my heart but my friends heart. And for what? For a girl who threw herself at guys. These are the instances that make me fear diving into a relationship. Guys are easily tempted by girls who are aggressive. I know I should not generalize things, but there goes the same chauvinist attitude of guys. Boys will be boys… I remember one of my past guy friends saying: If a corn is thrown at a rooster, won’t it take it right away? Grab the opportunity. Its not everyday that this fine lass cuddles me to my hearts delight, I don’t even need to make my move! It happens to the best of relationships and it could happen to me. My devil tells me that all guys are the same; that they would just hurt and trample upon my kindness. But my angel disagrees, saying that I should not lose hope in people. That not all guys take the bait from bitchy girls. How could these people sleep at night knowing that they have hurt somebody?

And so instead of Friday being a love day, it was full of tears and angry hearts. Can somebody please give me the reason to hope or to cling on to something to continue hoping that good exists in people, that not all guys are pigs and that there is somebody who would have the courage to stick it up till the end and commit!

How would you heal a broken heart? Would it change the person in a good way or would it turn him/her into a different type of person? --- watch out for next the post!

crashing fast...

nope this has nothing to do with my feelings...well not entirely...

the mysterious became familiar
too familiar indeed
i thought i would like
him to be close by
but not this close
can't move
can't breathe
can't live?
but then is familiarity
a part of the package?
am i lucky or am i doomed?
why is everybody happy
and im confused?
will too much closeness
be the reason for me
to lose the feeling?

Okay so its mostly all of what I'm thinking, hypothetically speaking...I'll blog some more soon!

Dang, uploading pics is such a hassle...I'm so tired and sleepy...gotta hit the sack soon!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO GIZELLE FAYE SEMBRANO, my friend, confidante, fashion adviser, dietician and a true sister indeed! May you be happy with love and life! May God bless you with all the sparks and magic!May He let you reach fulfillment and grant you contentment...Love you Yapi!

f r a g m e n t e d t ho ugh ts: about guys and how they act around girls they like...

Guys usually don't spill the beans about girls to a GIRL. But in my case since I'm close to the guys, went out drinking with them, proven my worth of the secrets of the male denomination, I have finally gained their trust.

Some guys are very affectionate. They would really master up the courage to show their feelings to a girl. Take friend one for example. He smiles, talks, holds the hand of the girl. Girl on the other hand only sees the guy as a friend, pulls away slowly trying not hurt the feelings of friend one. He's too forward. Gotta speed things down. If you're not that certain if the girl you like likes you back, don't be friend one.

Friend two says that if he likes a girl he would give all his time and attention to the girl in which ever situation or event there is. Take for example doing one of our objects. I kept on bugging him about a certain question with regards to one of our technical designs. He barely listens...Why? He's focusing on helping the girl he likes. Which is sweet and touching... If only the girl could realize that he likes her. If only the girl would take note of the efforts he does to help her out leaving the office at half past 12 midnight just to help her with the codes... Sometimes girls could be so damn CLUELESS... Well in this case, this girl is just not that assuming perhaps...I like friend two's style. If you like a girl, befriend her. If you can't say out loud how you feel then show it in a good way.

Friend three is the most mysterious one. He doesn't talk to the girl, he doesn't say hi and they don't interact. But then take note of the text message I have read while we were conversing with the girl. Don't get me wrong I wasn't peeping into her inbox. It just so happened she was sitting down and I was at her back because we were looking at someone's friendster account. She opened the message from friend three and it goes: YOU'RE SO DAMN ATTRACTIVE I CAN'T GET YOU OUT OF MY MIND! Talk about sexy words...hahahaha... but then again, the girl doesn't seem to appreciate the way he opens his feelings towards her. Once again, don't be too confident that the feeling is mutual and act on impulse. Its not that I'm saying to be pessimistic towards the whole situation but then again...Take it slow. Get to know the person. Its not at all being SEGURISTA, its avoiding rejection and falling too hard. Believe me, although I'm not a guy, I've learned my lesson!

So far I've only pointed out three kinds of guy moves. There's still a lot I haven't mentioned. Till next post.

If you have comments, suggestions and violent reactions please don't hesitate to tag or send me an email: plum13v@yahoo.com!

I'm going home to the place where I belong

I'm going home on Sunday. It makes my stomach churn...I'm both excited and sad that the end of our training period here in Manila is finally concluding. In spite of the traffic and polution, I kinda loved it here. INDEPENDENCE... But then again, I still don't belong here. I don't belong to the group I'm with. I have discovered a bit of myself because of them but I am not one of them. I am still me, one and only me.

As for the lovelife part, I'm playing the healer role again. Healing broken hearts...wow what a calling right? Its tiring me out but I have no choice...It always happens to me. With mpj, with akbs and now...ahhh...

anyway, so far got a couple of discoveries: about guys and how they act around girls they like and don't like, about getting wasted, about smoking, about girls and why its better to have more guy friends than girl friends, about friendship, family, myself, jealousy, friendship, friends with benefits and a lot more...

watch out for my next post!

grateful love

~upto now i still wonder why i am attracted to guyz who can't seem to commit...for the questionnare in our new project, one of the question goes as: how many relationships have you had before? my answer? 0.5 =) its partly a joke partly true!why? because most if not all of the previous relationships i've had before were could haves...sad but true but it just makes me laugh now.

~and with guys not being able to commit, most guys i end up liking are some kind of what they say as the "chick boy" kind! i know, its absolutely frustrating especially when i end up realizing that it makes me so jealous because i can't demand nor can i complain because he's not committed to me.

~but then i learned to once again control my feelings. i learned to make the most of what i have with him. i have become this person who's true to what i feel. i'm not afraid to show my true feelings anymore. if i'm angry, when i'm sad, if i care or not care and even on those times when i feel jealous.

~i asked my room mate MAYANG if it is okay to be jealous on my situation and she said yes it is. i felt relieved. all those times i feel guilty feeling jealous...what a waste of emotion...

~as of now, im feeling great in a new working environment, i feel challenged and i'm starting to value the relationship i have come to be comfortable with.

~as for the person whom i left, well i'm gonna wait and see in a couple of weeks. as for now, sparks are flying!

Just some reading and a nudge in the head

My office mate sent me an email. It almost want to make me cry of the most unfortunate event that could happen to anyone...And so I realized I'm not the most unlucky girl in the world...

TODAY, I will attend an execution: my own. I will watch it with both
eyes open
and I will not cry. I will not break down just because the man I have
loved
since forever will marry someone else. I will watch him promise himself
to a
woman who will never love him like I have. I will watch them bind
themselves toa vow I should have taken.

I have loved Oliver almost all my life. I have known him since I saved
his six-
year-old hide from a bully named Ricardo who wanted to rid him of his
two
yellowed front teeth. I was five at the time, but having grown with
five older
brothers and a hellion of a sister, \'\'Totoy Cardo\'\' was a piece of
cake.

Oliver was so overcome with embarrassment at having a girl to protect
his
scrawny neck that from that time on he made it a point to be the
rescuer,not

the rescued. As time passed, muscles filled out this lanky frame and
those two
front teeth began to sparkle. He combs his hair, and he takes a bath
daily now.
In short, he has become a fine specimen of manhood.

The best part is, he lived up to his promise: he became my
self-appointed
guardian (well, I don\'t know if that\'s the best or the worst part).
He was just
always there, sticking to me like glue. It used to drive me nuts that
he never
let me out of his sight.

When I was 12, I ran from the infirmary on my way home. I had found out
in the
most humiliating way that I had become a woman: there was a big red
stain on
the back portion of my skirt. The jeers and the taunts followed me
through the
school corridors. Oliver dashed after me and offered to accompany me
home.
I declined, of course. He seemed to understand my discomfiture and
promised
to drop later with the things left in school. When I reached home I was
told
that I needed to jump three times on the stairs (which I did) and to
wash my
face with my blood (which I didn\'t do). Oliver dropped by in the
afternoon,
sporting a black eye and a bruise on his arm. When I asked him what
happened, he
said he had walked into a closed door. I believed him. But a few days
later, minus
the dysmennorhea, I found out that Oliver got into fisticuffs because
some guy
made a disgusting remark about me.

Nobody had ever fought for me before that. And when you\'re 12 and
discussing in class how King Arthur and fairest of them all, Lancelot,
fought for
Guinevere\'s love, you tend to get ideas. I loved Oliver then.

When we were in high school and I found out that the school\'s
heartthrob
and one of my most ardent suitors, Richard, was involved with a bustier
girl,
it was to Oliver that I ran. When I didn\'t graduate as valedictorian
and I
got so drunk, it was Oliver who took me home. He didn\'t even mind
that I barfed
all over his dad\'s car (which he borrowed without permission).

When I decided to go to UP and he went to Ateneo, we celebrated by
partying. When I lost my mom in a car accident, he took care of
everything.

When my dad followed my mom less than a year later after a heart
attack, he
was there again.

By this time he was an appendage of my life. He used to check out the
guys
I came to know. Nobody dared to get serious with me--not when Oliver
had a
black belt.I didn\'t know how to define our relationship. I didn\'t
know what we
were. We definitely were more than friends, better even than best
friends. It was
like we were a couple, but formally not one. We did all the things that
couples
did like hang out and neck but always stopped when things got too hot.
Since we never defined what we meant to each other we never said \'\'I
love you\'\'
or whatever serious couples told each other.

As a result, I remained a chaste princess while my prince caroused and
sowed wild oats, but still had the energy to monitor my movements I
didn\'t
mind. After all, I was so sure we\'d end up together. I always thought
that in
the end, it would be us. I loved him. I managed to convince myself that
he
loved me (what else could it be?). Little did I know that love doesn\'t
conquer all,
it only conquers the weak.

I didn\'t think he\'d be so stupid as to get a girl pregnant on the
same night
they met at a party. I didn\'t think he\'d be so stupid as to forget to
use
some form of contraception. After all, he had given me a lecture on
safe sex.
And I didn\'t think he\'d be so stupid as to marry the girl. But maybe
I forgot
that after all he was a man, and men have been known to be stupid about
these
things. Their brain is located in a region other than between the ears.

What could I do? Kicking him in the groin and punching him in the eye
seemed like a good idea then. Don\'t blame me; he was the one who
enrolled me in a
self- defense course. But I did not feel better. Seeing him bent over
in pain
only made me angrier. I wasted my life for this lousy excuse of a man?
I could
not believe it!

I wanted nothing more than to run to him and beg him to wake me up from
the
stupid dream. I wanted him to take me some place where we didn\'t know
anybody. No pain, no memory, no humiliation. I wanted to just forget it
ever
happened but since I flunked in the School for Martyrs, I couldn\'t,
for the life of
me pretend, it didn\'t happen. I couldn\'t pretend he didn\'t hurt me.

I couldn\'t pretend everything was fine and dandy and exactly the way
it was
before. We didn\'t talk for a month. For both of us who were
practically
inseparable, that was like an eternity. I ducked into corners whenever
I
would see him. I wouldn\'t take his calls. I wouldn\'t see him. And for
some time
hate was my reason for getting up in the morning, for breathing, for
living.
Hate and I became good friends.

\'\'God brings men into deep waters, not to drown them but to cleanse
them,\'\' somebody once wrote. I didn\'t want to be cleansed. I just
wanted to drown
in pain and misery and utter desolation. I wanted to wallow in the dark
and
deep pit of despair. I know a thousand and one cliches that say this
can be a
blessing and that I should be thankful. But thankful is the last thing
I\'m
feeling right now. I\'ve always thought that there are three kinds of
women:
those who break, those who mend and those who are broken themselves.
Before this hit me, I assumed that I belonged to the first or second
category. Now I know I\'m in the third--so hurt and broken up inside.
My grandmother
used to say that there is nothing you can do about pain when it gives
you a
silly grin except grin right back. All I could manage was a wry smile,
a killer
headache and the worst hangover the day before his wedding. Evidence of
that is the disgusting sight of mashed potatoes and barbecue, thrown up
not three
meters away from where I was lying prostrate on the floor and the awful
stench of cigarette on my hair. Frankly I don\'t want to go.

I want to wallow in misery in my messy room, crying, retching and
stinking,
surrounded with Michael Learns to Rock (whose songs are dedicated to
the
broken- hearted) CDs. But I have to go and attend the wedding. I have
to bathe and
prepare and put on that atrocious peach (it\'s not even my color!)
gown.

I\'m not doing it for the groom, my one true friend and love, Oliver.
Neither am I doing it for the bride, my younger sister, Sandra who
needs me. I\'m
doing it for my unborn niece who has the great fortune of having me as
her aunt.
Call me stupid, but I\'ve always known my place. If it isn\'t beside
the man I was
destined to marry, if it isn\'t behind my sister, who will take his
name,
wear his ring and bear him a child, then it must be with my niece,
cradled close
to my heart so that she will know both of our love.

sometimes i hate myself for falling

I can't believe how stupid I am...I've fallen for a total creep again. Why am I always attracted to a bad guy, a chick boy for that matter? And I have to come around fast enough to forget it ever happened...

In one of our chat sessions in the office he said I might have a problem with conversation...This moment in time, I would probably nod my head on Toto's comments on me being boring because I'm such a goody two shoes.

But then on second thought, is this time too late to consider being stubborn on things like this...Should I still say "heck, if you wont like me for who I am then its your loss?" or should I reconsider a make-over?

I love being in Manila, but then with family problems, love problems, pressure from work because of the onset of competition and self-doubt due to people who also want to put me down, I would sometimes want to hide out in a quiet place and just cry.

as per my favorite philosopher: Maje, SILENCE IS OVER-RATED!

I need someone, I want someone to be with me on these times...to just be there, sit quietly and listen to me sob myself to sleep...

I COULD USE A HUG RIGHT NOW!

cebu blues...

sitting here in Legend Villas lobby just to get myself online for a bit. I'm doing fine here in Manila. Although the homesickness is slowly kicking in especially with different emotional struggle. but so far im looking forward to a career in Accenture... This will be a bit short since there's a couple of people in line to check their emails and friendster since its restricted in the office.

guyz, email me thru vanelin_labay@yahoo.com...it would be nice to hear from you...

I'll be seeing you later!

I cried last night...As far as I could remember, that was the worst cry I did...And you know why I cried? Because I'll be missing a lot of people: my papa, mama, my brother...my friends, events, things and that certain person.

I cried because I realized up to know he doesn't know that I AM JUST HERE. I always have. He still couldn't see that. And my mind keeps on saying to forget him but my heart stubbornly does otherwise.

I cried because in spite of me taking a stand and fulfilling my dreams, I had to sacrifice a lot.

I cried because of this heavy feeling inside my heart that I can't understand, nor can be explained in context.

But even so, I packed my bags, struggled a whole lot with my luggage since unlike my close friend MAIA, I am not a light packer. Included several books and got a bit worried since I think if I had spare money I'd do a little shopping in Manila. Where the heck will I place them? Everybody's going to bed now since we'll be leaving the house pretty early, around 4am. Our flight's at 6:40am!

So to all those who avidly read my blog, I'll try my best to blog my Manila escapade..

From IPAY, MAIA and my bestfriend IVY: Hopefully I'll find my prince charming daw in Manila...hahaha...

So guys, as per my long time friend Mark aka Kelem, no good byes...JUST SEE YOU LATER!

unexpected news...

Just got back last Monday from our Tacloban trip together with my brother. My back still hurts because of the sunburn. I tried to do a follow up with Accenture since my mom keeps on bugging me to either do a follow up for a start date or look for another job. So I did both. Met up with Soekarno yesterday to give him my application for LEAR. Called Gillamac this morning to verify if they've already sent the result for the medical exam to Accenture. I wasn't able to contact HR Dept of Accenture so I just sent them an email and got a response that those who resigned will be starting on the 23rd of April. Then I sent an email back to verify if I'm included on the list of people who'll be leaving Cebu prior to the 23rd start date...

And then the HR recruiter called up and said that we'll be starting on the 16th and will be leaving Cebu on the 15th which by way is already this Sunday.

Things hadn't sinked in yet till now that I'll be leaving a lot behind...Most especially my family. My father didn't talk at all knowing that I'll be leaving soon. The loneliness and fear are all here now. I thought it would be easy but believe me its not. Makes me want to cry and back out. But I have to do this if I want to build a career. If I'll stay in Cebu I'll end up still working in a call center. Its not that there's something wrong with working as a call center agent its just that I wanted to really pursue a career. This is just a stepping stone I guess and after 2 years of training and experience, either I will come back to Cebu and pursue my career as a software developer, take my masters or law or work in another country. Ahh lots of plans and dreams... I hope someday I'll make it through.

I asked for this, I prayed night and day for this to happen. Why am I having second thoughts now?

Which Tori Amos song am I?

Which Tori Amos song are you? Yes, Anastasia Aren't you just the complicated enigma with some very dark secrets?

Click Here to Take This Quiz Brought to you by YouThink.com quizzes and personality tests.

i feel empty

That's what Merideth said in her bathroom talking to Christina when she learned that Derick's wife is in town, let alone working also in the same hospital they were working as interns. I know I watch too much of Grey's Anatomy but I can't help it. I feel like I have to know what's gonna happen next. I don't actually relate to the character's situation but I can surely relate to how they feel.

NOw why in the world do I feel empty?

For one it just occured to me that it has been a month since I quit my job for a more promising career in Accenture, or so I believe. But up to know I still don't have a start date. And because of my total freak out over this and over the million people who kept asking me when I'm going to Manila, I decided to apply for a job here in Cebu. Imagine my dilemma when I called our recruiter in Accenture and confirmed that I am still on this and that they're processing my papers now. As per the recruiter: "Maghintay hintay lang po tayo kase priniprocess pa po namin ang application ninyo...Huwag lang po tayo mainip!" Well I can't blame me for being anxious not having heard from them in weeks after mailing the contract and requirements. I wasn't expecting a phone call but an email could have erased any doubt from my mind that I do have a job in Accenture.---- to make things simpler ---- I AM STILL JOBLESS!

Next reason why I feel empty is that it seems that I have lost that lovely feeling... I don't want to say it out loud because the last time I did that I fell harder than before, ended up eating my own vomit~ imagine that~. I'm trying to assess whether the feeling is still there or not. And what's funny and creepy is that he didn't just appear when I was already in 5th year but he was there since I entered college. I just didn't acknowledge his presence. As I was reading my diary to those times I've already forgotten, a lot of things hit me. There were a lot of could-have-beens but I was such a coward to admit that my dear friend has indeed fallen for me. The moment I realized that I ran away, drift off to another dimension of friends. When I got back to earth, they were still there but once again, that lovely feeling they had for me was gone, gone with the wind! Maybe the next time somebody asks me why I don't have a boyfriend yet I would admit that I wasn't ready yet.

QUESTION IS:

Am I ready now?

nota bene...

to be able to read the continuation of what I like or is looking for in a guy please refer to my FEBRUARY 3 post... I just edited it now...unfortunately it was saved on that day...so...

I can feel the summer heat...

I'm trying to look for another template for my blogspot. I know shame on me, I keep on saying that I will practice Dreamweaver but up to now, I still don't have my own design for my blogspot. Uhh...As what I've told Doyle last night, I'm not an artist by nature. Don't get me wrong, I love art and I know how to appreciate one and got some taste into it but unfortunately for me, nature doesn't connive to my love for art. It didn't give me the skills to create art. But I'll try my very best now that I don't have a job except for doing the habitual house hold chores.


My mom loves me around. She keeps giving me this listed tasks to accomplish in a day... And I do have a list of task from our former or shall I say current (because we won't probably change anymore) president: Fame. We're trying to finish our yearbook and since most of them have day jobs, I do most of the editing. Shockingly enough, I learned a lot from the profiles and descriptions that my other batch mates gave to each other. Pretty cool way of knowing who he/she really is. I'm quite glad I volunteered as yearbook committee although, as secretary for the last school year we had, it was actually one of my obligations. Talk about me still active in this kind of stuff where I have long graduated from college. Its almost a year now. If I remember correctly we graduated on March 25, 2006!

And so I reminisce...



The weather is intolerable. Its getting quite hot that sometimes I'd like to imagine myself in a beach somewhere, holding a can of ice cold soda while dipping myself in a nice jacuzzi. Ahh daydreaming again...

We're planning on going to Bantayan to celebrate Ian and Karl's birthday as well as reunite with the rest of the ball manipulators. I miss hanging out with them. Cathy would hopefully be in Cebu by then. Louise is already having some preliminary plans but we have to think this through because for one, we don't know the place...

and so I reminisce some more...


This was taken when we were in Moalboal...such a nice beach...I'm currently listening to UPDHARMADOWN and let me just say, I love their music. Its cool, relaxing and yet thought provoking. Thanks to this site: mackymarc
I have the entire album...you should check it out and listen to their tunes...


And finally, my last project is to choreograph a dance...wish me luck!

Later dudes and dudettes...

Goodbye Lauren, Welcome back Vanessa

I'm here in one of the cafe's near our house trying to get a hold of the list of my contributions for SSS but unfortunately their website: www.sss.gov.ph is not accessible so it would mean I'll have to try again tomorrow.

I finally resigned from my job... I'm not a call center agent anymore, thank God! I've had enough of phones, answering phones, getting pushed around by people I don't know and I can't even see. They seem to be pretty impressed that I can speak straight english considering I'm not in the states and I'm not American...

Well I'm trying to finish all the requirements for Accenture. I guess my career path is really in Manila, not in Cebu. After my second interview in EPSON, I didn't hear from them again. I was kinda hoping I won't get in...It seems scary to be deployed for a huge project involving embedded systems design and not being prepared. My review for C and the rest of what I was trying to accomplish like Flash and Php are put on hold since my computer's dead again. This time its the processor. This happened right after my brother installed iTunes! I tried to troubleshoot it myself but then my computer really died! :( I was even mortified when they told me that its the processor and that I had to change both my motherboard and my processor because Pentium 4 is already faced out! Fortunately I found a store still selling Pentium 4 processors. There's still life for my pc after all...

I'm back to my old self and better than ever. I'm ready to face another challenge in my life. I just felt sad leaving behind friends in CallTek. I have my batchmates, even if we were sent to different accounts but when we get together, we still have fun! My old team with Kate as my TL, my new team with Shine as my TL, not to mention my supervisor who was also my mentor and confidante, my friends from GTC and the breakfast club. I would really miss those crazy horror talks we have every morning over breakfast. But I'm also thankful that I'll be back to my old sleeping hours, I'll be able to see more of my family, well before I go to Manila that is...

And finally I'll be able to blog again. It has been so busy at the office lately that even if we have unlimited internet access, I can't write/type anything due to calls flooding in. And the last days of my stay there, they gave me a buddy to monitor and teach.

Well updates would have to end here because I don't want to spend too much on internet here at a cafe considering we are going to have broadband at home(finally!) as soon as my computers back!

so then people, welcome Vanessa back cause you'll be hearing much from her from now on!

chow!

Horoscope for the day!

Dear Vanessa Linda,
Here is your horoscope
for Monday, February 5:

If you're genuinely interested in someone, go with it. After all, what's more charming than your fascination with them? Nothing, that's what. Any information you share now will further strengthen your bond.


Would it still strengthen our bond if I'll be leaving soon?

continuation to the guy thing!

Okay since I have pretty much defined mostly the physical aspect of my "ideal guy" let me try to point out some things I like in a guy on a peronality aspect.

• someone who has a good sense of humor.
• someone who I can easily talk to, that I'm comfortable with even if I would be trapped in an elevator with him for 24 hours, I would still feel safe.
• someone who can be trusted with my secrets
• someone who's responsible enough to think of his own future
• someone who's mysterious enough to be quite interesting.
• he should be interested in one of the following: music, movies and arts for us to click
• someone who will be proud of who he is but would be humble enough not to talk too much about it.
• someone who would give up what he's doing just to listen to my ranting.
• someone who would talk and I'd listen and would also listen if I talk.
  
• someone who is passionate in what he's doing
• someone who has compassion for the poor and oppressed
• someone who goes to Church at least on Sundays
• someone who has strong faith in God

so far those are the things that crossed my mind without focusing on a guy in my past whom I liked or the guy that I liked now. I know it would seem kinda biased if most of these descriptions pertain to the person I liked now. Maybe there is a pattern to all this likeness. A pattern I need to break for me to be able to "Find my one true love"...

please do not be fooled by the picture of Milo Ventimiglia on this post. I just liked his face and his character on Gilmore Girls but then he ended up being such a coward to really say what he feels to Rory up until the moment it was too late.

he has a pretty good role in Heroes though...better watch out for that.

to simply put it, I'm kinda into guys who are not so goody-goody...I have that image and that reputation...Our relationship would be such a bore if we're all too good...right?