THE TINY FROG

A friend emailed this to me and I just wanted to share it with you! Thanks to Ms. Louise Mae Arbiol!

Once upon a time there was a bunch of tiny frogs.... who arranged a running competition.

The goal was to reach the top of a very high tower.

A big crowd had gathered around the tower to see the race and cheer on the contestants....

The race began....

Honestly:

No one in the crowd really believed that the tiny frogs would reach the top of the tower.

You heard statements such as:

"Oh, WAY too difficult!!"

"They will NEVER make it to the top."

or:

"Not a chance that they will succeed. The tower is too high!"




The tiny frogs began collapsing. One by one....

Except for those, who in a fresh tempo, were climbing higher and higher....

The crowd continued to yell, "It is too difficult!!! No one will make it!"

More tiny frogs got tired and gave up....

But ONE continued higher and higher and higher....

This one wouldn't give up!

At the end everyone else had given up climbing the tower. Except for the one tiny frog who, after a big effort, was the only one who reached the top!

THEN all of the other tiny frogs naturally wanted to know how this one frog managed to do it?

A contestant asked the tiny frog how he had found the strength to succeed and reach the goal?

It turned out....

That the winner was DEAF!!!!

The wisdom of this story is:

Never listen to other people's tendencies to be negative or pessimistic.... because they take your most wonderful dreams and wishes away from you -- the ones you have in your heart!

Always think of the power words have.

Because everything you hear and read will affect your actions!

Therefore:

ALWAYS be....

POSITIVE!

And above all:

Be DEAF when people tell YOU that you cannot fulfill your dreams!

Always think:

God and I can do this!


MY HOROSCOPE FOR TODAY!

You're willing to move on and eager to make up for lost time, but is the other person in this equation feeling as magnanimous? If not, don't be too quick to pick up their slack. It takes two to tango, you know.

Thanks to you, I got through the toughest day of my entire life...It was a huge miracle that I had that much confidence to face the panel members. You inspired me and helped me believe in my own capabilities. Because you were so sure that I would make it, I also believed that I could...So who ever you are, thank You! I am grateful to have you...

Post Mortem: Documentation

We finally passed our documentation for the project yesterday. We were 39 minutes late…It means that there might be a chance that our final grade will be deducted 5%! I know that totally sucks because I placed all my energy into it. My head bled the night before and even on that day. Post mortem: severe headaches that would last for hours and would only be remedied by sleep, which I still don’t have enough.

So what have I learned from all this rush and never-ending dilemma???

I actually improved my patience. I have learned to shut my mouth even if I was already steaming with anger. I kept my focus on what I was doing instead of wasting time nagging at some useless person sitting next to me.

I learned to humble myself in times of me being wrong and even if I was already provoked, still I would try to rationalize things and think things over a thousand times before I do something stupid.

I am thankful that in spite of all the hardships and frustrations I had been through because of this project, I am still standing and I am still eager to finish this… The thing is, because of all the problems I had and I was able to get pass, I am inspired to do the things I still need to do. It seems that the force I needed to go on was in fact the same force that would cause me to cry. Weird isn’t it? But in spite of me crying and giving up, I am now willing to exert more effort into it.

My shock absorbers are very helpful because they were there with me when I needed to talk and needed to rant about what was happening to me and my group mates for the project. And what’s great about being with these 3 persons is that every time I am with them, these are the moments that I felt free of problems. I mean when I am with them, we do talk about problems but then end up laughing about it. Its when I had tears in my eyes and gas in my tummy because of this one joke we couldn’t get over with. And I do miss them when we don’t get to see each other in school or don’t get to hang out but then seeing them again after several days makes the waiting worth it.

My horoscope says that I should be grateful for having things that I need and that I am way blessed because of the things that I have and which are of greater value.

Damn right I am!

And up to now, I still surprise me… Its not that I don’t know who I am, its just that sometimes I surprise me because I am not aware that I have this certain effect on people…Maybe when I least think of myself is when most people notice that I exist.

I just hope that he-who-must-not-be-named would notice that I do exist and if he does then I hope and pray that he would notice that I CARE!

Gosh what a night...

Had to help my friend cathy and fill her in with what we did during training since she went to Manila for her cousin's wedding. I really had fun talking to her since she makes so much sense but then even if she's that sensible, she can also be extremely funny...had coffee with her and alain...twas fun and we talked about stuff...

anyhow, im still contemplating on whether i should continue with this craziness im in...I know i kinda promised myself that i would concentrate on my work and studies and won't let any distractions take my focus away from my priorities...but then here goes my heart again...playing tricks again...and here I am, back to square one... I tried to stay walled up but he keeps on breaking my defenses down. you might ask me how...but then I can't go into details here...

All i want right now is to show him I care, not just because I admire him but then its more like I want to be his friend...maybe by then I would understand him better and I would know my place...

he'll be on my mind -- from norah jones' don't know why

Horoscope and the like...

My Horoscope for today...

for Thursday, January 19:

You've got big plans for later on in the evening, but before you can get to that, you've got to tackle your 'to-do' list. While it looks substantial now, taking care of items one by one will be more efficient than you think.


Do you want to know what my plans are for tonight????


Oh well I plan to not go to sleep again...

I plan to solve this problem of UART, Universal Asynchronous Reception and Transmission in Matlab...Its kinda difficult coz its not your everyday programming thing...

I plan to refine my speech and do well in our mock calls tonight...

Well basically that is all that's on the menu tonight...

maybe FATE will add some more...

Chow!

I'M ON MY WAY TO A HUGE MAKE-OVER

When you said something to someone you care so much about and afterwards you felt bad about saying it, DO APOLOGIZE. Say you are sorry even if you think that you were correct. Well the mere bad feeling that's there even if you are logically right makes it all wrong. You won't lose anything coz if we would talk about pride, if it were somebody else maybe I would have second or third thoughts but with someone who's close to you, why risk a day of that person feeling bad or disappointed about the whole thing...

Anywayz, training's going great...Just don't be shocked to hear me go slangy while talking to you...Our trainer Gina told us that its not Slang coz that would mean street language. Gina is a great at what she does...She's also fun. Although we haven't hanged out yet coz of course she's an employee and I think she's already Level 2 but then I feel so open towards her...

Another learning I might add is:

Always question what you want!!!

And I've decided to apply that everytime I feel so impulsive. Maybe it would keep me out of trouble...

Please pray for all of our batch, that we could finish our projects and graduate this March...

CAN'T HARDLY WAIT!

This is from Seventeen.com...

The feisty nature of the Aries boy will amuse you to no end, and he'll look to you for a steadying presence that keeps him from getting carried away.Your sign ruler, Venus, will be enticed by his Mars-ruled ability to quickly decide what he wants and go after it. You'll love watching him excel at sports or business, and he'll appreciate your encouragement to stick with what he's already started. He might have to prod you from time to time, but one thing's for sure: the passion between you will be intense.You can help to balance one another's tendencies toward extremes, but if you decide he's a keeper, avoid nagging this independent guy. Plentiful compliments and a subtle way of guiding him will work best when you need to persuade him. You and your Aries guy will learn that a balance between action and determination will help you build a fabulous life together.

It seems that I am still confused with things.

But let me just say this, and I know this may sound far out or shall I say too soon to say but believe me this is how I see things between us right now...

Honestly I don't expect him to like me perce! Its not that I don't believe that he would its just that I got tired of the feeling of you know, expecting...

I am grateful that we're friends, although not that close coz I realized that I am still getting to know the different personas he's playing in this movie of ours...

And so far, all is going well with my life right now...

Everything is in place: got work at CallTek, project's progressing(Thank God!) and he's constantly there to make me laugh and listen to me...hahaha...^__^

IN OTHER WORDS: I AM CONTENTED!!!

How could I make myself forget you for a while...???

I'm watching you watch over me and I've got the greatest view...

Everything's going smoothly with our project although sometimes it really wores me out just thinking of all those modules we lack and with so little time...I'm supposed to go to TC and meet with Luis, our adviser. I hope we could finish the Matlab part so that it wouldn't be too scary since Jan.18 would be the deadline for changes and we need to at least put up all the modules before that day.

Had my first day for OJT in CallTek last night and so far it was fun. I'm kinda eager to polish my English since I know even if I have random thoughts and endless words(if my brain is not freezed) I still stammer especially if I get nervous. We were a noisy batch, says the HR, Ms. Arnie...She's got absolutely amazing accent and even if sometimes her voice kinda hurts my eardrums but she's cool...not too lenient...not too strict...in other words, she knows her place...

And I should know mine...

I want to stop liking him...Why?

Coz I don't want distractions at this time...its crucial...you know!well you wouldn't know coz you're not in my place. But then I see him almost everyday, we talk or rather if I opted not to talk he would do everything to get my attention. I should set aside all this insane thoughts and focus on what's essential..but its hard...I couldn't stop thinking of him that even when I wake up in the morning, I realized that I just dreamed of him...how sad...coz I know he doesn't see me the way I like him to...

uh oh...gotta go...

chill!!!

GET REAL AND DEAL

Sensuality

What a word...

Toto says:

WHEN YOUR HEART GETS BROKEN ITS THEN YOU WILL DISCOVER YOUR SENSUALITY...

I don't know about that but for me, when my heart got broken it wasn't long enough before i placed back the broken pieces together...it was hard but then patience still is a virtue and I guess I just realized that I have plenty of time and so far that's all I need...

Merry Christmas Darling...

so its the day for the eve of Christmas (am I right?) and yet i don't feel as if its the holidays...its not like before, 2 days before christmas me and my cousins all gather up in the "big house", baking, wrapping gifts and preparing for whatever it is we're planing to do on christmas eve...but then now, i don't know i feel so empty and unprepared. like its not that special anymore...
maybe its because our family's incomplete...my uncle linus is not around to give us the laughs and cheers, my aunt digna and ping is somewhere in reno diggin their own party...and molly, sweet molly is off having christmas with her new family...it makes me completely sad and lost...
but then again, i should be grateful...Why?because apart from the fact that many of my loved ones left for different reasons, my immediate family is sticking around...my dad still drinks alot but now that im 21, i kinda understand why...i don't question his motives anymore but once again thank God that he still lives despite of the booze and cigarettes...my mom still thinks im this kid who needs to be monitored but if she wasn't doing that i'd definitely be lost...my brother still nags my head off...but then i learned patience from him...what a family huh...oh well...there's still a lot of things to be grateful for...i think im still lucky to have them than having no family at all...
and here i am contemplating on my pathetic lovelife...im not heart broken anymore...i just feel empty...its as if this void exists because it needs to be filled up...and the very person who i think would be the perfect remedy to this crazy loneliness doesn't even seem to care...yes we are friends...are we close, it depends on how you define close! question is: am i smitten? well up to now, i still don't know...why? because up to now i haven't fully understood or found myself in the verge of loving or falling in love...
so my conclusion to all of this is that: well, i must admit i haven't really gotten into that stage of staying in love...yes i have fallen but after a couple of months or weeks even, i'd bounce back to my sanity...
i'll miss him over the christmas break, i'm not sure if we'll communicate!you see im not one of the most important persons in his life...but right now, he's one of mine...^_^

have a very merry christmas everyone and a blessed new year...

love you! mwaah mwaah mwaah

Wish LiSt 1

my wish list:

the material version 1:

1.) a cute belt
2.) black or purple new craze flipflops
3.) a pair of star earings
4.) purple or green ballet shoes
5.) new cellphone hehehe:)
6.) digital cam 3 megapixel would be okay
7.) tank tops
8.) chronicles of narnia book
9.) a purple long beaded necklace
10.) a fiona apple cd (new album)

well thats the first part...^_^

POST RETREAT VANESSA...

It has been 2 days after our Batch Retreat...I am at peace with the two people i ignored, avoided and feared...It was better than probably making out with my crush...yeah as if I knew the feeling, unfortunately at 21 I'm still a virgin lips...hahaha...Like Drew said in 50 First dAtes "nothing beats the first kiss"! And so anyway, I told him that I really liked him but you know what, I couldn't bring myself to tell him that I did actually love him...It was hard to say the word love. For me it would seem as if I'm extremely hopeless and void of inspiration. Oh well, the only consolation to my very "Loser" act is that in spite of me crying, I aslo saw tears in his eyes...maybe because of pity, I don't know. I don't actually read minds especially his...after the weeping and feeling of emptiness comes an unexpected candle from my constant bickering buddy!hehehe...didn't expect him to give me one...^_^ and the night ended with a deep realization that "God does exist", that time does heal, that I am not a cynic, that I couldn't stay angry for a very long time and that I am now free of any pain and anger that I tried to eradicate but eventually shadowed my mornings. I was so happy, taking pictures with friends and schoolmates that I ended up gulping the gin my classmate handed over. It was only one shot then I got into the shower before enjoying the night singing and taking more pictures...I even got a great massage from someone unexpected. The following day, with uplifted spirits, I honestly wrote to my batchmates what I actually see in them. Its hard to describe someone in writing, its even harder to listen to all those complements they told me during our "Circle of Life" session where one plays Zacheus and the other Jesus.

^_^bing told me however not think too much of **** but rather enjoy every second I spend with him even if it means putting up with all those stories of girls I know and girls I do not know of, even if it means that I have to keep on retracting every teasing he'll throw at me and even if I lead him to still believe that I like this guy that eventually is way far from the person that he is.

^_^hanging out with him and accepting all that he is makes me realize that I like him even more. He is truly one in a million...

^_^once again I have so much to tell...
^_^once again I have a reason to smile more often than usual...
^_^once again I am urged to write songs...
^_^and finally once again I am slowly believing that God does create wonderful Love stories in HIs time...

Peace out!

So what am I feeling these days?

More of jitters...

our group's project will be checked on Feb. 27, 2006 9:30 am to be exact...

we don't communicate that much anymore...

violence still exists in tc...

i have this bad feeling that what happened last december will happen this december...

once again paranoia sets in...

Without music life would be a mistake.

-Friedrich Nietzsche

good morning...

its 9:12 and my mind is spinning on ideas and things to do...haven't had break fast yet and here i am browsing the net already...i was kind curious of something when i woke up this morning...if you're asking what it is just ask me personally...its kinda personal...

anyway, im looking for ideas from different philosophies...i don't know where the interest came from but i think i'll study camus, kant and the others again...

i've been browsing pictures in friendster and it hit me...I AM MOVING ON! the feeling is not there anymore...im not even numb anymore! i guess that's great considering we'll be graduating soon, God willing...

anyway, i know i kinda promised myself i'll blog more often...il try that...

have to go though...i still have some stuff to do...

important thing is, somebody makes me smile in the morning again!

Thank you Lord!

some things are just out of my control and it sucks, it really does... but then I am grateful that they are...

God always has a reason for everything...

Dragonslayer

After such a long time Im going back to slaying dragons again...I have contemplated so many times of writing my thoughts but then most of the time, the most amazing realization comes when I am riding the jeepney or when I'm walking...I wonder what triggers these thoughts?

Anyway, I decided to blog at least 3 times a week...hahaha...as if I have internet when I move back to the apartment...

So why am I grateful today?

First of all: BECAUSE I HAVE BEEN GIVEN ANOTHER DAY TO MAKE A DIFFERENCE IN THIS WORLD!

...I finally have all my schedules for my classes which by the way only falls on MWF and one Saturday class for my Software Engineering. It took me 4 hours to get it done. Lots of lines to cut...hahaha...

...I saw Maje today and wow, I can't believe how much I miss her classes and reading her ideas in her blogspot. She just makes so much sense that it would seem as if she's writing my thoughts too...Weird isn't it? Well she asked me how things were and even brought up someone's name but then I was happy with things and finally I have let go of all the feelings of remorse that used to reside. I am glad and grateful I got through that "white squall".

...I saw my grades from the previous semester and well they're not that bad. I am thankful to all my teachers. I got through without sucking up!hahaha

...And finally the manipulators and balancers went to Don Bosco for the fabrication of their prototype and luckily they were interested in creating the 2-link arm manipulator and the ball beam balancer. That took a whole lot of weight from our shoulders...

I realized that I'm really that much into him. I mean yeah, he's nice and all!Well not just nice but a guy who possess the long gone chivalry of every male specie! That is the one thing that got me hooked! But then why is it that when I close my eyes I cannot imagine his face clearly! Yes I do miss him and hanging out and all...but then when we meet and talk, everything seems normal...Its not that normal is not good but then I don't feel the SPARKS! hahaha... I think I was just lonely...but right now that my mind is totally occupied with projects and I'm mainly surrounded by friends even on the net (kept going online and chat with Maia and Marecor!), I don't feel too depressed or deprived of care and love! haahaha...

Ah so okay, I AM NOT REALLY INTO HIM! There I have finally accepted it...

My adviser Luis emailed this to me, its nice and well worth blogging:

5 Things You Probably Never Knew or Thought About


1. At least 5 people in this world love you so much they would die for you.
2. At least 15 people in this world love you in some way.
3. The only reason anyone would ever hate you is because they want to be just like you.
4. A smile from you can bring happiness to anyone, even if they don't like you.
5. Every night, SOMEONE thinks about you before they go to sleep.
6. You mean the world to someone.
7. If not for you, someone may not be living.
8. You are special and unique.
9. Someone that you don't even know exists loves you.
10. When you make the biggest mistake ever, something good comes from it.
11. When you think the world has turned its back on you, take a look: you most likely turned your back on the world.
12. When you think you have no chance of getting what you want, you probably won't get it, but if you believe in yourself, probably, sooner or later, you will get it.
13. Always remember the compliments you received. Forget about the rude remarks.
14. Always tell someone how you feel about them; you will feel much better when they know.
15. If you have a great friend, take the time to let them know that they are great.

So the question now is, on graduation day, hopefully and God-willing, this coming March, who will I approach and Kiss?

Go figure!

IM BACK FROM THE GRAVE

There's absolutely no way you won't either fall in love for the first time now, or fall in love again with your long-term partner. Regardless, enjoy it -- either way, we all want to feel that way. Why argue when it happens?

That is my horoscope for tomorrow but Oh my, it like very timely since I don't know I have been feeling kinda like FALLING right now! OOH here I go again!

TRUTH: I'm moving on...

So falling inlove for the first time?what like those past times that I felt the IT thing wasn't real?

Im watching or half watching Jack and Bobby and caught a little glimpse of Gilmore Girls.My all time fave Saturday series...

Finished the last exams this afternoon. And finally passed our revised documents to Engr. Bandalan. We were the first group to pass our revisions. We were supposed to pass it 8 days after our grade in ComE 513 comes out which will be on Monday. But our panel wants us to submit our revised documents supposedly yesterday but she knows we were packed with exams since it was all her subjects. All that's left for me to do for this semester is our ComE 51C project.

Been around great people lately...persons who have wonderful character that also influences my views in life and has been my source of strength and laughter lately...

Aside from my all time fave housemates, fame-kate-trina-feona-the its, there's ian_hege and louise, alain and cathy, karl, benny, tonet, stanley, filden and sir luis...my groupies for the project proposal.

i hope we could keep the laughter coming...

and as for my distraction:

the lychen is vulnerable
and in his utmost distress
with that sad look in his face
i long to hold him
be the remedy that would ease the pain
but im just a rock
who'll listen to his demise
and whom he leans on to
i could not speak
what is in my heart to speak
i will be here
for him and be his rock
if he'll let me

plum13v

August 29, 2005 National Hero's Day NO CLASSES!

This song plays over and over again in my mind! I don't know why!
IM going to the apartment this afternoon...so I'll probably be gone for like a week...
Someone unexpected is on my mind lately and it seems that once again, FRIENDSHIP is in my way...But then again, I'll just enjoy whatever it is that's gonna happen...

Can't get enough of his teasing that I miss it when he's gone...
Don't want to think that something special
Can come out of this
My heart is still mending
It can't take more lies or pretendings
But I can't help being happy when he's around
even if he makes fun of me...
As long as we're talking
And he knows Im here
I'm in Cloud 9!


"Sleeps With Butterflies"

Airplanes
Take you away again
Are you flying
Above where we live
Then I look up a glare in my eyes
Are you having regrets about last night
I'm not but I like rivers that rush in
So then I dove in
Is there trouble ahead
For you the acrobat
I won't push you unless you have a net

You say the word
You know I will find you
Or if you need some time
I don't mind
I don't hold on
To the tail of your kite
I'm not like the girls that you've known
But I believe I'm worth coming home to
Kiss away night
This girl only sleeps with butterflies
With butterflies
So go on and fly then boy

Balloons
Look good from on the ground
I fear with pins and needles around
We may fall then stumble
Upon a carousel
It could take us anywhere

I'm not like the girls that you've known
But I believe I'm worth coming home to
Kiss away night
This girl only sleeps with butterflies
With butterflies
With butterflies
So go on and fly boy

What's on my mind right now?

Let me see, because of the many things to do, I don't have a single idea what to do first...

Moving out of the house this Sunday...Got to do a bit of shopping coz we need tons of stuff there...hope everything would work out fine for us...

ComE 514 project...I didn't realize how powerful matlab is up until now...

In a couple of days we're gonna start with our Proposal...data gathering, research and the like...

ComE 51C class...being project manager gives me the creeps...I mean its a huge job and well I was flattered when our teacher gave me the task but then I need to give all I've got to meet her expectations...

And you know what, in reality, this semester is the most crucial of all...We need to pass our ComE 514, 511 and 512 lecture and laboratory class to be able to graduate this March...

Too much pressure...Can I make it?

This is quite interesting because I took this test and well here's my result...It kinda says that I'm afraid of marriage...well as of now I'm not...eventhough I haven't seen or met my soulmate yet, I'm looking forward to getting married someday...but not now...got lots of things to accomplish before entering that stage...

Why am I writing again?

Well for one my teacher in Philo 36 and Philo 25 inspired me to do so...how? well I visited her site and kinda nodded my head on the reality and sensibility of her words...It was as if she was talking for my sake coz everything she wrote made sense to me and it was something that I could relate to...It kinda made me realize that I miss her and her company and her words...She's a great teacher and I think she's like Robin Williams in Dead Poet's Society for me...and Im her student...well I was but not anymore...But I know I will keep on learning through her words...If her favorite philosopher is Immanuel Kant, well she is mine...hehehe:)

Anyway, the second reason is that I just want to share that I'm kinda enjoying my days...my hopefully final year in college...why?coz I'm having great company and because I have so many things to do, exams to study for, chores to accomplish, that I have no time to worry or to get depressed and remember the not so far past...And I'm singing once again in Church...and it feels so good to sing for God! It brings out the voice that's long hidden inside me...and it uplifts my spirit that all the bad feelings I have would eventually be vanished...

You should try it sometime, sing your heart out for God!It really is better than singing on stage with a standing ovasion and an encore!

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free.

In love, you feel the most alive when things are straight-forward, and you're told that you're loved.

You'd like to your lover to think you are loyal and faithful... that you'll never change.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please.

Your ideal relationship is comforting. You crave a relationship where you always feel warmth and love.

Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.

You think of marriage as something that will confine you. You are afraid of marriage.

In this moment, you think of love as commitment. Love only works when both people are totally devoted.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

I visited one amazing blog site and she wrote this and it hit me...I really needed a message from someone to uplift my spirits...God bless the one who posted this...

"Be faithful eventho the nature of everything around us is to cause us to be unfaithful......."



Do more than exist. Live.

Do more than hear. Listen.

Do more than agree. Cooperate.

Do more than grow. Bloom.

Do more than spend. Invest.

Do more than think. Create.

Do more than work. Excel.

Do more than share. Give.

Do more than decide. Discern.

Do more than consider. Commit.

Do more than forgive. Forget.

Do more than help. Serve.

Do more than coexist. Reconcile.

Do more than sing. Worship.

Do more than think. Plan.

Do more than dream. Do.

Do more than see. Percieve.

Do more than read. Apply.

Do more than recieve. Reciprocate.

Do more than choose. Focus.

Do more than wish. Believe.

Do more than advise. Help.

Do more than speak. Impart.

Do more than encourage. Inspire.

Do more than add. Multiply.

Do more than change. Improve.

Do more than reach. Stretch.

Do more than ponder. Pray.

Do more than just live.


I hope I shared something of value to you and that it may be able to guide you in these times of chaos...

1. What color is most reflective of you?
-- purple

2. How did you get the idea for your
friendster name?
--it's my real name

3.What time were you born?
-- around 1:10 am

4.What song are you playing now, or wish
you were playing?
-- MYMP

5. Has the death of a celebrity ever made
you cry?
--nah.

6.What color of underwear are you wearing right
now?
--GREEN

7. Do you want a baby?
-- YEP, SOMEDAY

8.What does your mom do for a living?
--she's a SECRETARY

9. What does your dad do for a living?
--HE'S A BOOKING SALESMAN

10. What is your pet's name?
--KJ, YUNA AND WHITEY

11. What color are your bedsheets?
--GREEN

12. What are the last 4 digits of your
phone number?
--0638

13. What song are you playing now?
--i think this has been asked already!?

14. What was the last concert you
attended?
--BAMBOO, SINULOG 05

15. Who was with you?
--LESLIE, RHOD AND JHE-AR

16. What was the last movie you saw?
--kung fu hustle.brainless yet entertaining.

17. Who do you dislike most at this
moment?
-- SURPRISINGLY, NO ONE AS OF THE MOMENT

18. What food are you craving right now?
--CADBURRY'S ALMONDS

19. Did you dream last night?
-- NAH, WASN'T ABLE TO SLEEP...

20.What was the last tv show you
watched?
--TRU CALLING

21.What is your fave piece of jewelry?
-- MY DANGLING STAR EARRINGS

22. What is to the left of you?
--DINNER TABLE

23. What was the last thing you ate?
--PORKCHOP AND AMPALAYA

24. Who is your best friend of the
opposite sex?
-- JHE-AR

25. Write a song lyric that's in your
head?
--

26. What song is that from?
-- Boulevard of Broken Dreams by Greenday

27. Who last IMed you?
--NO ONE

28. Where is your signifigant other right
now?
-- none.

29. Do you have a crush?
-- yupyupyup

30. What is his/her name?
-- not worth going into trouble for

31. What shampoo do you use?
--pantene

32. When was the last time you cut your
hair?
--last month

33. Are you on any meds?
--nah

34. Do you have a mental disease?
-- i hope not. i like to think i'm pretty normal.

35. What shirt are you wearing?
--my juniors shirt...from my high school

36. What time is it?
-- 10:12 pm to be exact

37. What color is your razor?
--sea green

38. What is your fave frozen treat?
--ice cream

39. Are you sexy?
-- hell yeah!

40. Whats your favorite shopping store?
--not such a fan of shopping...

41. Are you thirsty?
-- just a little bit

42. Can you imagine yourself ever getting
married?
-- yep, actually i dreamt it already

My cousin Claudette emailed this to me and I just want to share it with you...so enjoy reading...

And by the way, a fellow from a very far away place inspires me nowadays...

God bless my new found friend...

Why aren't you married?
Why aren't you married?
and the very, very popular:
Why aren't you married?
... give or take another 999,999,997 more such questions.

Unfortunately, I can’t fix you up with any cute guys or girls to help you avoid these questions in the future. However, I can fix you up with some good snappy comebacks to fling at anyone who dares to question your single status.

So, next time somebody dares to ask you that “Why aren't you married?” question, pause, smile sagaciously (I love that word; it means “wisely”), and offer up one of the following. Or, just review them for your own personal satisfaction.

1. In the beginning, there were no elliptical trainers or low-fat/high-fiber muffins, and so people lived to only about 40-something. Maximum. Meaning, the pressure was on to get married before age 25. However, today, thanks to medical advances, we can all hope to live to 80. Easy. Meaning? Even if we marry at age 40, that's still 35, 45, even 55 years to be with a mate. Plenty of time to be married. What's the hurry?

2. Married people are not necessarily better catches simply because they were caught. I mean, have you taken a look at some of the married people out there? Seriously. Even Frankenstein got married. Obviously married people are not superior people.

3. Meanwhile, look at some of our cool single role models:
Catwoman: Single.
Buddha: Single.
The Lone Ranger: Single.
Actually, virtually all superhero types are single: Superman, Wonder Woman, Dudley Do-Right. And then there’s The Ultimate Superhero: God—also single.

4. Plus, when you think about it, there’s no such thing as a Stepford Single Woman.

5. Why limit myself to being dissatisfied by one relationship when I can be dissatisfied by an infinite variety?

6. It’s interesting how our culture has the _expression “happily married,” but no _expression “happily single.” And those words are 100% certified by the US Census Bureau. Statistics show that although married men are reported to be happier than single men (surprise, surprise!)—single women are reported to be happier than married women (also a big surprise, surprise!). Meaning? This only furthers the irony that single women are branded as "unhappy” and “lonely” and “loser-esque"—when single women are just boldly holding out for the right situation, rather than getting married just to get married.

7. It's easy to become married. Millions of people do it every year. If you want to pressure me to become something, hey, why not pick something a little more challenging—like an astrophysicist.

8. True love is rare. That's why it's called "love" and not "really like" or "settling." And why we don't say: "I’m settling for you, honey" over candlelit dinners. True love is worth waiting for…and that’s what I’m doing.

Its been quite a while since I had this feeling again...you would think na love2x nasad ni noh?well not really...

I just seem to enjoy my subjects and teachers now more than ever...am i making any sense here? i don't know, it all seems so easy, the comprehension, the time, the moments of being all alone just fits in perfectly...its like in my 4+ years of college i have never felt so interested with what i do until lately...

Oh well I don't understand myself most of the time...

When someone says he misses me, especially if its the person I least expect...I would really go gaga over it...

And you know what happened?

I wrote a song...

I just hope that guys wouldn't keep on playing with a girl's heart. Its so taxing, the process of falling in and out of the love spell. But it seems that its a natural feeling, even if its not meant to be...Right?

For now, il probably stick to my plan of putting my focus on one goal only...and that is

TO GRADUATE THIS COMING MARCH!

crazybeautiful dancing on the moon...

AND SO HERE I AM...

I love change...its so overwhelming at this time that i cannot even properly describe how it really feels to be this free...

Classes has started but then my sched is not that hectic yet thanks to the conference the Comp E teachers are having every 10:30-12:00. My class is still at 12:00 at the AS building.Oh well, Im gonna enjoy this week coz I'd probably be up on my sleeves with lots of things to do next couple of months or so.

If I hadn't gotten to my 5th year I wouldn't have known personally my batchmates. I was always stuck with the same people, hanging out at the canteen. More like isolating myself from the rest of the TC population. But now, not anymore... Every single so-called barkada I had before had gone off to a different direction. Me? Im still the same ol' me...hehehe

Anyway, I'd better get back to researching for a possible thesis...its gonna be one hell of a rollercoaster ride...

Peace out!

crazybeautiful holding one's dagger!

My class sched is crazy...I have no choice but take those subjects because there's no other sched...

Anyway, no matter how much I try to evade the SUBJECT of you-know-who everybody including the teachers seems to keep bringing it up...Can't they understand that I don't want any trouble? Is it too much to ask? LEAVE ME ALONE! They seem to slap the whole idea into my face! I'm trying to be a very PRIVATE person...*sigh*

Oh well, you know maybe I'll swear off guys for a while...

Up until I graduate...

By then, maybe if I get lucky enough I'll bump into my PRINCE in Boracay...

hehehe...

SO IM ON MY LAST TERM...
I'm looking forward to sleepless nights cramming for exams, typing like crazy finishing my thesis and working on the prototype...Drowning myself with coffee...
I'm looking forward to losing some of this extra weight.
I'm looking forward to another semester of adventure and hopefully fun...
I'm looking forward to living in an apartment...I bet that would be difficult considering there's lots of things to do other than our project...Like doing laundry, cleaning the toilets, cooking, paying rent, electricity and water...
I'm looking forward to replenishing my issues...

Finally IM FREE...

LESSONS FROM STARWARS EPISODE III: REVENGE OF THE SITH

Well the movie was really action packed and I kept grabbing my seat coz it seemed that every time their ships launch the movie theatre would shake…. Anyway, the main reason for every thing that’s happened mainly, the turning of Anakin Skywalker into Darth Vader, is LOVE! Well to make the long story short: TOO MUCH LOVE CAN BE DESTRUCTIVE, THEREFORE TOO MUCH LOVE IS EVIL! Would you agree?

Got me and the rest of us trainees extended till June 11th. I don’t know we just seem to enjoy our work. Traveling here and there, fixing things, learning more!

Got back on reading love stories…It seems that I wanted to feel the tingles again lately. I don’t know however what triggered the eagerness!

Summer is almost over! Wow could not believe it went by so quickly with out me having to shed off a few pounds but rather gained some! But still life is beautiful! But you know Im never this eager to go back to school! I JUST WANT TO GRADUATE... And hopefully by March of next year I would be able to achieve that goal.

My new HT happens to ignore the fact that I exist. Oh well I can't do anything about it coz I probably would not see him anymore since summer is almost over!

Moving on, got tons of report ot finish and well I'm kinda planing on extending my training at Globe! I truly love the job! Its tiring but really exciting and fun.

Gotta go!

Chill...

IM A WORKING GIRL!

I'm here at Globe Innove Plaza, 5th floor, Network Ops/Transmission WLL department!it so happened that the secretary, Gene went to Manila for a week to attend a conference and the ILAW Awards. She and the supervisors asked me to take over! I kinda got the hang of things since all I do is receive and send fax, get signatures and log papers on the log books...well it was very mind bogling at first but then, hey I'm a fast learner...

Anyway, our trip to singapore was great...once again acquired lots of experiences while I was there...maybe il get to write it the next time i blog...

well as for now, im truly inspired by this one guy whom i just recently met...he's got a great character and very hard working. oh i know here i go again...right? there's no end to this falling in and out of love...but this is not love...its just going there!

SUMMER CRAZE AGAIN!
So what am I up to these days?

Since last Wednesday I have been out all day long having my ojt at Globe Innove! I have to admit that I still don't like the scorching heat but eventually I have to get used to it as my job requires to stay under the heat for like 30 mins to an hour! We go around the city to fix dsl connections! although this is not what my major requires of me but heck, i want to experience what its like to really expose yourself in real work...we still get to have hands on...I finally understood the concept behind LAN and DSL...
Anyway, Paypims you are right! I have made all possible ways to make the most of my college life...I have gone through a lot of shocking events! and believe me, it wasn't easy! but you know, this heart is strong so I guess that leaves me, still moving forward!coz you know NOT TRYING TO MOVE ON means SUICIDE!
What I wanted the most for the first semester is to get away...GET AWAY FROM THE PEOPLE WHO I THOUGHT WERE TRUE! but they ended up being just some stranger who without second thoughts or whatever will do their best to hurt you and bring you down!DAMN, I shouldn't have fooled myself of the notion that the friendship we shared was unique and blessed. I thought that I had found myself in their company but here I am, searching for myself again in other people's companionship...
And so anyway, have one more year to go and I'm outta here...
First Love
Hikaru Utada

Chords: [open] EADGBe
[Bm] 024432 [C/D] xx0010 [CM7] x35343 [D] xx0232
[Ds4] xx0233 [Em] 022000 [G] 320003 [G/D] x55430


Intro:

G D Em G/D
CM7 C/D G G


Verse:

G D
Saigo no KISU wa
Em G/D
TABAKO no flavor ga shita
CM7 C/D G G
Nigakute setsunai kaori
Em Bm
Ashita no imagoro niwa
CM7 Ds4
Anata wa doko ni irun darou
Em Bm CM7 CM7
Dare wo omotterun darou


Chorus:

G D
You are always gonna be my love
Em G/D
Itsuka dareka to mata koi ni ochitemo
CM7 C/D
I'll remember to love, you taught me how
G D
You are always gonna be the one
Em G/D
Ima wa mada kanashii love song
CM7 C/D G G
Atarashii uta utaeru made


Interlude:

CM7 C/D G G


Verse:

G D
Tachidomaru jikan ga
Em G/D
Ugokidasou to shiteru
CM7 C/D G G
Wasuretakunai koto bakari
Em Bm
Ashita no imagoro niwa
CM7 Ds4
Watashi wa kitto naiteru
Em Bm CM7 CM7
Anata wo omotterun darou


Chorus:

G D
You will always be inside my heart
Em G/D
Itsumo anata dake no basho ga aru kara
CM7 C/D
I hope that I have a place in your heart too
G D
Now and forever you are still the one
Em G/D
Ima wa mada kanashii love song
CM7 C/D CM7 Ds4
Atarashii uta utaeru made


Chorus:

G D
You are always gonna be my love
Em G/D
Itsuka dareka to mata koi ni ochitemo
CM7 C/D
I'll remember to love, you taught me how
G D
You are always gonna be the one
Em G/D
Mada kanashii love song
CM7 C/D G G
Yeah, now and forever


Coda:

G D Em G/D
CM7 C/D G G

ooh I love this song...I'm trying to learn Japanese now!That reminds me, I should get my book from Tonette!
C yah guys!have a great summer!

alright i should admit...he's sweet all along...just don't know if he's only like that to me or to every single girl in school...aargg....hate what he's doing to me coz i kinda told myself im not interested in him! i don't want to swallow my own vomit...that would be awfully disgusting...

anyway, i don't know but hanging out with guys and hearing what they had to say about girls like as if im not one myself made me rethink my trust on guys...yes they're my friends, very close ones at that but then it seems that they don't respect our kind that much...

am i turning into a man-hater?
i hope not...

im still looking forward to that guy who's gonna come along soon...as what gera told me when she read my palm...all the things she told me already happened except for that last one...

well im still waiting in vain...
don't know who im waiting for though
but then im still hopeful!

okay maia...to answer your question...how am i supposed to explore college before its too late...well guess what, you're gonna help me...now why should it be you?coz well the rootofallthings are the kind of people i need...the free spirited ones...the persons wouldn't be afraid to take that rollercoaster ride over and over again...and marecor just told me that you guys are very empathic...hehehe...

anyway, project making tonight...hope we could finish this within this week...

i can't wait to get away for the summer...

someone's been on my mind lately...i don't know he just seems so sweet this week...and the week before...but then doyle's voice kept ringing in my ear!

AYAW LAGI BUTANGIG COLOR ANG PANGBUHATON SA MGA TAO NIMO KAY IKAW RAY MASAKITAN!

well, what can i say, im just a girl!

il be very brief...

the next few weeks' going to be crazy...

i dont feel i deserve her friendship...sometimes im okay with things, sometimes im not...is it because i havn't fully accepted the whole situation? still felt like she took something away from me...well she changed my entire life in just a snap of a finger...i think i needed it to explore college before its too late...somehow im thankful coz the situatioin made me stronger.we're still best of friend but then i still fear that someday im gonna be another reason...

anyway, what should i do with this? kept avoiding them/her in school... im like a nomad...

how could i stand going overnights making projects?

focus...

got lots of stuff to do...better get going coz i still have 2 chapters to study for our data com.

things i look forward to nowadays:
getting my ass out of tc.
going home.
my father's birthday.
my aunty baggy's arrival.
end of my 4th year.
ping's arrival.
molly's wedding.
singapore tour.

i guess that's about it for now...

God bless to all...

"The greatest gift is not found in a store nor under a tree,
but in the hearts of a true friend."
i hope that true friend exists within this life time of mine.

Im confused as ever...I know where I'm going but who am I supposed to trust along the way? Some people say that they are my friends but do they really care?Do they even know how I truly feel right now?Maybe its better this way, I have no one close in school...No definite group to belong to...A total Nomad for that matter...
I am selfish, I have to admit...these past few days I have been thinking of how I feel...but is it wrong to choose not to hurt?I guess the best way to make it alright for everybody is for me to protect my heart at the same time avoid hurting other people...I think and feel too much...I think that's my biggest problem...anyway, I know this blog is full of emotions, might be even full of shit!but then this is my blog and therefore this is my shit and anyone who has a problem with that then don't read...

Am I becoming bitter?I hope not...

God bless to all!

Just finished my lunch and I got the most wonderful news ever...going home for lunch has its disadvantages and lots of advantages...had to go to my mom's office to get the key but i glad i took that excrutiating ride under that extreme heat...i got in the house and read my aunt's email...

anyway here i am, all alone but happy...

here i am, with out a companion but contented...

here i am, still searching for myself amidst the people who don't expect too much of me...but they are there...for no reason whatsoever...they are open to any kind of conversation...they may or may not judge you but then who cares? so as long as they don't hurt me, I'll be fine with total strangers...

I am not lost. I may not have anyone to call my own but then I know where I am going....

so long for now...superficials....

Have this lump in my throat...

I can't trust anyone anymore!

My friends are getting narrower...

Till there's just me...

And my shadow!

Another day to look forward to?

Well a thought came to me lately that I think I am crazy...Well who wouldn't tell that to themselves wherein almost everybody has his or her dilemma to face...But believe me if you could only venture my mind you'd understand why I say something like that to myself...

Oh well, so much for my follies...

I'm listening to A Perfect Circle right now, their music is kinda twisted but on the good side...I don't know, its like it makes you relax...the guitars are great and the vocals is splendid...The first time I heard it at my friend's house I liked it right away...I think I'm becoming peculiar when it comes to choosing my music...

What's for lunch?
butter croissant...is that the right spelling?hehehe

I finally watched THE NOTEBOOK yesterday with my mom...and well my soft side took over and I cried...But I'm glad I cried..Why did I cry? Well because of the realization that there is really that someone who is destined for us...And that maybe my prince charming is from another planet...but then I thought why would I look?When I search I end up finding and then getting hurt which means I really hadn't found that prince charming yet.A guy told me that the person whom you truly love would never become yours...I hope its not true coz if that is the case then marriage is bullshit right?I mean, how could you marry someone you don't love?Could you even stand to sleep(literally speaking) with that person? But why do I choose to love in the first place?Why did I allow myself to gamble my heart instead of using my head and cut the crap of wishful thinking?BECAUSE IM JUST SO FULL OF HOPE! And what do I get from all of this? I FOUND MYSELF AGAIN...I kinda lost it when I was so blinded by the thought that *Tooot* likes me...But then he doesn't and man did that suck...Then Maia's words kept on whispering to me: "ITS NOT YOUR LOSS"...those powerful words of Ms. Donsen kept me alive...

Oh well, life for Vanessa must go on because maybe I wasn't placed on earth to love him...I was made to love somebody else...

Watch the movie with an open mind and heart, you'll like it...

And hey, Meet the Fockers is now showing...Wanna watch it with me?

God bless to all!mwaah...

SO AM I OKAY?

Well for now I am since I got most of my exam in ComE 423 lecture...it was like revenge of the nerds thing...hehehe...

Everything seems okay, I'm such a good pretender...

To JOhn:

please don't put me in the same situation you placed me this afternoon while we were having our Sosci class...to answer your query, yes my HT was there...he's with me all the time...gets?

anyway, I'm done watching MY LITTLE BRIDE and its another korean hit...highly recommended by moia!

condemn me all you want
im just being human
feeling the pain
and pretending that
it would not affect me
but then i do cry
when i am alone
with my maker
so condemn me all you want
i don't give a damn
im just human
who made a huge mistake
of falling inlove
~plum~

What is independence?Could I have it for my self?Could I live my life without having to depend on anyone else but me?Would it be a sign of loneliness?HOw do I feel right now?IM VERY NUMB!I know I feel something Im just not sure what it is...And you know what I don't really care what anyone has to think!I don't want to talk about what happened but I want this emotions to get out before I become such a cynical,pessimistic person. Do I have the right to blame THEM/HER/HIM for what Im going through right now?And the funny thing is they seem to think of how I feel but in reality it wouldn't matter!Am I a love poacher?As what the psychologist in our Social Science class discussed...HUMAN LOVE POACHING is the new trend nowadays...what the hell is that?it is when a person bolts into a relationship...and either steals the boy or the girl...I wouldn't steal anything...or anyone!im not a theif nor a BITCH!I wish I was so that I wouldn't feel this way!it is better to be normally bad than try hard not to be!what am I saying?if you're confused with all this shit that I'm writing then so am I!And somehow I've come to hate the song Fallin'!I used to like it but it kinda plays everytime I'm with him riding in her car!what a scene!couldn't have been so perfect!I don't usually swear but just give me this chance to just say anything!I hope writing is therapeutic!That after today I would once again go back to my same ol bubbly self!My world is crashing down on me but it seems that I'm carrying it on my shoulders and not letting it fall down completely!I need coffee, beer, vodka what ever!Will I get through this?I don't know!And like john I want to graduate and fly off to Portland and forget every single person I was attached to in college!Just forget that they exist that I existed with them!and that they used to mean the whole world to me!now spoof!NOTHINGNESS!

Everyday's the same I feel them merge
I try to separate, resist the urge
But they tell me I'll be fine
That it will all get better
Just try to write it down
Or put it in a letter

But the words won't play
And there's no easy way to say
Goodbye, goodbye

Keep my head on straight and don't look down
With all I've pushed away, I'm losing ground
But they tell me I'll be fine
That it will all get better
Just try to write it down
Or put it in a letter

But the words won't play
And there's no easy way to say
Goodbye, goodbye

And from the sidelines
Watch me fall down

And I don't understand the things I do
But I'll probably be fine
As long as I keep moving
I'll try to write it down
So things just keep improving
Still the words won't play
Cause there's no easy way to say
GOODBYE, GOODBYE

IM a new person as the new year starts...and thus just expect the unexpected...my old self died along with my heart...gudbye...

hi everyone, i know its kinda late and i still have a 730 class tomorrow with our oh so irritating english teacher...but anyway the past week was well kinda windy on my part...i think im battling sort of like mixed emotions. more like fear of losing someone...here goes my paranoia again...imagine, i thought that u-know-who is drifting away from me...and whats worst is that i kinda thought that my close friend lace was one of the factors of me losing him...like i ever had him...but anyway, talked to lace already and told her about what i thought and she said it was absurd!of course it is...i kinda regret that doubting part coz she has been my constant companion, guide, confidante call it what ever you want!she has been with me through thick and thin...and she knows me inside and out! i apologized and i do hope she understood me...my computer seems to be having its moods too...i had formatted this one 3 times already within the past 2 weeks...i guess it just needs to let me practice my compe skills...i have a long quiz in my OS tomorrow and i havnt finished reading the book and the slides...and right this very moment im installing yahoo messenger...i hope this works...didnt realize it took me this long to install it...by the way my old friend Ma. Karla "kai" Bautista got into the magic 5 of Ms.World 2004 held at China...im so proud of her...finally, to all those who read my crazy thoughts, i just want you to know that there's always a reason for everything...

and so in one of the friendster bulletin he wrote:

the only thing that defines love is just the reason
why you're still breathing here on earth, because
of the love of many, from the moment you where
born, untill this day,I tell you, love is always with
you, yeah yeah call it crap or anything, dont be like
those wise and lonely people, because whatever
you do, this things are really true...and i know you
know these, you're just walking blind... If you are
looking for love, would you recognize it if you
found it... wake up fool, you're mind is poisoned
by your own pride. you're so bookish, you easily
beleive in things that you feel its right just
because these people are the ones who stand up
what they beleive, are the things you stand for are
really the things you really do beleive, I tell you,
not even one of them can really explain the word
love, because love aint a word it aint in the book,
it can't be written, it would take mans entire life to
let him understand what love truly is... say I'm
wrong, I dont care, but someday you'll know, when
tears fall down, say you'll never cry, you're lying,
when that happens,when its tears of joy or sorrow
even the most f***ing miserable thing would
come, you'll say "Its that all you got!!!"


why am I sure he wrote this?coz i don't know actually...i just have this gut feeling just by reading through that he wrote this..so you see, its really hard for me to read his mind...kinda strange how it works!

it was a crazy day...its one of those days wherein i tell myself that there are a whole lot of things i should be grateful for. it was weird coz it seemed that my mind is not functioning that well...i couldn't even be critical for our sosci 6 lecture...i really have no idea why.but anyway i got through my day without shedding a tear. that's hopeful isnt it?

sometimes i would ask myself why i have to like him so much...

forgive me for babbling about him again...i know this topic is boring you but then honestly speaking, his scent is the only thing that crosses my mind right this very moment...

have to sleep but im still waiting for my downloaded files to finish downloading...

good night and God bless!

went to school today and well just hang out for a while...nothing much to do there since we still don't have classes...you know how engineering students are...

nothing much to do here at home except be on the net...browsing through the archives of ultimate-guitar.com looking for tabs to practice on...

i kept having these awful headaches lately... i think i needed to get my eyes checked again...or i might have brain tumor or something...

na just kidding...

took this quiz in gurl.com and here's my result:

Your dominant element is wood. The ancient Yin-Yang scholars saw wood types as true nature lovers--could you happily do without a TV? Wood people are generally very driven, eager to be the best at whatever they do. They just need to remember not to get too frustrated if things don't turn out exactly as planned...
The nature of wood is embodied in a tree. Wood encourages a tendency to aim high while at the same time keeping your feet firmly on the ground. Trees grow patiently. The element of wood helps us to plan things in a logical and practical way. Trees often try to outgrow each other to get the best light and to develop the strongest roots. The wood element therefore encourages a competitive attitude.

Natural environments inspire the positive qualities of wood. But the high buildings of a city can also stabilize the connection between the sky and the ground.

A windy climate is best for wood as it helps blow old leaves off the twigs and branches and stimulates new growth. The color that is associated with wood is green.

Wood types enjoy sour treats.

NOTE: Wood types tend to be either tall like trees or short like bushes. They often have strong eyebrows or a prominent jawline.

im really not sure if all of these are true...bsta these are my results...

by the way, check out vanessa carltons video, she's a wonderful dancer...

someday im gonna learn ballet...

but for now, im gonna recall our past dances to get into shape. me, leslie and glynnee are planning to go on a jogging date every saturday morning...hope it works...

till here lang sa kay im kinda tired and sleepy...nap time baby...

tc and God bless!

peace out!

And so my eventually fruitful sembreak ended with a peaceful staying at home...nah, i didn't become a huge coach potato...i went about doing most of my household chores.the only thing that made me a bit crazy is that i have to spend most of my time all alone at home. the dvd's are running a little low so i have no more movies to watch. im reading "Bourne Supremacy" but that don't work too much coz there are parts of the book that seems oh so boring...but then off to my last resort, my beloved GUITAR. I learned lots of songs with the help of tabs. I even recorded it on tape with recorder my aunt sent me.

I have to make a crucial decision before the class starts and I really have no idea how to go about making it. It all depends on how I feel and well what my mind tells me also coz I don't want to believe in lies anymore. Even if those lies suffice my craving for attention and would probably satisfy my all time fantasies. But then who needs to be reminded that the world is CRUEL and that it is possible that fate does exist and *** is just not part of my destiny. Well he probably is but then not the prince charming type. YOu know what I mean...However, in my utmost dismay with myself, with all the things I've realized over the time I spent being lonesome here at home, I still feel strongly for the guy... But then I have succeeded self control coz I didn't contact him the past 3 days. That would be a start right? I mean people who knows my story would say I should stay away. maybe I should, just for a little while. And that means I have to open myself up to other people and get my very own life, a life without him in it. I could not begin to imagine it. Damn, I think I've fallen deep...Catch me, somebody!

The pics of our weekend vacation are now available at bastina13v.blogspot.com! just try to refresh the page if the pics don't show up.Okay?

tc and God bless...

You Are Boy Shorts! You're stylish, trendy, but not over the top. You know how to look good - without looking like you're trying too hard. Men think that you're cute, friendly, and approachable. And you've got a spunky, fiesty side that comes out after a while! What Kind of Panties Are You? Take This Quiz :-) Find the Love of Your Life (and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance.

You Are Vanilla Ice Cream! What Flavor Ice Cream Are You? Take This Quiz :-) Find the Love of Your Life (and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance.

while waiting for this thing to load i took some quizzes...anyway its like one more day to go and hello beach...im coming home...hehehe...well not really coz its not my hometown...anyway, you know what's weird maybe i really do need to go coz lots of signs occurred days before like when I watched 50 first dates, which by the way is a pretty good movie one should see, the setting was in HAWAII...sand, sun and beach...still don't get it? well here's another, I downloaded a skin which is that of Blue Crush...still sand, sun and beach...anyway, Im supposed to be taking a bath right now coz im going to my grandmom's house to get somethings done...well to get the digi cam that is...hehehe...then im going to my pedicurist and get my pedicure...my toes are, nevermind...well im out of things to type...gotta go...

c ya next week...

"life is short, have some fun"

here i am all alone, no one to talk to...

SEMBREAK: DILEMMA OR VACATION???

I don't know about you but i think im having fun with my sembreak...finally I could get some sleep and sleep in a decent bed at that! not to mention stay at home the whole day and I could finally clean the house and do whatever it is I like to do...
Anyway just went to Ayala and i was kinda thinking of walking around all by myself and enjoy the feeling of being alone in a mall but then I saw leslie...and of course if leslie is around, then rhod couldn't be that far...the two are totally unseparable. as what i told leslie in one of my emails, i am happy for her but then i also fear the unevitable lonely moments..but then i figured, manuel, ben and glynnee are still around so I won't have to spend my free time all by myself...back to the issue at hand: SEMBREAK! We're planning on going back to Daan Bantayan for leslie's birthday...Im kinda excited coz, you know how much I love the BEACH! not to mention the company of people who shares my enthusiasm in life...i just hope my parents would let me go...

Had a long talk with Doyle last night and I realized I kinda miss our conversations...again he shed some light into my desolate mind...he told me not to expect anything from anyone to avoid getting hurt...that is oh so true...but then again, I wish it were that easy...NOT EXPECTING...the problem is, i always end up DAYDREAMING of those wonderful possible moments that would liven up my life...how could i not expect?arrg...

i think i have complained enough...till next time...

weak

my hands are sweaty
but they are cold
the blood in me is rising
as I tried to unfold
the things i wanted you to know
the words i kept hearing my heart say
that you make me weak
every single day
those indecent stares
burns my skin like fire
and that smile
fills me up like honey
in a jar
should i submit to your liking?
id say i will
could i endure this feeling
of loving you still...

~plum~

took some quizzes and here are my results...

Your Power Color Is Blue Relationships and feelngs are the most important things to you.You are empathetic and accepting - and good at avoiding conflict.If someone close to you is in pain, it makes you hurt as well.You try to heal the ones you love with your kind and open heart.

You Are Summer! OutgoingFriendlyFlirtyCuteFun

You Are Ashlee Simpson! Stylish, unique, talentedYou're your own woman!"It seems like I can finally rest my head on something realI like the way that feels" Find the Love of Your Life (and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance.

the semester is almost over and im still on the verge of holding my breath coz i still have pending NC's on my subjects...anyway visited one of the blogspots and came upon an article about selfishness...what he wrote made sense and well even if i know that you already know most of the stuff written there but it won't hurt if you take a peek at it...just click on the fullmetalartist at my links...

this has been one hell of a sem and the only thing i could say is that i have learned a lot, experienced most of it and am well established lots of wonderful, worth keeping relationships with a couple of classmates.

i'd love to blog some more coz i have tons of things to tell but then i still have to study for my logic defense and my final exam in comE 411...

amidst the squall that paved its way into my peaceful domain
i remained firm
i choose to be faithful
because knowing that you will be by my side
takes the fear away
~plum~

I stared for a moment into the open field of silence, and pondered on the footprints that left my journey undaunted and then I realized that all those time that my world would seem to come crashing down, would seem to fall apart, a portrait of your existence lights up the very road i walk upon. Your presence illumines my sky which was once darkened by the apathy towards one's frustrations. You might ask, why do I hate myself? it is because no matter how unreachable that star is, I still stand on my toes and stretch my hand out, hoping and praying that my maker might grant my grandest wish: TO KEEP YOU! But you are merely passing by. A not so distant memory of my euphoric days. You will someday leave my circle and travel on to a different dimension. You will one day forget that I existed, you might even erase my name from your memory and I will be nothing but a speck of dust on your photo album. So I cherish every moment of tranquility when I am with you, in those frequent conversations. The day might leave us dissatisfied of what we have achieved but we are still happy people. As long as we are still bounded by the very wall we are leaning towards, I will keep you close. Closer to my heart. I will make the most of what we are, what I am to you and the time that I am blessed with.~plum~011004

My days are getting more crazy as i live on...I don't know, it seems as if I had my last drop but them here I am still moving on...

I told Exun that I wanted to stop liking/loving him...He asked me the most crucial question: Are you sure you could do it? It got me thinking, could I? Its hard for me because we are together 24/7! and whats worst is everybody kept on thinking that we're already a couple which is far from the truth...ahh... dilemma's in life....I'm listening to urbandub right now and well the music just makes me miss him...we're like brothers and sisters...I guess our sort-of-relationship is just upto that point...should I settle for that?what do you think?

anyway, its my lola's birthday today...my other grandmom, Lola Elsa, my Lola Edith's older sister...and we're having dinner at Lumpia House... My aunts wanted me to sing...I still don't know what song...

I was supposed to go to Glynnee's house coz there's a fiesta at Pardo, but then family first...
I wish I was there...

anyway, don't get too excited coz again I'll be taking a leave of absence since I've got 3 pending projects to make...

peace out...

mwaah!

my life all of a sudden became such a rollercoaster of sort of flirting...I don't actually flirt with the guys in question...its just that somehow I became close to them and the physical contact became such a normal thing for us...anyway, this left me even more confused with how I feel...

Canence is correct on the matter of getting over the certain guy!its just that almost everybody thinks I should distance myself...i wish its that easy...i do that in a heartbeat...the problem is my heart doesn't seem to comply with my decisions...

this is gonna end here kay nag ym mi...

bye...

Good Morning to all...

I was supposed to go to the bank to get a check cashed but then my mom told me she'd be the one to do it...yepee...Midterms is almost over. Still go 3 exams next week or the week after that.
Weird coz last week I almost give up on everything because my body was so exhausted and Im so emotionally drained.

Anyway someone used my chikka account and well sent some "i love u" messages to those people in my account! I don't have a single idea who did it... Some sick weirdo perhaps who's got nothing to do with his life which might be a total wreck right now that he wanted to ruin other people's life! I took my java programming exam totally disturbed of what happened. Might as well forget about it and do some damage control!

I really love to dance but last night a huge dilemma caught me by surprise! I DON'T KNOW HOW TO STRUT! It was like the most difficult routine I encountered! But as always I took it as a challenge coz hahaha...don't know I just feel like I can do anything as long as I put my heart and my mind into it.

I'm still playing this game of pretendings. Its like Im trapped in this! Gosh! It would sometimes seem that I was born to have a very lonely life...love life that is!
He sits beside me but his mind flies somewhere else...to that girl he used to know...he longs for her as much as I long for him...So I just looked at him knowing that I could have him as my company but I could never have his love or care or his attention for that matter...he is everything I wanted and more but I think God has a purpose for me...something much more than what I wanted...but for now I must detach myself from him...could that be possible?...they say nothing's impossible in this world...but why does it seem very hard for to let him go...yes he is my friend but Im tired of pretending that it doesn't bother me if he talks to me about ****...the bottom line is I AM HUMAN! Im not some robot who has no emotion whatsoever! so here I am, same ol' me, so I choose to hurt in silence and be grateful for what he could share to me...his DIVIDED attention... I know Im getting caught deeper into this and that I might get in trouble...but still I pray to God...I do not pray that he'd love me or that he'd choose me over ****(as if Im included in his choices!)but instead I pray that he'd be happy with her, that he would not be hurting, that she would inspire him to do more with his life...That's the least I could do aside from being around when he needs some company...How I wish I sat in another row 2 semesters ago...that we didn't talk and that we didn't get along...how I wish I didn't like music so much, that I had different interests...at least totally different than his...that I live somewhere else, near the school perhaps so that we didn't share those ride home and then get the chance to talk more...I wish we didn't have common friends...I wish all these things didn't happen...I might not be hurting right now...

But as what the great philosophers say: EVERYTHING HAS ITS PURPOSE!

and so I must accept my fate and live on with my life trusting in what the Lord has in store for me...

Take care....

You are always gonna be my love
Even if your affection may wander to another
You will always be inside my heart
I hope that I have a place in your heart too

Could this be the last straw of mine?Could I still endure this?Actually Im the only person to blame because I could not seem to let him go... I don't know why...I feel so strangled and well kinda betrayed but as what Benny said, I could not blame him...

I read something today in his phone and well even if it really crushed my heart out, I still smiled and teased...yeah right as if! God, IM SUCH A PRETENDER! To you who's asking, well here's my answer...

WE don't exist...there's never us in the first place...its just a result of misconception...

I still don't know how I could avoid him or should I?

If I do, would it mean breaking a strong bond of friendship?

Or are we even friends?

What a way of inspiring my midterm exams!

TSAI: Channel your energy for the greater Glory!

java_files
glynnee

Happy 20th Birthday to Gizelle Faye "Paypims" Sembrano!!!

I know it took me forever to blog again!its just that Im kinda preoccupied with a whole lot of school work and dance practice...

A lot of things happened... All I can say is that I have had my fair share of ups and downs that I think I'm on the verge of being emotionless...I don't know, the past events made me a stronger person!

As for my inspiration, well good thing is he still does inspire me...but as always I shrug the idea of him courting me out of my mind coz I know it will never happen...maybe not this time...

Just finished typing our report on our ComE 414L and after a very tiring practice, Im still alive and kicking...had a very scary afternoon. I was cornered by such unexpected people.I just don't understand why I can't seem to lie about my feelings. I just sat there, smiled like hell and let the aliens eat me alive...anyway, in spite of bruises and sores all over, Im still glad I got in the Engr. Pop jazz...its like somehow, my dreams are slowly coming to reality...except for like a bit of...you know na...well we can't always get what we want...

You've Got a Bit of a Crush Maybe your guy friend is a crush of convenience - easy enough to happen Did you just break up with someone? Or are you more lonely than usual? If no to both, then this small crush could be the real deal. Find out if he feels the same - because he just might! Are You Crushing on Him? Take This Quiz :-) Find the Love of Your Life (and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance.

This is what maia was talking about!This is our lesson in ethics...At first I thought that Buddhism is a considerable religion...not that I have any plans changing religion but I mean the teachings are reasonable enough to poke you right in the head...just read through and reflect!


The first part of the Eightfold Noble Path is RIGHT VIEW or RIGHT UNDERSTANDING. This means knowing the Four Noble Truths.
The First Noble Truth is the knowledge that ALL that has been CREATED is IMPERMANENT. And whatever is impermanent is inherently ILL. And what is impermanent and ill is SELFLESS.
Two is the knowledge that the arising of ill is based on ignorance and it is perpetuated by the craving and intoxication for sensuality and sensations, becoming and rebecoming, delusion and ignorance.
Three is the knowledge that the CEASING of this ill that has arisen, the stopping of all future becomings, is Nirvana. True Reality realized, freed of this ill.
Four is the knowledge of the Eightfold Noble Path that leads to the cessation of this ill and to winning the goal: Nirvana. True Permanent State of Self, Permanent Changeless Absolute Reality ITSELF, Suchness, Perfect Wisdom.
The second part is RIGHT THINKING or RIGHT AIM. This means to aspire to attain realization of Perfect Wisdom, the Ultimate True Permanent Reality. To abstain from all evil acts of thought. To attain the total destruction of all cravings. To renounce all manifesting, all constructions, all that is "created" make-believe.
To develop dispassion, total detachment, absolute renunciation, self-surrender. To bring about the cessation of all "created" realities. To Self-Realize the Incomparable Awakening of Self. To win the freedom of Mind, the freedom through Perfect Intuitive Wisdom, the sane and immune emancipation of Will.
The third part is RIGHT SPEECH. To abstain from all lying speech, all perjurious speech, all evil abusive speech and all frivolous speech. To engage in speech and discussion that pertains to and leads to Nirvana, to what’s actually PERMANENT and REAL.
The fourth part is RIGHT ACTION. To abstain from all killing of all creatures. To abstain from all stealing. To abstain from all sensual and sexual misconduct. To abstain from all evil acts. To abstain from all forms of intoxication.
The fifth part is RIGHT LIVING. To abstain from all evil ways of living; to abstain from all evil methods of livelihood.
The sixth part is RIGHT EFFORT. To destroy all EVIL STATES OF MIND that have already arisen; to keep NEW evil states of mind FROM arising; to maintain and grow GOOD STATES OF MIND that have already arisen; and to make grow NEW good states of mind that have not yet arisen, such as loving kindness for ALL Beings, compassion and pity for ALL creatures, sympathetic joy and equanimity.
The seventh part is RIGHT MINDFULNESS. To contemplate as impermanent, ill and Selfless: Body, Feelings, Perception, Mind, Consciousness, Thought, Mental States, Mental Objects and Mental Activity. To grow revulsion for the world, seeing it for the decaying creation that it is, and to grow dispassion, total detachment, calm, tranquility, seeing that everything is not Self. To disregard all that is perceived, remaining aloof from both the pleasures as well as the pains arising from the creation of senses and sensuality.
The eighth part is RIGHT CONCENTRATION. Aloof from the world, aloof from evil states, aloof from all sensations from the senses, dwelling in solitude, seclusion, ardent, diligent, Self-resolute, develop one-pointedness of Mind through intense meditation and reflection.
To enter in, AND THEN TRANSCEND, eight higher states of consciousness that lead to increasing Intuitive Wisdom, Insight and Direct Super-Knowledge, and to destroying the addictions and cravings, and to realizing True Reality, effectively piercing the shell of ignorance and delusion. As one attains the higher states of Mind, Consciousness, the true nature of how things really are can be seen clearly, both intuitively and with supreme effort, by direct Super-Knowledge. True Reality unfolding, Self-Enlightenment of Self by Self.


So anyway, I'm having second thoughts on the pop jazz...Don't get me wrong, I really like to dance but then just realized that it would really require much of my time...Have to make lots of sacrifices... but then again, I still want to practice. It don't only make me loose weight but it also inspires me, in a way...hehehe...SECRET NA NA!Because of....nevermind...

I grew tired of waiting
it always makes me confused
who am I really?
to you I mean...
how long should we go on like this?
pretending nothing's happened
or yet happening...
others could see
but why can't you?
Are you that blind?
I know you're not stupid
but sometimes you are...
not that I'm blaming you
its just that...
my heart has had enough!
~plum~

Here I am again, blogging after a very long ang tiring day. My only consolation is that I get to see and hang-out with "you-know-who" and well of course my ka berks...
My everyday dilemma includes 25 units of mixed major and minor subjects and a whole lot of love problems...Well not all are mine. I think just a few but then again, why would I make our relationship a problem? If anyone should ask, I'd still say we're friends but with a little twist...Most of the time that he's with me, we talk ALOT! We never ran out of stories to tell. He'd like, poke me on the shoulder if I fell silent or pinch me then we then begin our very much awaited conversations. I like it very much when I joke around and he hugs me, well sorta like that, or puts his arm around me. It makes me feel secured!But then again, WE'RE JUST FRIENDS! I therefore conclude that he doesnt have a clue that I LIKE HIM A LOT! Of course I like him, why would I hang-out with a guy like him if I didn't enjoy every single minute of it.Right?And so in spite of my plan which is to avoid him, we end up being together all the time. But I never grow tired of being with him, laughing at his jokes, listening to his crazy and wild stories and ideas even if sometimes I just nod my head even if I didn't quite relate to it, eating out, walking home or just sitting next to him in silence. How could I ever find someone like him? For me, he's all I ever wanted in a guy and he's the one thing I could not have. D I L E M M A...What a harsh world!

I'm looking forward of going to school on Monday...

God bless!

Im still wearing my uniform as Im typing this at home. Just came home from school and well Im not that tired so I punched in some thoughts. I missed blogging everyday. So far Im still not that "busy". Anyway, Im expecting a whole lot of improvement with regards to my activities this semester. First VOT's back in action. As you have noticed in you admission slips, the admin had collected a 20 peso allotment for VOT. Finally someone placed some sense into them. Next, finally my mother allowed me to at least try out for the engineering pop jaZz...hope I could get in coz I really wanna dance before I solely focus on being a computer engineer.We won't be able to join the mobot contest on the 26th but there's still a chance come October. My classes are all fine and interesting. And I'm looking forward to my Ethics class...
As for the love of my life...KUNO! We're still the same, FRIENDS! and good thing is I had confirmed that he still doesn't have a single clue about what I truly feel for him...Im just relieved that he'd still confide on me to whatever is on his mind most especially about the girl he likes.

LM: I feel bored hanging out with you coz it seems that you have your own world!

I guess, Les that's what makes our friendship extra special...

Hey its me again...just finished eating dinner and I was supposed to finish reading the book Maje lent me. but I figured, what the heck I'll go online for just 30 minutes just to check on things...anyway I'm still feeling sobber...not on booze but on something else...IBELIEVEINATHINGCALLEDLOVE...love that song...I know I'm weird and that makes me, me...my eccentricity...if anyone has a problem with that then I'm glad to have buggled up your mind...

Once again my words are lost. I kept having these odd dreams but I'm not sure if Im in the position to interpret them. As always they seem real coz it involves people who I see everyday. I wonder if other people have the same experience...I miss my Philo class. For me that was like the only sensible part of my education...

by the way, got hooked on these two games: Shrek 2 and Nosferatu...they're both entertaining on different levels...my bro is currently playing nosferatu...to those game addicts, maybe you have tried them, maybe you haven't!Just check it out...

till next time...

what confuses me the most is the way you handled knowing how I truly feel about you...sometimes it would seem that you wanted to stay away, sometimes it would seem that your stickin' around...which ever way, I'm still a thousand time grateful for the company...~~plum~~

I'm searching for some pdf files for the datasheets for some ic's and its taking so long...anyway, I have to make this brief again since my bro's gonna use the pc to check his friendster...

it would sometimes seem back to normal except for the times when he thinks of going to *A****...the only thing that bothers me is that even if everybody else teases him but when it comes to me teasing him its like he changes the topic or shrugs it off...maybe he knows that I like him too much that even if I would seem happy teasing him, deep inside it would hurt like hell...maybe he doesn't want to hurt me.Or maybe he is just not comfortable if I'd be the one to open the topic...too many maybe's...
What if he'll all of a sudden enters this site and read my blogs...would know its all about him?nah as always he'd be clueless and well then ask me who I'm talkin about and of course I'd then lie...

good night ***...

okay so this is the second post. the first one was gone...and i kinda poured my heart on that one.
I guess its just not meant to be posted...

anyway, I'll make this short for the moment...

I have to let go of my fantasies because somehow it hinders me to grow.
I have to allow myself to meet other people and explore the huge world of the male species.
I have to stop being sorry for myself.
I have to stop depending on my friends for decisions.
I have to keep to myself what ever it is I'm feeling because I always end up being in trouble.
I have to make use of what ever I have right now.
I have to be a little more selfish, a little less sensitive.

can I do this?

i don't really know!

its just that im so tired of being myself. my friend (Doyle) always tells me to act upon
how I feel and speak as to how I think. but I always ended up keeping it to myself because
of the fear that I might hurt someone in the process...

message to my HT:

A silent cry
before I depart
into the real world of pain...

I AM HERE...

Okay so I've been gone for quite a long time...its like the end of April already but then here I am, once again born and revived...well I got busy with summer school...yeah right as if I'm that much of a student...actually, our Philo class is interesting and I had to read two books, The Alchemist and Tuesday's with Morrie...both are books about life...can't elaborate on that right now coz Im in a hurry...I'm supposed to go back to USC main for my swimming lessons... three years of lessons and I still can't finish a lap...I guess I lack the endurance in submerging myself under water....anyhow, met this interesting guy...hehehe...and yep he is a swimmer, he used to be in the varsity but then he already graduated...but don't get me wrong, Im still into ***!I'm just enjoying our friendship...and well honestly Im kinda lying low on this stuff...my friends are so into the idea of teasing and here he is going crazy over one of our classmates in PHilo...am I jealous?of course I am and man could this fact hurt...but i know hurting wouldn't get me anywhere so I'll just let it be...I am happy for him coz finally he could prove that he's not ....what others percieve him to be...and he already found the girl of his dreams...yeah right...as if!well, I guess friendship means more to me than my feelings for him...whatever this is im feeling, i hope it would all go away someday...its disturbing...and as what our teacher in Philo discussed this morning about Camus' philosophy that life is full of absurdities, well damn what im experiencing now is one good example...till next time...gotta go...