Merry Christmas Darling...

so its the day for the eve of Christmas (am I right?) and yet i don't feel as if its the holidays...its not like before, 2 days before christmas me and my cousins all gather up in the "big house", baking, wrapping gifts and preparing for whatever it is we're planing to do on christmas eve...but then now, i don't know i feel so empty and unprepared. like its not that special anymore...
maybe its because our family's incomplete...my uncle linus is not around to give us the laughs and cheers, my aunt digna and ping is somewhere in reno diggin their own party...and molly, sweet molly is off having christmas with her new family...it makes me completely sad and lost...
but then again, i should be grateful...Why?because apart from the fact that many of my loved ones left for different reasons, my immediate family is sticking around...my dad still drinks alot but now that im 21, i kinda understand why...i don't question his motives anymore but once again thank God that he still lives despite of the booze and cigarettes...my mom still thinks im this kid who needs to be monitored but if she wasn't doing that i'd definitely be lost...my brother still nags my head off...but then i learned patience from him...what a family huh...oh well...there's still a lot of things to be grateful for...i think im still lucky to have them than having no family at all...
and here i am contemplating on my pathetic lovelife...im not heart broken anymore...i just feel empty...its as if this void exists because it needs to be filled up...and the very person who i think would be the perfect remedy to this crazy loneliness doesn't even seem to care...yes we are friends...are we close, it depends on how you define close! question is: am i smitten? well up to now, i still don't know...why? because up to now i haven't fully understood or found myself in the verge of loving or falling in love...
so my conclusion to all of this is that: well, i must admit i haven't really gotten into that stage of staying in love...yes i have fallen but after a couple of months or weeks even, i'd bounce back to my sanity...
i'll miss him over the christmas break, i'm not sure if we'll communicate!you see im not one of the most important persons in his life...but right now, he's one of mine...^_^

have a very merry christmas everyone and a blessed new year...

love you! mwaah mwaah mwaah

Wish LiSt 1

my wish list:

the material version 1:

1.) a cute belt
2.) black or purple new craze flipflops
3.) a pair of star earings
4.) purple or green ballet shoes
5.) new cellphone hehehe:)
6.) digital cam 3 megapixel would be okay
7.) tank tops
8.) chronicles of narnia book
9.) a purple long beaded necklace
10.) a fiona apple cd (new album)

well thats the first part...^_^

POST RETREAT VANESSA...

It has been 2 days after our Batch Retreat...I am at peace with the two people i ignored, avoided and feared...It was better than probably making out with my crush...yeah as if I knew the feeling, unfortunately at 21 I'm still a virgin lips...hahaha...Like Drew said in 50 First dAtes "nothing beats the first kiss"! And so anyway, I told him that I really liked him but you know what, I couldn't bring myself to tell him that I did actually love him...It was hard to say the word love. For me it would seem as if I'm extremely hopeless and void of inspiration. Oh well, the only consolation to my very "Loser" act is that in spite of me crying, I aslo saw tears in his eyes...maybe because of pity, I don't know. I don't actually read minds especially his...after the weeping and feeling of emptiness comes an unexpected candle from my constant bickering buddy!hehehe...didn't expect him to give me one...^_^ and the night ended with a deep realization that "God does exist", that time does heal, that I am not a cynic, that I couldn't stay angry for a very long time and that I am now free of any pain and anger that I tried to eradicate but eventually shadowed my mornings. I was so happy, taking pictures with friends and schoolmates that I ended up gulping the gin my classmate handed over. It was only one shot then I got into the shower before enjoying the night singing and taking more pictures...I even got a great massage from someone unexpected. The following day, with uplifted spirits, I honestly wrote to my batchmates what I actually see in them. Its hard to describe someone in writing, its even harder to listen to all those complements they told me during our "Circle of Life" session where one plays Zacheus and the other Jesus.

^_^bing told me however not think too much of **** but rather enjoy every second I spend with him even if it means putting up with all those stories of girls I know and girls I do not know of, even if it means that I have to keep on retracting every teasing he'll throw at me and even if I lead him to still believe that I like this guy that eventually is way far from the person that he is.

^_^hanging out with him and accepting all that he is makes me realize that I like him even more. He is truly one in a million...

^_^once again I have so much to tell...
^_^once again I have a reason to smile more often than usual...
^_^once again I am urged to write songs...
^_^and finally once again I am slowly believing that God does create wonderful Love stories in HIs time...

Peace out!