what if I die tomorrow, would you mourn for me?

WOULD YOU?

All day I have been tackling with people who seem to be diving down that steep slope of depression.  I talk them out of their insecurities leaving me all worn out and depressed myself.  I knocked my brains out thinking of all the kind and encouraging words I could say...And yet here I am...feeling awfully downtrodden...Feeling emo of all the days...Why?

I wish people could just get of my case of being single.  It's not happening to me.  And there's nothing wrong with me or them or both for that matter it isn't just happening.  It's not that fate is angry with me because it's not letting me be happy.  I am happy most of the time.  I am happy when in a day I am not questioned if I am married or why I am not yet married...Hello? At 25 with a salary of less than 30 grand? I don't think I could afford to have a husband just yet, if you know what I mean!  Then the next irritating question pops up, why don't you have a boyfriend?  Maybe you're too picky!  It's not like I could tap any guy in the shoulder and tell them "Hey dude! I am single and available.  I am a software engineer who knows how to cook, clean and do the laundry.  I also am a fabulous dancer and an aspiring artist.  I am mentally stable with an IQ of more than 120! Wont you be my boyfriend? Please?"  How could I be picky?  I don't have a problem with anybody.  I could get along with any type of crowd.  I might have a problem with smoking before but heck that's just a minor detail.  Truth is, even I don't know the reason why...I've had it with all this relationship sh*t...Life should be more than that, should be more than romance.  It is just part of one's life and other people should understand that not all people are blessed with that kind of grace, to have someone to have and hold.  Missing that aspect in life should not make a person less whole.

On a day such as this it would all boil down to me being contented and grateful with what I have right now, loving dysfunctional united family and friends who wouldn't mind my tagging along and that certain someone who doesn't even have a clue that he completes my day.  I am a simple soul with simple wishes.  Small things could make me happy.  This should not bring my spirit down...

This is just one of those days I wish wouldn't happen again!  I'll probably just sleep over it.

Bonsoir!

OT

I tried posting this last night in the office.  I don't know why it didn't reach blogger...anyway here it goes:

I finished 1 out of 3 Change requests which is due Friday of next week.

My mom’s calling every 5 minutes checking up on me and my friends are asking if I can go out with them tonight.  

Who me? The Cinderella still at the age of 25.  When even if I work late nights I am still monitored.

I don’t want to complain but sometimes this sucks.  Life is should be beyond this.

But then again, my life was has never gone smoothly.

There’s always complications and I am still staying in the same spot.

Had I grown in person? In spirit?

I can’t think straight anymore, drained as always.

I better go home.  Simpler solution leaving everybody happy but me.

Missing you

I am testing whether I can post blogs using this email add.

To: 

Just so you know...

I miss you everyday.

When I wake up in the morning

Till I say my prayer at night

You are all I am thinking of.

And when I walk home at night

While looking at the stars

I wonder...

If whether you'd be able to see

The beauty of the night

Be able to feel the comfort of the wind

And the serenity of my soul...

Just by thinking of you

Just by missing you

Just by knowing you...

Shallow waters

I complained the whole day because I had nothing to do. I was bored out of my wits, trying to study for the certification but nothing sinks in. I tried doing the non-delivery work and checking up on emails from clients to finish off all the tickets. I was done in 10 minutes. Which means I have to find ways to keep myself busy for the next 8 hours and 50 mins.

I walked around, chatted with long time friends who were transferred to a different workforce, catching up and just killing time. Joined a meeting for people engagement activities which was supposed to perk up my afternoon but my mind was still blank.

At 5 in the afternoon, my counterpart emailed me asking if I can finish off 3 designs in less than 2 weeks. OMG! He's chatting with wonder woman. But this was it...This was the break I was waiting for all day. Time difference really sucks, big time. But then again, being as workaholic as I am, I finished off the designs, sent it for review before I could develop it. OT days are here again...I know techy, nerdy stuff. Let's move along...

I got my book Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus back. It traveled all the way to and from the land down under. Cool huh? I usually don't mind lending my books to friends and bringing it with them to their travels. I find it sentimental and meaningful that even if I can't go to those places, my books were there...I'm gonna go back to reading it bit by bit every night. I probably could use the knowledge for future reference.

Yesterday was one of the turning points in my life. My feelings, qualms and heart aches are really petty and insensible. This I realized while listening to my new found sister pour out her problems to me. I can feel her pain, frustration and regret. And I sink deeper. Ashamed of the nights I cried praying. The worst part is, although I can feel her remorse, I can't think of any comforting and uplifting words to say. But I was grateful because she trusted me with her life's secrets. And I myself was able to vent out my frustrations without uttering the four letter word...my life is once again taking its melodramatic turn...

So although my reasons & feelings maybe petty but still they are human emotions and at that point where I broke down and cried, I was really crushed. It is but timely to leave all those behind, bury them deep into the earth and forget that I ever shed tears. I am now on back on solid ground ready to be taken by gravity to another dimension. *wink*

Migraine

Why do good people always get hurt? Here I am wishing again to the heavens that the people I care about would be spared, from the devastating heartaches caused by human cruelty. I was listening to Sara Bareilles' Gravity:



And once again got the urge to cry. I am heartbroken because someone is heartbroken and I can't do anything to stop it. As they say getting over someone or something is a process and it needs ample time. One must respect the process. I am getting a headache right now. And someone just told they have brain cancer and needs operation tomorrow...I wish it was just a practical joke. I can't take anymore of this.

Things I need to accomplish by next week:
~prepare my CV
~meet up with Maia
~finish encoding Minsan Ka Lang Iibigin in NotesComposer
~pay for the TM dues
~cover my books
~review the yoga positions
~visit Jasmine and Ezri

What to look forward to?
~date with my sisters