SHED OF LIGHT

I really don’t know if I should be relieved or I should dread even more the days to come… John answered my questions profoundly and well it did help me ease out most of my confusion on my HT. And I must admit that I do value friendship more than passion as what Gelie tagged. But the thing is Gel, I have been doing that for quite some time. Maybe that is the reason why up to now I am still single because most of my past HT became my close friends and I don’t want to go beyond friendship fearing that I might break the bond between us. My cousin Tsai told me that its about time to be honest with my self and face my demons, my true feelings that is. Its just that I’m not the type of person to risk friendship just to suffice my loneliness. Why am I experiencing this right now? *sigh* I’ve always preferred liking friends rather than falling for a complete stranger but now, it seems harder as you get to know your friend/HT more. And what’s worse is that we get along so well and we have lots of things in common. Honestly, when we hang out, I always remind myself of the big word: FRIEND. He is my friend and there is a big chance that he’ll stay that way forever. Once again, REALITY BITES!

From John’s blog:

Van, I think he (whoever your HT is) knows that you like him. Some guys love to assume that and most of the time they are confident about it lalo na if they have tested you and na-buking ka. You haven't told me who that person is, so mahirap i-analyze ang intentions nya and how his mindframe is. To be safe, so that I don't judge anyone here, my analysis is that he's not ready yet for such things. Most likely he has someone special other than you. But then again that someone could be YOU. I don't know, but it's a possibility. Maybe hindi pa naging "kayo" kasi wala pang "spark" on his side. Tinatamad lang siya siguro or maybe he knows that since you like him, you'll always be there... so parang spare tire ka na rin. You won't like that to happen.

Well John, I have accepted that maybe I’m just not his type of girl or that he only sees me as a friend. The only consolation to this is that, if he happens to notice that I like him, at least he didn’t take advantage of me liking him. It just goes to show that I have met a TRUE friend in him. As of him having someone special, well I have to investigate more on that…hehehe… As of now, the only thing that runs through his mind is his vice… What vice? Well I still can’t elaborate on that…

Anyway, guys I’m really sorry if this is boring you. I just need to get these thing out of my system because its killing me not to be able to let this emotions and confusion out. Pasensya na if it doesn’t interest you… Cge lang, I’ll think of other stuff… INTERESTING STUFF…