P A S K O

As part of the Christmas tradition/obligation, we attended mass yesterday at Sto. Rosario church. I applaud the priest for giving out a great humorous and straight to the point sermon. Of all the masses I have attended, never have I learned so much and laughed so much at the same time. The priest -unfortunately forgot his name- talked about the true meaning of PASKO, a word which means Christmas in our native tongue. Here's a quick summary of his sermon.

P - Pasudla si Cristo - Let Christ enter. For me it means letting Christ's love spread to ever inch of you that you will be able to muster up the courage to forgive, let go of old grudges, forget debts or perhaps delay payment, erase all the hurt and pain you felt towards another person or because of another person. It's easier said than done, I know, but we can at least try if we do believe that Christ is the ultimate savior and He died for us for one reason and one reason alone: LOVE!

A - Atras Bisyo - Step back on the vices. What are these vices we need to eliminate?

B - Babae -- for guys, stop adultery, could be for girls as well...
I - Inom -- alcoholism
S - Sugal -- gambling
YO - Yosi -- smoking

-- while listening to the priest I can't help but look to my left and witness my father's reaction. He has two of the aforementioned vices and I'm not quite sure if he's taking the priest's sermon seriously or he's just letting it pass his other ear. The priest said that its hard to stop right away, to those who drink that they might do it in moderation because too much of everything is dangerous and bad. I do agree 100%. And he went on about smoking and lung cancer. I just wish my father would be touched by his words, its not mine anymore but the priests and somehow, priests are extension of God's voice. I hope he listens this time.

S - Simba - Go to Church. Don't just go to church and sleep, or talk/backbite, or text every now and then. Go to church and listen to what God has to say about your prayers. Most Catholics who go to church have something to ask from God and most of the time they expect answers. But somehow it doesn't work that way. You have to listen very carefully within your heart because sometimes its only through yourself that God gives his answers.

K - Katag ang maayong buhat - Spread your good deeds. Very self explanatory but very hard to do. Just be a good example. Do what you think may not just be for your own good but also for the good of others around you.

O - Ora mismo - Right now! - Do all of these right now. Don't wait for tomorrow to start changing/doing what you have to do. Tomorrow may not come at all.
Hey I'm no saint, I might be struck by one of the latter points but I have so much love in me I'm willing to give it a try and you should too...

Maayong Pasko kaninyong tanan!

Merry Christmas to all...

I had my fair share of holiday rush yesterday. I was with my brother and all along I thought it would be easy since I already have items in mind. But then what would you do if those items are not available anymore? Panic stricken, we roamed the streets of Colon till we ended up in Ayala. My budget was off the roof! But then my brother said, its okay. Christmas comes just once a year. And besides it would take me forever to find gifts that they might like but I don't like giving. Am I making sense here? Anyway, alls wrapped and ready to go...Whew!

After two weeks on not doing yoga, I had muscle aches on my shoulders again. Our final stint last Saturday was to do this Buddha pose, the one where you put your hands together as if praying but instead of putting it in the front, you do it at your back and then bend and put your head on your knee. I don't know if you can imagine it but the one secret to performing every yoga position is breathing. Didn't think I will be able to do it but with the help of our teacher, Arwina - nice name! I was able to pull it off.

I'll be on vacation leave till January 2, so I think I can blog more.

By the way, this is the pic I submitted for my profile. They weren't able to guess who I portrayed, if they paid attention to the middle name, they'd know it was me: NATASHA LOREIN AMOS HAWLEY...Tori Amos' daughter...Got the pic in Deviant though

updates:
-busy-needs rest-contented-kilig-fulfilled-happy-

Merry Christmas to all...

Paris Death and YOU

Pour aller à Paris et mourir!
To go to Paris and die!

PARIS -->

Should that be my dictum in life? Nah... Its just an expression our teacher in French introduced to us when we were talking about the unique jobs they have in France. Most if not all of the artists who created the most extraordinary paintings and sculptors were either from Italy or Spain or Portugal but they lived and died in Paris. Now, the very reason why I opted to jump right in and attend the first language class Accenture offers here in Cebu is that I might one day visit Paris (pronounced as Paree without an S). I know its one of those far-fetched dream of mine but heck who knows. Who could've known that I'd be able to visit Singapore while I was still in college? I love French - J'aime le francais. But I won't die in France...Which brings me to my second topic...

Should I write about you? Or the things about you that up to now surprises me? Is it safe to say that I'm trying to find out who you really are and so far, in spite of all the weirdness you show, I'm still enjoying every moment I spend with you...No this is me not falling...

DEATH -->
We were on our way to Ayala to buy something to eat when out of the blue he asked me: Are you afraid to die VAN? For a split second I thought and then said: NO! I bet that surprised him more than it surprised me because he fell silent for a minute and then asked: Are you sure? And then I told him: I'm actually not afraid to die but I'm more afraid if one of my loved-ones die. I can't bear the pain and loss. Then he said: You are still afraid of death!

Yes I'm afraid of death but not my own.
Yes I'm afraid of death but I have long accepted that it would someday come to each one of us.
Yes I'm afraid of death but its one of the inevitable.
Yes I'm afraid of death but that fear is overcome by faith in Christ.
Yes I'm afraid of death but that fear didn't stop me from living.

It was one of the weirdest conversations we had. And believe it or not I enjoyed it. With him I can think and blurt out whatever I'm thinking. I don't know how he does it but I can say whatever I want and he makes me think of wonderful ideas and takes away any hesitation of not sharing my thoughts.

Then I remembered all those morbid thoughts of my death: Me walking up the steep stairs and then there's a slippery part I missed to evade, I slipped and hit my head on the stair case breaking my skull killing me instantly; or me crossing the street then out of the blue a full speed 10 wheeler truck is just a couple of meters away from me hit me straight on smashing my body out of recognition; or me lying in a hospital bed with a bandage wrapped around my head, all my hair's gone and a life support holds my life together and then my family decides to pull the plug on me. I know, very cruel, very morbid and to me, very real. Could be one of the reasons why I'm not afraid to die, I have already imagined my death. I hope you don't my sharing of the gruesome side of Vanessa...

On another note:
And lastly if ever you get the chance to eat out somewhere, eat at City Grill, great food and a nice band --> 12 pm.

mind, body, heart and soul

What have I been doing the past days??? Didn't get the chance to blog since first and foremost nothing knocked on my brain till now. What am I to blog about???
Got a couple of news and updates:

I just finished my second session of YOGA yesterday and it was pretty challenging. Although the techniques were well demonstrated by our teachers/instructors my body unfortunately had a hard time mimicking the moves. Had to put much effort on rolling my body upwards after the push up position. I wasn't the least bit embarrassed since if not all then most of us including the guys couldn't lift their body's and do more than 2 rolling stints. This is quite a challenge for me since I just realized I'm not that flexible as I used to be when I was dancing with the Engineering Pop Jazz Team, but that was like 2 years ago. And up to now, I'm still into dancing and believe me I want so badly to dance again. But I have to get rid of this extra weight first and condition my body. With yoga - I'll be trying to do it everyday, badminton - every Sunday and proper diet - less rice more veggies and chocolates only on weekends I'm pretty positive that I'll have great results in due time. Which brings me to my second news...

My cousin came back from Singapore where she works as a nurse in one of the hospitals near Orchard - I forgot to ask her where exactly - assigned in the ICU department. She'll be here for the next two weeks and I couldn't be any more happier to see her. She gave me the huge news yesterday. She's getting married come August 2008 and guess who's going to be her maid-of-honor: ME! I couldn't believe it! Its the first wedding I've attended since my aunt got married 10 years ago. And me being maid-of-honor was surprising and well heart-warming. And she asked me to give her a hand in planning for it since she'll still be in Singapore till well August. I'm excited for the big day but I'm even more excited since I'll be participating in the planning. She bought tons of magazines just for us to browse through...Whew!
Well the third one on the list is not exactly news since this would probably sound more of a cliche since I've been going on and on about this since the birth of this blog. But I would still go on about it most especially after watching a movie that would make me think!

The captain told me: your one true love is just right before your eyes.
- rephrased from STARDUST

Then I though to myself if my prince charming is just right around the corner then he could be just someone among my dozen guy-friends. He could be that guy across me who has shares the same views on missionary work, takes the same classes as I do, sings and dances for God and has great faith in Him and by far the only one who calls me by my real nick name? Or that guy whom I thought I fell in love with, who plays awesome music with his hands and sings like there's no tomorrow - the ultimate artist? Or that guy whom I experienced most of my romantic days or so I thought, who's the complete opposite of me and who used to make me feel special.? Or is someone outside my circle, someone I'm yet to meet, not from Cebu or Manila, someone who's not from the solutions workforce, someone who doesn't belong to the industry? And you know what, not having to meet him yet makes it even more interesting, makes it more exciting. And if he does exist among my previous and current group of friends, I'm pretty sure that something wonderful will happen in God's chosen time. I do trust Him you know, and I've already given Him my heart for safe keeping. Its up to Him now to give it to somebody deserving, somebody who needs love and would most likely to reciprocate the love given!

What does a star do? Shine!
But for it to shine, it must mend
its broken heart!

mind, body, heart and sould

Chinese Proverbs...

The tortoise said that it always travels with its musical instrument in case it meets other musicians.

Stressing a state of maintaining a state of preparedness.

Tell a child to wash his body, he washes his stomach.

This is a sign of immaturity.

If the yam used in sacrifice does not die prematurely, it will eventually germinate.

Things will eventually improve despite the present difficulties.

Knock a valiant man on the ground and the shouts will be tremendous.

The downfall of a famous man attracts public attention.

Kill a warrior during skirmishes at home, you will remember him when fighting enemies.

Don't destroy your leaders.

Teasers Galore!!!

Here are some photos I edited for our fund raising...

The first one is for the first week. The one below is for the week that followed. The one that Doyle commented on is the 2nd one.


Unfortunately both didn't make the cut since they didn't comply with Accenture's standards. But I had fun doing them and learned some tricks a long the way. Appreciated LAYERS more now that I understand how we could manipulate the tools in Photoshop. By the way I used CS 2 for this. But you have to make sure that your memory is more than 512MB to be able to work around CS 2 without having to wait for your mouse pointer to move!

we give in sometimes

I had this office mate. She's pretty but stern looking. Every time I look at her and try to smile, I have second thoughts because there's no hint of smile on her face. She's not that friendly, well not as I hoped she would be. She's the only one in her batch I haven't said hi to. But then, her birthday came. Days before that I added most of their batch mates's YM's to my list. And so on her birthday I sent her a message crossing my fingers that she'd reply... And she did!On the way to Mylet's cube to get my lunch I dropped by her cube and said my greetings. Since then, I can officially say she's one of my acquaintance. I thought I would never get the chance to talk to her. I thought I would probably have this feeling of loathing when she's around. But its gone now...We do give in sometimes....

I finally decide to get out of the way. Its hard coz he's always around and people talk. One thing I've learned so far is not to be too trusting. Doyle and I admitted to ourselves that we have lots of acquaintances but not too many true friends. We can never tell who'll stick around to pick up the pieces when you're all down and broken. Weeks before I was stuck with the matter of friendship versus my pride. Friendship versus my feelings. Friendship versus self worth. Heck, he should have treated me differently. I am supposed to be different. I am supposed to be conservative. But I gave in to the idea of me breaking free of my old self. I listened to my cousin's voice: let loose, you're too frigid. And look what it got me. Funny how we often do stupid things before we learn. I gave in, got hurt and bounced back. I need to bounce back, I only have once choice...MOVE FORWARD!

As always, in an environment which is so conducive to change I try to blend in. I coexist. That's they only way to survive the wild jungle. But unlike the call center I worked before, people don't move out that often. And they come in most of the time. We're growing in number and we move a lot depending on the project. And now that I'm moving out of my current project yet to be welcomed in another, I'm filled with excitement. I'm kinda looking forward to it. You should have seen me a month ago. Too hesitant to be transferred, very scared of change. But now, I'm glad they've given me the break. Its up to me now to prove my worth. Wish me luck!





word's from the wise:

Sometimes, you just have to try not to care no matter how much you do.
Because sometimes you mean nothing to someone who means so much to you.
Its not pride, its called self-respect.

Busy week, such a busy week

I couldn't complain anymore. Got lots of task this week that I thought my life was a whirlwind. We had to design a postcard for a fund raising event. I never thought I could actually put my artistic side to good use. I had to pull out my flash tutorial from one of my hidden folders and tried to review it but then we ended up doing just a simple design in JPEG. We can't think of ways to embed flash to our emails since we need to email it to the entire Accenture population in the Philippines. Anyways, on top of that I was already given work from my boss in Manila. We had to do teleconferencing everyday just to discuss the task. My "tagalog" was polished to the brim. I'm unfortunately not too fluent with our national language. It's not that I hate it, its just that I get my tongue twisted most of the time. I also had to organize a give away present to two colleagues from our team who were going back to Manila. Whew. Emails left and right. YM's and AIM's here and there. Lots of questions which need answers. All I could think of was to shout: S T O P!!! Please...let me breathe for a second...My team mates from Creative club, my batch mates who have love problems, my TL!!! But then again, who am I to complain? I kinda wanted this, busy life! I wanted to be preoccupied all the time. So that I won't think of words such as LONELY, SAD, DISAPPOINTED, GONE, LOST and HEARTBROKEN. When Friday finally came, I ended up sleeping the day off. So much for that...

LESSONS LEARNED:

If you want to speak make sure that what you're going to say is true, necessary and kind.

Avoid talking about your love life and most importantly, don't ever preach about your sex life to just anybody!

You can only give as much as what you have.

Hanazakari no Kimitachi e...

You might be wondering why I haven't been blogging lately. For one, been busy with work; with the non-deliverables that is. Recently joined one of the demo meetings of Silver and White Toastmaster's Club. I still don't have that much load at work so I decided to join. Maia told me to do things on my own, which meant me being involved with activities without having my close friends tag along. She told me to do things which would eventually let me meet other people outside my circle. And its great, being out of my comfort zone. It was such a wonderful experience for me so I decided to join which meant more meetings...

Secondly, been having some badminton sessions every Tuesdays and Thursdays with my officemates. I'm still a neophyte at the game but at least I get to have a dose of exercise twice a week.

Thirdly, every time I get home I feel so tired and sleepy that I don't want to turn on the computer anymore. I just get to check things at the office but my eyes retire right away as soon as I step out. Been to an eye doctor lately. There's actually a difference between an Ophthalmologist and Optometrists. Ophthalmologists are trained and licensed to perform surgery and prescribe ocular, oral and systemic medicines. While the Optometrists on the other hand are not doctors but only received 4-5 years education on vision science, eye health and optometry-related areas.

Having this unveiling serious issue with my eyes, I decided to visit Dr. Yong Larrazabal's clinic in Cebu Doctor's University Hospital. I even met up with Dr. Yong face to face. He told me my eyes currently have allergies. I think it was because of what happened last Sunday. I was wearing my contact lenses with make-up on. Put on some mascara. And because I kept on laughing with tears in my eyes, some of the mascara dripped towards my eyes. I had to take off my contact lenses because it stung like hell. The optometrist who took preliminary examinations of my eye told me that while working, which entails me facing the computer more than 8 hours a day, its not advisable for me to be wearing my contact lenses since unfortunately I have dry eyes. She advised me to put on some eye drops to relieve the dry eyes. Dr. Yong prescribed me some eye drops and some eye vitamins. I'm off the contact lenses for now and I also had to have the lenses of my glasses changed. It turned out I have 300 myopic 75 astigmatism on my right eye and 300 myopic 25 astigmatism on my left eye. Its kinda alarming that my grade kept on increasing. Dr. Yong also suggested the Lasik surgery but then I still can't afford it for now that would have to be put off till later.

I recently finished the last episode of Hana Kimi Japan. Its a Japanese series which is full of funny scenes and heart-warming conversations. Even if you're not fond of Japanese series, might as well watch this because it has some moving learnings along with its intelligent humor.

I'm looking forward to my French class and my Yoga class...

So, Hanazakari no Kimitachi e. By the time we'll meet again, I'll still be here for you in full bloom! =)

How's Me?

Today my heart got crumpled again. Didn't choose to, didn't want to but due to those unexpected comments from friends - I know He means well - those happy pictures and a mis sent message makes the feeling come back and replicate into a thousand needles. Watched an episode of Grey's Anatomy and once again, Merideth's last line kinda stuck to my mind:

in the matter of knowing what you want,
those who doesn't know what they want
suffers the most.

I'm pretty positive I know what I want right now but why do I still suffer? I want to let go and move on. I am happy where I am now, I just wish I wouldn't get affected that easily. Well I would choose not to. Its all a matter of choice right?

So how's ME, you ask? Today, I'm hanging by a moment!

Take a quick peek...

Ok check out the slideshow I made for my friendster account. While watching the slide show, my mom took a peek. Then she said: "See van, your life is not boring! You have lots of things going on basing from those pictures!" Heck, yeah my life ain't boring. Its actually full of adventures. Here's the slide show! Enjoy!

Quote for the day!

Don't achieve to be greater than your contemporaries. Achieve to be greater than yourself!
- Criminal Minds

The Reason

I'm currently 23 years 4 months and 26 days old! I've already gotten my degree: BS Computer Engineering Major in Digital Systems Design and although my major is in hardware I have a job as an Associate Software Engineer in one of the leading consulting and outsourcing companies in the world. And I owe all of this to a whole lot of people. If it weren't for them, their sacrifices, their guidance, their time and effort, I would have been just another bum holding the remote control and I'd probably be fatter than I am now! (get the picture?)... So then it hit me, the very reason why I strive to reach my goals is basically for my family. They are center of every goal, every objective, every success...

When I was a child I wanted to be the president of the Philippines and I ended up being president of our first grade class. Tough job for a seven year old but I kinda got the hang of things so I ended up being public servant for the rest of the years I was in school. They say, most of those who enter politics joined because of the power. I say they're wrong. When I was an officer in class, it wasn't power that was given to me but a huge responsibility. And the way I see it, I was active in school because I love to serve. I love to organize events to bring people together, be involve in planning activities that would improve and develop people. I love working in the background and contributing whatever talent, skills and ideas I have in putting things in order and making events a big success. I had my fair share of ups and downs but never was I discouraged by rumors, critics and insults. I thought, heck they're just ingrates who weren't so damn blessed with the opportunity to serve.

And now I think I need to serve not just the community but most importantly the family who raised me to become the person I am now. They were the reason then and they're still my reason now. Its because of them that I am aiming to achieve a high position in Accenture. And serving my family would mean giving something back to the world. I owe them more than what I can probably give but then again as long as they're happy and at peace with the world, I am more than ecstatic.

new look, new life?

Got myself a haircut. My hair was too long for a wash and wear manage! Anyways here's my new look. This picture is taken at Kul's Kitchen when I had dinner with my friends from elementary.


It was taken using Karen's phone. So who were there and what do they do after 10 years (didn't realize it had been 10 years since I graduated from my elementary education in USC South Grade School).

In order of arrival:

Me - software engineer, Accenture
Mark Jusef Julio aka July - developer from Alliance loaned to Epson temporarily
April Victoria Pino aka Toriang- Med Rep
Karen Melody Migriño aka Karen - unemployed, reviewing for Accountancy Board Exam
Gizelle Faye Sembrano aka Ipay - Team Lead, Vonage Etelecare
Christy Surigao aka Christy - Nurse, Chong Hua Hospital
Emmanuel Delfino aka Eman - software engineer, Accenture
Manuel Baricuatro aka Junkoy - developer, Epson
Ma. Karla Bautista aka Kai - model, (don't know which agency)

We had coffee first at Mocha Blends then had dinner at Kul's. I couldn't get enough food! The day before I had dinner with Maia, Ipay, Edu and Rhea (college friends). Had my first taste of Persian Palate. It was really yummy!

Anyway, with regards to my title it doesn't actually come along that even if I had my hair cut short I should change who I am to people. I am still me, no matter how I look! Even if I miraculously lose 10 lbs. in 3 months time and probably look sexier (I wish!) I'd still love to help people, still want to keep my privacy, still want to hang out with friends and talk about Music, arts, movies and old classmates from elementary.

By the way, thanks for all those who read my blog and those who took time to post their thoughts on my chatterbox. A reader who doesn't want her/his/its identity to be known sent me an email.

Here goes:

Hey van,
Lets ask you then… Do you think close friends are still close friends when you’re intimate and hold hands? If you say yes, then yes it can be but honestly deep inside ur wishing it could be more than that…. Its your say on continuing to hold hands or intimate because “guys” in general just take advantage we wouldn’t know if they like it or not. They may take advantage, they might also wish the same thing that it could be more or they just don’t want to hurt the girls feelings. To Summarize all its all up to the girl. Can she handle bering intimate knowing that the guy may just be her good friend (at least she was able to take advantage of him)? Dba at least na enjoy nimu ang holding hands. Or is she just being intimate hoping nga something could happen?
Some are lucky that the guy they are falling for realizes. Some are not. Weigh it. If the guy is torpe then maybe time to give him a wake up call if the guy is not torpe then chances are he’s just passing time.

Upon reading this, it got me thinking. Maybe the intimacy is welcomed. Its always nice to have someone hold your hand just to let you know that they're just around the corner if you need them. Its nice to know that there's somebody who's willing to set aside whatever it is they're doing just to listen to you rant or listen to you praise all that had happened in your day. But then for me, its crossing the boundary of "just being close friends" and that certain "something else"!

And then another thought, probably way far from the topic at hand, hit me. I remembered Doyle telling me not to put color/meaning into what people especially guys do. Just wait till they guy blurts out the real deal. But lately it seems that even words are not to be taken seriously, well not all people but when it comes to guys I mean. They may say that they missed you and then mean something else. Ahhh! Why can't they just make up their minds. There are basically 2 choices here:

You like me. OR
You don't like me.

So I'd just probably stay away from guys. Period. End of story! hehehe...

Ranting of the Uplifted

I know to those people who have known me for years, who have heard every story of how I fall in and out of love?, or even listen to all my insane stories of that certain person who once again should not and forever be mentioned, would probably raise their eyebrows saying "Sure ka Van?" or would say "Sus, here you go again!" Well peeps, lets give ME time to forget, to move on, to probably find another form of DISTRACTION. It would be hard since we're unfortunately in the same circle but if there's a will, there should be a way!

Got several questions I'd like you to help me ponder on:

*Since when does being close friends involve holding hands or being intimate?
*How can you tell if a person is flirting or just teasing? Is there a difference? - just tag your answers or send me an email!

FED UP
I'm kinda fed up with people making stories/gossip of what they see or thought they saw. I was never comfortable being the one in the limelight. But heck this thing in the office has got to end. Maybe I'm the one to blame, I let things get too complicated. *But would I be too harsh to tell that certain person whose supposedly "linked" to me to stop fooling around or to stay away? I have asked my friend Mylet about this and she said not to do anything. Just to let things be. I'm not the kind of person who sits around waiting for things to happen. Should I just go with the flow? If I react then I'm too defensive, if I won't it means its true! DAMN!

UPLIFTED!!!

I just realized and felt the real uplifting of the soul after attending mass this evening. I have been so bothered lately I forgot that God is there and that I should just surrender. It feels good, like a thorn has been taken out from me. Lately I've been praying for God to take my heart and give it to someone who needs to be loved, someone who would take care of it and love it back. So far, I think God is still healing it in his hands.

IDEAL GUY!
I found my ideal guy in one of my recent acquaintances. I don't actually have a crush on the person but I just know that if there's somebody I could fall in love with, I'd probably fall head over heels for someone like him! He' s so nice and funny. I've always appreciated guys with good sense of humor. They take my blues away, HE takes my blues away!

JESSICA ZAFRA: TWISTED!

Been reading her articles lately. She actually has a website where she blogs too... Thank God! It keeps me from being bored to death without nothing much to do in the office but read computer based trainings... Hey I'm not complaining here but I'm not used to being absolutely idle both mind and body! ARRRGGGG... I read her 7th compilation of twisted before. It sent me laughing till there were tears in my eyes. I love her craft! I'll add her as link to my site soon!


what else... hmmm... I'm kinda excited for our year end party...shhh.... a Manila band will be performing and I know which one! ahahahah... Till then! Gotta hit the sack!

i should not talk to my friends about him...

Chatted with my friend Karen and she made me realize that its wrong to talk about how I feel for AKBS with her and the rest of my friends since he's also their friend. It would probably be unfair for him if we were talking about him with out him knowing...So I think I should shut up about it...

Then again how on earth would I vent out all these feelings and thoughts if I can't even speak about it? But who said I can't write about it....hehehe....

Maybe I should let this go...Once again its a choice between letting it go, meaning forget about the feeling, him, nice memories, of hoping that someday, just maybe someday, he'd realize that I was the one to fill the void he'd been feeling all these years...OR to continue hoping keeping all these feelings to myself praying that it might not fill me up and let me burst.

From now on, I will not speak of him. I will not make an effort in contacting him. I will not let my friends talk me into calling him to be in a dinner we planned. I will not include him in my plans. If I could perhaps find a way to bail in our planned activities I will. I will try my best to avoid connecting the songs that I'm listening to him. I will avoid eating pizza and kublai. I will try to think of somebody else before I go to sleep. I'll try to think of somebody else when I watch a good movie. I will try to think of somebody else while riding the jeepney home. I will not text him or even forward a message to him. I won't erase his number in my phone but I will skip pressing the number 5 twice.

Its a far fetched plan since my life is intertwined with his in most aspects but then I chose to let it go and I should at least try...right?

I told Karen our lives somewhat depicts that of a "telenobela", its full of drama! I never thought I'd live this way... This is probably way out of my league...

I'm supposed to write about something else except this but something triggered the impulse so I had to write it before it slips out of my mind...

Chow!

and so it is...

I saw him again and the same ol friendship is back. Actually it was just on vacation...We were on vacation from seeing each other. And I'm glad this thing(friendship) between us didn't change. He didn't feel awkward nor did I. At first I confused myself with thinking that the feeling was still there. But then after 20 minutes of walking in the streets of Aznar, I fathom that my feelings were merely that of a sister to a brother. A kind of love that was too strong to diminish over time and distance. I'll still be here for him and as much as possible still include him in my list of interesting people to share with my adventures.

I'm going to take back what I said. GUYS are not PIGs... Well not all that is...I've got to acknowledge my guy friends who are faithful to their girlfriends: DOYLE, ALAIN, IAN, BUTCH, JHE-AR and EDU... They're good guys...and good guys can't be STOLEN!

To the girlfriends of these guys: God blesses your relationship with love and understanding. You are lucky and so be grateful not just for having boyfriends who are blessings but for merely finding love that's true. I'll be praying for you guys and I'll also be praying for those who got their heart's broken. That they might not turn their backs on the world and become cynics! Ahh this is what it takes to be a romantic... You carry the weight of the pain of people who confide on you and you also share in the joys of those people who are in love!

When will I have my turn?


Picture is courtesy of Kelem! My old friend...we go way back elementary days when he plays guitar just to make me jealous! hahaha...

F r a g m e n t e D thoughts: On L O V E

When love beckons to you, follow him,
Though his ways are hard and steep.
And when his wings enfold you yield to him,
Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you.
And when he speaks to you believe in him,
Though his voice may shatter your dreams as the north wind lays waste the garden.
For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you.
Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning.
All these things shall love do unto you
that you may know the secrets of your heart,
and in that knowledge become a fragment of Life's heart.
But if in your fear you would seek only
love's peace and love's pleasure,
Then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of love's threshing floor,
Into the seasonless world where you
shall laugh, but not all of your laughter,
and weep, but not all of your tears.
Love gives naught but itself and takes naught but from itself,
Love possesses not nor would it be possessed:
For love is sufficient unto love.
When you love you should not say,
"God is in my heart," but rather,
"I am in the heart of God."
And think not you can direct the course of love, for love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
Love has no other desire but to fulfil itself.
But if you love and must needs have desires, let these be your desires:
To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night.
To know the pain of too much tenderness.
To be wounded by your own understanding of love;
And to bleed willingly and joyfully.
To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving;
To rest at the noon hour and meditate love's ecstasy; to return home at eventide with gratitude;
And then to sleep with a prayer for the beloved in your heart and a song of praise upon your lips.

--- Khalil Gibran.

Fragmented thoughts: Friday I’m supposed to be in love!

I was supposed to blog last Friday night but my tired body and confused mind gave in to sleep and so I put it off till yesterday but then internet connection was down so this is so late but anyways.

So what exactly happened last Friday?

Morning Inspiration:

One of our CEO flew all the way from London for our office’s inauguration and most if not all of our senior executives were present the whole day. We had a townhall meeting at Marriott and for me it was more than a Q and A. It was the jumpstart of a good career in Accenture. It was a signal fire that opened my eyes to a whole lot of different opportunities. All of the senior executives admitted to having to go through being a programmer paving their way to achieving their position now. And the only common advice they gave us was:

*If you plan your career, do it in such a way that you think of long term goals.
*Stay in the company and you will achieve this.
*Have a positive attitude towards things and do your job well. You are empowered to do the best that you can because each good thing that you do will be noticed and will surely be rewarded!

These advices are quite broad in nature but it can be done. I am inspired to do great things by people who don’t even know me, by family, by friends, by enemies, by the majority of the poor Filipino people and by God. Although its too early to tell but then each programmer in Accenture has the same opportunity to become a senior executive in 3-5 years time!

Afternoon ranting:
A heart got broken into pieces by the last person she thinks could break it. Its an unfortunate sad moment of my life. Nope its not my heart but my friends heart. And for what? For a girl who threw herself at guys. These are the instances that make me fear diving into a relationship. Guys are easily tempted by girls who are aggressive. I know I should not generalize things, but there goes the same chauvinist attitude of guys. Boys will be boys… I remember one of my past guy friends saying: If a corn is thrown at a rooster, won’t it take it right away? Grab the opportunity. Its not everyday that this fine lass cuddles me to my hearts delight, I don’t even need to make my move! It happens to the best of relationships and it could happen to me. My devil tells me that all guys are the same; that they would just hurt and trample upon my kindness. But my angel disagrees, saying that I should not lose hope in people. That not all guys take the bait from bitchy girls. How could these people sleep at night knowing that they have hurt somebody?

And so instead of Friday being a love day, it was full of tears and angry hearts. Can somebody please give me the reason to hope or to cling on to something to continue hoping that good exists in people, that not all guys are pigs and that there is somebody who would have the courage to stick it up till the end and commit!

How would you heal a broken heart? Would it change the person in a good way or would it turn him/her into a different type of person? --- watch out for next the post!