Ranting of the Uplifted

I know to those people who have known me for years, who have heard every story of how I fall in and out of love?, or even listen to all my insane stories of that certain person who once again should not and forever be mentioned, would probably raise their eyebrows saying "Sure ka Van?" or would say "Sus, here you go again!" Well peeps, lets give ME time to forget, to move on, to probably find another form of DISTRACTION. It would be hard since we're unfortunately in the same circle but if there's a will, there should be a way!

Got several questions I'd like you to help me ponder on:

*Since when does being close friends involve holding hands or being intimate?
*How can you tell if a person is flirting or just teasing? Is there a difference? - just tag your answers or send me an email!

FED UP
I'm kinda fed up with people making stories/gossip of what they see or thought they saw. I was never comfortable being the one in the limelight. But heck this thing in the office has got to end. Maybe I'm the one to blame, I let things get too complicated. *But would I be too harsh to tell that certain person whose supposedly "linked" to me to stop fooling around or to stay away? I have asked my friend Mylet about this and she said not to do anything. Just to let things be. I'm not the kind of person who sits around waiting for things to happen. Should I just go with the flow? If I react then I'm too defensive, if I won't it means its true! DAMN!

UPLIFTED!!!

I just realized and felt the real uplifting of the soul after attending mass this evening. I have been so bothered lately I forgot that God is there and that I should just surrender. It feels good, like a thorn has been taken out from me. Lately I've been praying for God to take my heart and give it to someone who needs to be loved, someone who would take care of it and love it back. So far, I think God is still healing it in his hands.

IDEAL GUY!
I found my ideal guy in one of my recent acquaintances. I don't actually have a crush on the person but I just know that if there's somebody I could fall in love with, I'd probably fall head over heels for someone like him! He' s so nice and funny. I've always appreciated guys with good sense of humor. They take my blues away, HE takes my blues away!

JESSICA ZAFRA: TWISTED!

Been reading her articles lately. She actually has a website where she blogs too... Thank God! It keeps me from being bored to death without nothing much to do in the office but read computer based trainings... Hey I'm not complaining here but I'm not used to being absolutely idle both mind and body! ARRRGGGG... I read her 7th compilation of twisted before. It sent me laughing till there were tears in my eyes. I love her craft! I'll add her as link to my site soon!


what else... hmmm... I'm kinda excited for our year end party...shhh.... a Manila band will be performing and I know which one! ahahahah... Till then! Gotta hit the sack!

i should not talk to my friends about him...

Chatted with my friend Karen and she made me realize that its wrong to talk about how I feel for AKBS with her and the rest of my friends since he's also their friend. It would probably be unfair for him if we were talking about him with out him knowing...So I think I should shut up about it...

Then again how on earth would I vent out all these feelings and thoughts if I can't even speak about it? But who said I can't write about it....hehehe....

Maybe I should let this go...Once again its a choice between letting it go, meaning forget about the feeling, him, nice memories, of hoping that someday, just maybe someday, he'd realize that I was the one to fill the void he'd been feeling all these years...OR to continue hoping keeping all these feelings to myself praying that it might not fill me up and let me burst.

From now on, I will not speak of him. I will not make an effort in contacting him. I will not let my friends talk me into calling him to be in a dinner we planned. I will not include him in my plans. If I could perhaps find a way to bail in our planned activities I will. I will try my best to avoid connecting the songs that I'm listening to him. I will avoid eating pizza and kublai. I will try to think of somebody else before I go to sleep. I'll try to think of somebody else when I watch a good movie. I will try to think of somebody else while riding the jeepney home. I will not text him or even forward a message to him. I won't erase his number in my phone but I will skip pressing the number 5 twice.

Its a far fetched plan since my life is intertwined with his in most aspects but then I chose to let it go and I should at least try...right?

I told Karen our lives somewhat depicts that of a "telenobela", its full of drama! I never thought I'd live this way... This is probably way out of my league...

I'm supposed to write about something else except this but something triggered the impulse so I had to write it before it slips out of my mind...

Chow!

and so it is...

I saw him again and the same ol friendship is back. Actually it was just on vacation...We were on vacation from seeing each other. And I'm glad this thing(friendship) between us didn't change. He didn't feel awkward nor did I. At first I confused myself with thinking that the feeling was still there. But then after 20 minutes of walking in the streets of Aznar, I fathom that my feelings were merely that of a sister to a brother. A kind of love that was too strong to diminish over time and distance. I'll still be here for him and as much as possible still include him in my list of interesting people to share with my adventures.

I'm going to take back what I said. GUYS are not PIGs... Well not all that is...I've got to acknowledge my guy friends who are faithful to their girlfriends: DOYLE, ALAIN, IAN, BUTCH, JHE-AR and EDU... They're good guys...and good guys can't be STOLEN!

To the girlfriends of these guys: God blesses your relationship with love and understanding. You are lucky and so be grateful not just for having boyfriends who are blessings but for merely finding love that's true. I'll be praying for you guys and I'll also be praying for those who got their heart's broken. That they might not turn their backs on the world and become cynics! Ahh this is what it takes to be a romantic... You carry the weight of the pain of people who confide on you and you also share in the joys of those people who are in love!

When will I have my turn?


Picture is courtesy of Kelem! My old friend...we go way back elementary days when he plays guitar just to make me jealous! hahaha...

F r a g m e n t e D thoughts: On L O V E

When love beckons to you, follow him,
Though his ways are hard and steep.
And when his wings enfold you yield to him,
Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you.
And when he speaks to you believe in him,
Though his voice may shatter your dreams as the north wind lays waste the garden.
For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you.
Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning.
All these things shall love do unto you
that you may know the secrets of your heart,
and in that knowledge become a fragment of Life's heart.
But if in your fear you would seek only
love's peace and love's pleasure,
Then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of love's threshing floor,
Into the seasonless world where you
shall laugh, but not all of your laughter,
and weep, but not all of your tears.
Love gives naught but itself and takes naught but from itself,
Love possesses not nor would it be possessed:
For love is sufficient unto love.
When you love you should not say,
"God is in my heart," but rather,
"I am in the heart of God."
And think not you can direct the course of love, for love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
Love has no other desire but to fulfil itself.
But if you love and must needs have desires, let these be your desires:
To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night.
To know the pain of too much tenderness.
To be wounded by your own understanding of love;
And to bleed willingly and joyfully.
To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving;
To rest at the noon hour and meditate love's ecstasy; to return home at eventide with gratitude;
And then to sleep with a prayer for the beloved in your heart and a song of praise upon your lips.

--- Khalil Gibran.

Fragmented thoughts: Friday I’m supposed to be in love!

I was supposed to blog last Friday night but my tired body and confused mind gave in to sleep and so I put it off till yesterday but then internet connection was down so this is so late but anyways.

So what exactly happened last Friday?

Morning Inspiration:

One of our CEO flew all the way from London for our office’s inauguration and most if not all of our senior executives were present the whole day. We had a townhall meeting at Marriott and for me it was more than a Q and A. It was the jumpstart of a good career in Accenture. It was a signal fire that opened my eyes to a whole lot of different opportunities. All of the senior executives admitted to having to go through being a programmer paving their way to achieving their position now. And the only common advice they gave us was:

*If you plan your career, do it in such a way that you think of long term goals.
*Stay in the company and you will achieve this.
*Have a positive attitude towards things and do your job well. You are empowered to do the best that you can because each good thing that you do will be noticed and will surely be rewarded!

These advices are quite broad in nature but it can be done. I am inspired to do great things by people who don’t even know me, by family, by friends, by enemies, by the majority of the poor Filipino people and by God. Although its too early to tell but then each programmer in Accenture has the same opportunity to become a senior executive in 3-5 years time!

Afternoon ranting:
A heart got broken into pieces by the last person she thinks could break it. Its an unfortunate sad moment of my life. Nope its not my heart but my friends heart. And for what? For a girl who threw herself at guys. These are the instances that make me fear diving into a relationship. Guys are easily tempted by girls who are aggressive. I know I should not generalize things, but there goes the same chauvinist attitude of guys. Boys will be boys… I remember one of my past guy friends saying: If a corn is thrown at a rooster, won’t it take it right away? Grab the opportunity. Its not everyday that this fine lass cuddles me to my hearts delight, I don’t even need to make my move! It happens to the best of relationships and it could happen to me. My devil tells me that all guys are the same; that they would just hurt and trample upon my kindness. But my angel disagrees, saying that I should not lose hope in people. That not all guys take the bait from bitchy girls. How could these people sleep at night knowing that they have hurt somebody?

And so instead of Friday being a love day, it was full of tears and angry hearts. Can somebody please give me the reason to hope or to cling on to something to continue hoping that good exists in people, that not all guys are pigs and that there is somebody who would have the courage to stick it up till the end and commit!

How would you heal a broken heart? Would it change the person in a good way or would it turn him/her into a different type of person? --- watch out for next the post!

crashing fast...

nope this has nothing to do with my feelings...well not entirely...

the mysterious became familiar
too familiar indeed
i thought i would like
him to be close by
but not this close
can't move
can't breathe
can't live?
but then is familiarity
a part of the package?
am i lucky or am i doomed?
why is everybody happy
and im confused?
will too much closeness
be the reason for me
to lose the feeling?

Okay so its mostly all of what I'm thinking, hypothetically speaking...I'll blog some more soon!

Dang, uploading pics is such a hassle...I'm so tired and sleepy...gotta hit the sack soon!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO GIZELLE FAYE SEMBRANO, my friend, confidante, fashion adviser, dietician and a true sister indeed! May you be happy with love and life! May God bless you with all the sparks and magic!May He let you reach fulfillment and grant you contentment...Love you Yapi!