I haven’t blogged for quite sometime simply because I can’t make time to blog. There are a lot of events that happened already and I never got the chance to write about them. Okay so let’s back track to June since my last post was May. There are about 4 friends who got married last June. Amazing, it seems like it was just yesterday that we had to attend several parties for friend’s 18th birthday and now we’re attending friend’s weddings. It still makes me teary-eyed to watch the bride walk up the isle to her prince charming. I think for one, weddings are my favorite occasions. It’s a celebration of love. And me being a self-confessed romantic would surely pine on such occasions.
The highlight of my July was of course my long awaited Bohol-Manila vacation. I had the chance to travel with Alyssa for the last time before she left for the US, I was able to hang out with my cousins: Bing, Van2x and Yanyan and almost took the plunge in Danao Bohol but ended up doing the suislide...I know such a coward...probably next time coz I'm on a tight budget and the plunge cost around Php750 - and its just one drop! Finally got the chance to catch up with my Mimim: Otti. It’s almost 2 months since we saw each other. Although we talk almost every day and text 24/7, it’s still different when he’s holding my hand, watch him eat, feel him smelling my hair or just sit still and stare at me. What a feeling…I know it’s super duper cheesy but then again I don’t care anymore. I have always been like this and I know you would notice it through my previous blogs. The feeling was just suppressed probably because all those time, it was always “could’ve been”. And now that I have this chance to love freely and fully, why wouldn’t I shout it to the world. In the end, I had to say goodbye to Aly (will write about her in a separate blog) and looking forward to Otti’s arrival come August. So after our escapade in Bohol, which by the way was Sandugo Festival, I went straight to Manila to spend time with Alyssa. Spent most of the time with Otti since Aly still had her classes in JRP. Helped her pack and chat about life and love.
I'm glad I was able to spend time with Otti and Aly. I even gained another friend: Jane - Aly's bestfriend. I'm going to miss Aly and her stories. As well as Tito Alex and Tita Sally...They've always welcomed me to their home everytime I come visit Manila. Aly even said that Otti's move to Cebu is quite the perfect timing since she's also moving to L.A. That way I won't be too sad and lonely...But I'm still gonna miss her.
As Liam Neeson said: I love it when a plan comes together.
Sunday, August 08, 2010
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Second: Stargazing
It has been close to 4 months now that I've known him. And today we are on our second month as a couple. And I feel so blessed to have him in my life. He came at a perfect time. I am already healed of my past pains and I have come to know myself more. I have proven to myself that I am capable of loving. The moment that I have let go of the desire to be in a relationship, was the moment it all happened. And he loves me. And I've seen it, not just because of his constant reminder thru words but also because of the many small and huge things he did for me, more so the sacrifice he has done and he will be doing.
In two months time he will be moving to Cebu. It would be a huge leap for both of us. I will be helping him with the arrangements and of course be here for him to welcome him to his new home. I hope there will never come a time that he will regret this move.
I haven't written much on how strongly I feel about him. I should someday gather all my thoughts and feelings and write about how he makes me feel. His hand seems so natural when holding mine. Its like it fitted perfectly in between my small fingers. And this is one of my favorite things in the world. Someone holding my hand. And he doesn't let go.
I am in love and so blessed to be in it since this time, the one person I chose to love feels the same way. Ain't that the best birthday gift ever???
In two months time he will be moving to Cebu. It would be a huge leap for both of us. I will be helping him with the arrangements and of course be here for him to welcome him to his new home. I hope there will never come a time that he will regret this move.
I haven't written much on how strongly I feel about him. I should someday gather all my thoughts and feelings and write about how he makes me feel. His hand seems so natural when holding mine. Its like it fitted perfectly in between my small fingers. And this is one of my favorite things in the world. Someone holding my hand. And he doesn't let go.
I am in love and so blessed to be in it since this time, the one person I chose to love feels the same way. Ain't that the best birthday gift ever???
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
@1
I feel ill today.
The people that I love are either ill themselves or is causing me such a headache I just want to scream at them.
The people that I love are either ill themselves or is causing me such a headache I just want to scream at them.
Friday, April 09, 2010
Beautiful Tears
I had the best tears last night. Not because I was sad or depressed but simply because I was in the company of great friends. We had a farewell dinner for Andy who's going to venture to a greener pasture in search for a better career. We began laughing even while were still checking the menu at SIAM up until we bid each other goodbye. And the flashback of wonderful memories from my college years came flashing by. I am so grateful for the best laugh I've had in months and it was all because of the reliable humor of Edu and Kathie, Andy and Lomi(Canence) and Yapi...And most people who has seen me laugh would really know that I have tears at the same time. One memory I had with these people was when we were in 3rd year college and we had a 5 hour break. Going home wasn't an option for me since it would take me an hour and 2 jeepney rides to get to my house. So we hanged out at Ipay's place in AS Fortuna(then) and watch 2 movies. After watching the movie, we then discuss the plot, cinematography and other stuff. Or if we had a test, she would just put on some music, we dance around and then quiz ourselves. And voila, we aced the test. These people are the main reason why I would attest that I love college way better than high school as opposed to the majority who would prefer high school. If I were to rank my years in school I would say college, then grade school and then high school. High school was all drama...erggg...the effect of being stuck in an all girls school...
Anyway, I am mostly busy these days doing some hard core programming stuff...I know you can't probably relate but then I arrive at the office around 30 minutes past 9 and go home 12 hours after - the earliest. I should be able to adjust to the learning curve anytime soon.
And lastly...I think...It is my time...to feel so strongly for someone once again. It's a huge risk actually...But every single day that I know something new about him, he reveals something wonderful in his character that somehow makes him worth it. It's through discovering who he is that makes me realize what I want. I never got the chance to figure out what is really important for me when meeting someone up until now. I am praying for this to work. I am inlove and I'm terrified...
I hope I can get the chance:
-to blog again
-to strum my guitar and sing
-to dance like no body's watching
-to cover my feet with sand and listen to the waves
-to watch a lover's moon
-to smell nature after the rain
-to lie on a beach in Moalboal and watch a dozen falling stars
-to drive around town with rolled down windows and U2 playing
I wonder which ones I can achieve soon...
Anyway, I am mostly busy these days doing some hard core programming stuff...I know you can't probably relate but then I arrive at the office around 30 minutes past 9 and go home 12 hours after - the earliest. I should be able to adjust to the learning curve anytime soon.
And lastly...I think...It is my time...to feel so strongly for someone once again. It's a huge risk actually...But every single day that I know something new about him, he reveals something wonderful in his character that somehow makes him worth it. It's through discovering who he is that makes me realize what I want. I never got the chance to figure out what is really important for me when meeting someone up until now. I am praying for this to work. I am inlove and I'm terrified...
I hope I can get the chance:
-to blog again
-to strum my guitar and sing
-to dance like no body's watching
-to cover my feet with sand and listen to the waves
-to watch a lover's moon
-to smell nature after the rain
-to lie on a beach in Moalboal and watch a dozen falling stars
-to drive around town with rolled down windows and U2 playing
I wonder which ones I can achieve soon...
Friday, March 26, 2010
Long Walks in the Park 1
“30 more minutes and we’re there” shouted our trail guide James as we were stopping over a shade. Then I heard him snicker under his breathe and uttered to himself “plus 2 more hours”. He said further “This trek is just a piece of cake, like taking long walks in the park”. The park that he must have been referring to was probably Central Park in New York or Parke del Retiro in Madrid because our hike from Mantalungon proper to Osmeña peak was no where near taking long walks in the park.
Osmeña Peak is known to be the highest peak in Cebu province. Based on actual GPS altitude, it stands approximately 1000 meters above sea level. It is located in the vicinity of Mantalongon, Dalaguete which is known as both the summer capital as well as the vegetable capital of the province. It’s deemed as the mini Baguio of Cebu.
For me it wasn’t just a hike up the mountains and getting in touch with nature. It was conquering something that I’ve feared of doing for such a long time and which my mother feared for me also. You see I am known to be the one in the family who has a recurring case of asthma. And although the last attack was 12 years ago, I still suffer shortened breathing once in a while. But as I asked for permission to go – I still do at the age of 25 – my mother was hesitant because I might not make it through the entire trip. But as stubborn as I am, I insisted upon going because after all we have been planning this since January. So to rid myself of the worry that I might not finish the trek, I tried packing light and stuck to two walking buddies at the beginning of the hike. Along the rugged path, scorching heat, freezing cold and the rough terrains of the mountains of Mantalungon, I’ve discovered rare gems of personality, strong foundation of friendship and an overflowing bag of realization.
• Take baby steps
It’s my first major climb. My uncle, aunt, cousins and I used to take a walk up San Carlos heights in Pardo but it was summers ago that we did that. And in this trip I learned that I need to take small steps to keep my balance. It is difficult to walk straight if you have a ton of weight on your back especially when walking up a hill with just a tiny pathway to walk upon. To your left you’ll find a steep inclination towards the mountain side or those itchy copra plants and weeds. And to your right is a deep drop of the cliff. So it is best to take tiny sure steps even if it will take you a longer time to get to the next stop. Because if you take a huge one, you might be able to catch your breathing or you might feel that awful sensation in your knee that hinders you from taking another huge step forward. Relating it to the broadness of life, it is but wise to take small continuous steps in pursuing your goal. You might sometimes want to make a huge leap but before you do that you need to check that there’s a rock that you can hold on to in case you slip.
• Look ahead once in a while just to check if you are still following the pack but you must keep your sight on the path that you are taking. The walk ways were tricky in the sense that sometimes even if you step on dry land doesn’t assure you that it’s not slippery. When we got the part called as the half moon on traversing to Kawasan falls, the walk way became more difficult as it became narrower. We were all so tired and I for one am trying to regulate my breathing and trying to disregard the scorching sun making its mark on my nape. I was just lazily following the group when all of a sudden I stepped on loose land, slipped and landed on my right leg. I was so caught up with my breathing that I didn’t pay attention to the ground I was walking on. I got blinded by the sun and then I saw a shadow reached out to extend a helping hand…Was it my night in shining armor ready to rescue a damsel in distress? No… It was a very reliable friend ready to pull me up, check if I was injured and then encouraged me to get back to the game.
• If all else fails, improvise!
What could be worse than joining a trek for the first time in one of the most challenging climbs in my history of outdoor activities than to have both soles of my rubber shoes coming off? We were still 3 or 4 hours away from Kawasan falls when I thought that a branch got stuck on my right shoe. I tried kicking it off and then walked for another 5 minutes and realized that it was not a branch that’s adding weight. It was actually me exerting effort to lift my leg to keep my sole from coming off. I had to stop. And embarrassing as it may seem, admitted to our Manila friends what had happened. I wanted to dissolve to the ground and blend in with nature! Then one of they guys named Jim said not to worry and that it happens all the time. He called out one of the members of Accenture Outdoors club who happened to be my school mate in college to help me tie my shoelace around my shoe to keep the soles from coming off. The trick worked and I was able to reach Kawasan falls with the same shoe now with a new design: blue band aids on both tip and shoe laces holding it together.
During that trek I thought I was the weakling who always needs to stop to catch my breath and slow down my heart beat. But then I wasn’t the only one. We are all humans and although some may have more strength and endurance as me but they are not there to scrutinize.
It was difficult but I was able to reach our destination and didn’t get left behind. Why? Because in every difficult moment, even in the most scariest step, there was always somebody to reach out and pull me up or push my back pack so that I could carry on the weight and take the next step up the mountain. I had someone who would accompany me when I stop and encourage me to move forward. There was also someone who would come looking if ever we lost our way. And lastly there were friends who would sing and whistle to make the hard climb seem like just merely taking a walk in the park.
Osmeña Peak is known to be the highest peak in Cebu province. Based on actual GPS altitude, it stands approximately 1000 meters above sea level. It is located in the vicinity of Mantalongon, Dalaguete which is known as both the summer capital as well as the vegetable capital of the province. It’s deemed as the mini Baguio of Cebu.
For me it wasn’t just a hike up the mountains and getting in touch with nature. It was conquering something that I’ve feared of doing for such a long time and which my mother feared for me also. You see I am known to be the one in the family who has a recurring case of asthma. And although the last attack was 12 years ago, I still suffer shortened breathing once in a while. But as I asked for permission to go – I still do at the age of 25 – my mother was hesitant because I might not make it through the entire trip. But as stubborn as I am, I insisted upon going because after all we have been planning this since January. So to rid myself of the worry that I might not finish the trek, I tried packing light and stuck to two walking buddies at the beginning of the hike. Along the rugged path, scorching heat, freezing cold and the rough terrains of the mountains of Mantalungon, I’ve discovered rare gems of personality, strong foundation of friendship and an overflowing bag of realization.
• Take baby steps
It’s my first major climb. My uncle, aunt, cousins and I used to take a walk up San Carlos heights in Pardo but it was summers ago that we did that. And in this trip I learned that I need to take small steps to keep my balance. It is difficult to walk straight if you have a ton of weight on your back especially when walking up a hill with just a tiny pathway to walk upon. To your left you’ll find a steep inclination towards the mountain side or those itchy copra plants and weeds. And to your right is a deep drop of the cliff. So it is best to take tiny sure steps even if it will take you a longer time to get to the next stop. Because if you take a huge one, you might be able to catch your breathing or you might feel that awful sensation in your knee that hinders you from taking another huge step forward. Relating it to the broadness of life, it is but wise to take small continuous steps in pursuing your goal. You might sometimes want to make a huge leap but before you do that you need to check that there’s a rock that you can hold on to in case you slip.
• Look ahead once in a while just to check if you are still following the pack but you must keep your sight on the path that you are taking. The walk ways were tricky in the sense that sometimes even if you step on dry land doesn’t assure you that it’s not slippery. When we got the part called as the half moon on traversing to Kawasan falls, the walk way became more difficult as it became narrower. We were all so tired and I for one am trying to regulate my breathing and trying to disregard the scorching sun making its mark on my nape. I was just lazily following the group when all of a sudden I stepped on loose land, slipped and landed on my right leg. I was so caught up with my breathing that I didn’t pay attention to the ground I was walking on. I got blinded by the sun and then I saw a shadow reached out to extend a helping hand…Was it my night in shining armor ready to rescue a damsel in distress? No… It was a very reliable friend ready to pull me up, check if I was injured and then encouraged me to get back to the game.
• If all else fails, improvise!
What could be worse than joining a trek for the first time in one of the most challenging climbs in my history of outdoor activities than to have both soles of my rubber shoes coming off? We were still 3 or 4 hours away from Kawasan falls when I thought that a branch got stuck on my right shoe. I tried kicking it off and then walked for another 5 minutes and realized that it was not a branch that’s adding weight. It was actually me exerting effort to lift my leg to keep my sole from coming off. I had to stop. And embarrassing as it may seem, admitted to our Manila friends what had happened. I wanted to dissolve to the ground and blend in with nature! Then one of they guys named Jim said not to worry and that it happens all the time. He called out one of the members of Accenture Outdoors club who happened to be my school mate in college to help me tie my shoelace around my shoe to keep the soles from coming off. The trick worked and I was able to reach Kawasan falls with the same shoe now with a new design: blue band aids on both tip and shoe laces holding it together.
During that trek I thought I was the weakling who always needs to stop to catch my breath and slow down my heart beat. But then I wasn’t the only one. We are all humans and although some may have more strength and endurance as me but they are not there to scrutinize.
It was difficult but I was able to reach our destination and didn’t get left behind. Why? Because in every difficult moment, even in the most scariest step, there was always somebody to reach out and pull me up or push my back pack so that I could carry on the weight and take the next step up the mountain. I had someone who would accompany me when I stop and encourage me to move forward. There was also someone who would come looking if ever we lost our way. And lastly there were friends who would sing and whistle to make the hard climb seem like just merely taking a walk in the park.
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Gravedigger
I've been feeling down lately. Simply because once again people have been pushing me to dig the past. The emotions that have long been put away in a crypt somewhere very deep into the ground have been taken out with just a single shovel. I hate it when I'm interrogated or when people force me to answer them with things they want to hear which composes mostly of intrigue. And so last Saturday, in a beach far away from home, I sat facing the waves, crying like somebody died again. MYSELF. I died again...I wonder how many deaths I must surpass to be able to completely rid myself of this awful feeling of remorse. I know someday I might laugh at this post telling myself that I am being emo today. But I was trembling at that night trying to stop the tears from flowing. I was actually communing with God. Feeling his presence through the wind and hearing his voice through the waves. It seems to me that all the frustrations for the past couple of weeks poured down into one major breakdown. If you are wondering why all this drama, Oh well it doesn't have to do with a guy this time. It has to do with disappointments with work. Lately I've been feeling betrayed, useless, helpless and somehow it seems that all the goal that I have set for myself were all washed down the drain. I can't talk about it here. And I even pray every single day that I may have patience and humility. That I may accept the fact that no matter how much work I put into what I was held responsible before, no matter how much the client appreciates my work, I am dispensable. Its so easy to get rid of me. And the sooner I accept that, the sooner I let go of the once loved work that I had established, the easier it is for me to blend into this new team that I will be working with, moving forward. Okay enough with the sourgraping already...
Anyway, I have to make another plan for me. I still need to 2 more years of experience before I can consider venturing out of the country. Wish me luck with this one guys! Hopefully more posts for this March!
Anyway, I have to make another plan for me. I still need to 2 more years of experience before I can consider venturing out of the country. Wish me luck with this one guys! Hopefully more posts for this March!
Saturday, February 13, 2010
Terrified
I watched American Idol when I woke up and heard this being sung by one of the contestants...
You by the light
Is the greatest find
In a world full of wrong
You're the thing that's right
Finally made it through the lonely
To the other side
Chorus:
You said it again
My heart's in motion
Every word feels like a shooting star
I'm at the edge of my emotions
Watchin' the shadows burnin' in the dark
And I-I-I'm in love (I'm in love)
And I-I-I'm terrified
For the first time
And the last time
In my only life, life
This could be good
It's already better than that
And nothing's worse than knowing you're holding back
I could be all that you needed
If you let me try
Chorus:
You said it again
My heart's in motion
Every word feels like a shooting star
I'm at the edge of my emotions
Watchin' the shadows burnin' in the dark
And I-I-I'm in love (I'm in love)
And I-I-I'm terrified
For the first time
And the last time
In my only life, life
Bridge:
I only said it
'Cause I mean it (ohhhh)
I only mean it
'Cause it's true (ohhhhh)
So don't you doubt
What i've been dreaming
'Cause it keeps me up
It holds me close
Whenever I'm without you
Chorus:
You said it again
My heart's in motion
Every word feels like a shooting star o
I'm at the edge of my emotions
Watchin' the shadows burnin' in the dark
And I-I-I'm in love (I'm in love)
And I-I-I'm terrified
For the first time
And the last time
In my only life, life
I posted the song in my Facebook profile...I'm beginning to think I'm gonna be singing this song single day...
You by the light
Is the greatest find
In a world full of wrong
You're the thing that's right
Finally made it through the lonely
To the other side
Chorus:
You said it again
My heart's in motion
Every word feels like a shooting star
I'm at the edge of my emotions
Watchin' the shadows burnin' in the dark
And I-I-I'm in love (I'm in love)
And I-I-I'm terrified
For the first time
And the last time
In my only life, life
This could be good
It's already better than that
And nothing's worse than knowing you're holding back
I could be all that you needed
If you let me try
Chorus:
You said it again
My heart's in motion
Every word feels like a shooting star
I'm at the edge of my emotions
Watchin' the shadows burnin' in the dark
And I-I-I'm in love (I'm in love)
And I-I-I'm terrified
For the first time
And the last time
In my only life, life
Bridge:
I only said it
'Cause I mean it (ohhhh)
I only mean it
'Cause it's true (ohhhhh)
So don't you doubt
What i've been dreaming
'Cause it keeps me up
It holds me close
Whenever I'm without you
Chorus:
You said it again
My heart's in motion
Every word feels like a shooting star o
I'm at the edge of my emotions
Watchin' the shadows burnin' in the dark
And I-I-I'm in love (I'm in love)
And I-I-I'm terrified
For the first time
And the last time
In my only life, life
I posted the song in my Facebook profile...I'm beginning to think I'm gonna be singing this song single day...
Friday, February 12, 2010
My Funny Valentine
I know I haven’t blogged since I don’t know when. It’s just that for the past 25 years I have been dreading Valentines Day. Supposedly a hopeless romantic fool like myself would pine on the coming of this day however, I choose to stay home and watch a very nice chic flick just to let the day pass. Probably because I already run the scenes in my head, expecting and then ended up feeling disappointed because none of what I imagined came to reality. Typical. And downright suicidal. But somehow its different for me this year. I have learned my lesson.
This year apart from being able to accomplish most of my to-do’s for the day, I had fun playing the Valentine games in our floor, had a great lunch with my close friend Rhea and for the first time in my entire life received a dozen red roses. I wasn’t expecting anything not because I think of myself as the biggest Valentine loser but simply because for the first time in my entire life too, no one occupies a space in my heart apart from God, family and a few friends. I know, I would’ve told myself I’m not normal for not liking anyone but you know what, it is actually liberating. I am not expecting, I am not always on my toes thinking that I might lose the interest of someone special to me, I am not worrying all the time. I can sleep better at night and I wake up looking forward to another day of productivity and learning.
There’s just one glitch though, the person who gave the flowers didn’t leave any card and told the guard too not to mention where it came from. So I practically have no idea who to thank. I would probably post my thank you note in Facebook just incase that person is one of my friends there.
Anyway, I am currently doing non-delivery work so I might post more blogs moving forward.
Nota bene: To the person who gave the flowers
Thank you so much for being so thoughtful. I love the flowers. You made this year’s valentine memorable. I hope someday I can return the favor. Not give you flowers but make you smile and be happy.
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