How's Me?

Today my heart got crumpled again. Didn't choose to, didn't want to but due to those unexpected comments from friends - I know He means well - those happy pictures and a mis sent message makes the feeling come back and replicate into a thousand needles. Watched an episode of Grey's Anatomy and once again, Merideth's last line kinda stuck to my mind:

in the matter of knowing what you want,
those who doesn't know what they want
suffers the most.

I'm pretty positive I know what I want right now but why do I still suffer? I want to let go and move on. I am happy where I am now, I just wish I wouldn't get affected that easily. Well I would choose not to. Its all a matter of choice right?

So how's ME, you ask? Today, I'm hanging by a moment!

Take a quick peek...

Ok check out the slideshow I made for my friendster account. While watching the slide show, my mom took a peek. Then she said: "See van, your life is not boring! You have lots of things going on basing from those pictures!" Heck, yeah my life ain't boring. Its actually full of adventures. Here's the slide show! Enjoy!

Quote for the day!

Don't achieve to be greater than your contemporaries. Achieve to be greater than yourself!
- Criminal Minds

The Reason

I'm currently 23 years 4 months and 26 days old! I've already gotten my degree: BS Computer Engineering Major in Digital Systems Design and although my major is in hardware I have a job as an Associate Software Engineer in one of the leading consulting and outsourcing companies in the world. And I owe all of this to a whole lot of people. If it weren't for them, their sacrifices, their guidance, their time and effort, I would have been just another bum holding the remote control and I'd probably be fatter than I am now! (get the picture?)... So then it hit me, the very reason why I strive to reach my goals is basically for my family. They are center of every goal, every objective, every success...

When I was a child I wanted to be the president of the Philippines and I ended up being president of our first grade class. Tough job for a seven year old but I kinda got the hang of things so I ended up being public servant for the rest of the years I was in school. They say, most of those who enter politics joined because of the power. I say they're wrong. When I was an officer in class, it wasn't power that was given to me but a huge responsibility. And the way I see it, I was active in school because I love to serve. I love to organize events to bring people together, be involve in planning activities that would improve and develop people. I love working in the background and contributing whatever talent, skills and ideas I have in putting things in order and making events a big success. I had my fair share of ups and downs but never was I discouraged by rumors, critics and insults. I thought, heck they're just ingrates who weren't so damn blessed with the opportunity to serve.

And now I think I need to serve not just the community but most importantly the family who raised me to become the person I am now. They were the reason then and they're still my reason now. Its because of them that I am aiming to achieve a high position in Accenture. And serving my family would mean giving something back to the world. I owe them more than what I can probably give but then again as long as they're happy and at peace with the world, I am more than ecstatic.

new look, new life?

Got myself a haircut. My hair was too long for a wash and wear manage! Anyways here's my new look. This picture is taken at Kul's Kitchen when I had dinner with my friends from elementary.


It was taken using Karen's phone. So who were there and what do they do after 10 years (didn't realize it had been 10 years since I graduated from my elementary education in USC South Grade School).

In order of arrival:

Me - software engineer, Accenture
Mark Jusef Julio aka July - developer from Alliance loaned to Epson temporarily
April Victoria Pino aka Toriang- Med Rep
Karen Melody Migriño aka Karen - unemployed, reviewing for Accountancy Board Exam
Gizelle Faye Sembrano aka Ipay - Team Lead, Vonage Etelecare
Christy Surigao aka Christy - Nurse, Chong Hua Hospital
Emmanuel Delfino aka Eman - software engineer, Accenture
Manuel Baricuatro aka Junkoy - developer, Epson
Ma. Karla Bautista aka Kai - model, (don't know which agency)

We had coffee first at Mocha Blends then had dinner at Kul's. I couldn't get enough food! The day before I had dinner with Maia, Ipay, Edu and Rhea (college friends). Had my first taste of Persian Palate. It was really yummy!

Anyway, with regards to my title it doesn't actually come along that even if I had my hair cut short I should change who I am to people. I am still me, no matter how I look! Even if I miraculously lose 10 lbs. in 3 months time and probably look sexier (I wish!) I'd still love to help people, still want to keep my privacy, still want to hang out with friends and talk about Music, arts, movies and old classmates from elementary.

By the way, thanks for all those who read my blog and those who took time to post their thoughts on my chatterbox. A reader who doesn't want her/his/its identity to be known sent me an email.

Here goes:

Hey van,
Lets ask you then… Do you think close friends are still close friends when you’re intimate and hold hands? If you say yes, then yes it can be but honestly deep inside ur wishing it could be more than that…. Its your say on continuing to hold hands or intimate because “guys” in general just take advantage we wouldn’t know if they like it or not. They may take advantage, they might also wish the same thing that it could be more or they just don’t want to hurt the girls feelings. To Summarize all its all up to the girl. Can she handle bering intimate knowing that the guy may just be her good friend (at least she was able to take advantage of him)? Dba at least na enjoy nimu ang holding hands. Or is she just being intimate hoping nga something could happen?
Some are lucky that the guy they are falling for realizes. Some are not. Weigh it. If the guy is torpe then maybe time to give him a wake up call if the guy is not torpe then chances are he’s just passing time.

Upon reading this, it got me thinking. Maybe the intimacy is welcomed. Its always nice to have someone hold your hand just to let you know that they're just around the corner if you need them. Its nice to know that there's somebody who's willing to set aside whatever it is they're doing just to listen to you rant or listen to you praise all that had happened in your day. But then for me, its crossing the boundary of "just being close friends" and that certain "something else"!

And then another thought, probably way far from the topic at hand, hit me. I remembered Doyle telling me not to put color/meaning into what people especially guys do. Just wait till they guy blurts out the real deal. But lately it seems that even words are not to be taken seriously, well not all people but when it comes to guys I mean. They may say that they missed you and then mean something else. Ahhh! Why can't they just make up their minds. There are basically 2 choices here:

You like me. OR
You don't like me.

So I'd just probably stay away from guys. Period. End of story! hehehe...