Indelible Memories

I was juggling nursing my youngest, cooking lunch and teaching my eldest her Kumon activity on verbs. While doing all that I tried to get a glimpse of what's on television, the movie Paper Towns. I didn't really get to see much of the movie or listen to all those wonderfully written dialog but towards the end I was able to zone in. You see I used to watch a lot of movies and read a lot of books. I used to get quotes from different authors and have that reflection on how it moves me and relate it to my own experiences. I still watch movies, like really watch movies when I get to have that date time with my husband who is equally interested (Thank God!). And when I have errands to run and I wait in queue for my turn I still carry a book to pass the time. But going back to the movie Paper Town, towards the end the protagonist mentioned INDELIBLE MEMORIES and said TAKE NOTICE, BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE. I noticed that he had such good friends. There are two actually. And although he had a typical high school, days were spent with such awesome experiences because he had both. Me? I had friends but not so close. Not to mention coming from an all girls high school which totally sucks by the way, it was full of intrigue and drama (to my demise). It wasn't all that bad, there were good days but insignificant ones. Now it dawned on me that I wish my daughter would have good friends growing up, especially in high school. I wish she will have genuine friendship that would last longer than her academic years. I wish that someone would go out of their way to fend for her when she is in need and would stand by her when she needs to make a major decision in life. I know we as parents won't always be there for her but if ever she will not have that kind of friendship, she always has me. Like mama was always there for me when I was growing up. I wonder how else I would make indelible memories with my kids? I am going back to work in 2 days which means I'll get to see them early in the morning and late at night. I hope I'll have the energy to play with them on the weekends. This is the time where I would say that my weekends would be sacred and solely for family. What should I be taking notice before its too late? My child's behavior? My husband's health? My father's health? My health? I wonder.

So how am I these days?

I haven't had the chance to blog again. Just now, on a quiet humid Saturday evening I sit here in our bedroom trying to figure out what to do. And then I saw my husband's laptop and thought that I so wanted to write something for months now. A lot has happened since 2014. In 2014 I was hopeful, juggling being a wife, a mother and a daughter. Not to mention a leader in a whole new different world of IT. Almost 2 years have passed and I am still juggling, trying to at least do some justice in each of the hats I wear. It's Christmas season, actually 13 days before but I haven't completed shopping for gifts yet. I am 28 weeks into my second pregnancy. I feel all sorts of discomfort; back pains, constant peeing even in the middle of the night, heavy tummy and all sorts of things I haven't noticed during my first pregnancy. Yet I am absolutely ecstatic, happy and contented. All thanks to my husband who treats me like a queen. Most of the folks I know would say that pregnancy agrees with me. They say when you're having a baby boy, you'd feel ugly and would look ugly too. But I don't feel that way. Probably because despite all the stress at work and getting stressed at how to raise my daughter and looking out for my dad and brother, I am happy.

Day 1 2014

2014... A year of hope. A year for change. It can be drastic or subtle. I basically depends on the circumstances. Important thing is I am keeping tabs on everything I do. After all the only person we have control over is ourselves. There are so many things to write about. So many lessons learned that needs to be shared. 1/365: do not waste what you have for you never know until when it is available for you.

just a thought or two...

I wish i could someday travel outside the country with hubby and Zoe...it would be fun and exciting! The urge is even greater now that my husband is leaving for Heathrow.  aarrrggg...better keep  myself pre occupied with work. 

On another note an old friend got engaged and a colleague gave birth...i am at the phase where people my age or shall we say peer group settles down and have a family of their own...somehow these news melts my heart...

Finally another weekend awaits me...more time for the little munchkin...i feel bad when im workin from home and she tugs at my leg wanting to play...if only i could stop working up until she goes to school...im not such a bad housewife...cook clean laundry take care of baby...all checked in my book...oh well wishful thinking...toodles...

Currently trying to finish 2 books...hehe

Published with Blogger-droid v2.0.6

Techy Mom

Its great they now have almost everything in mobile...even the platform I am working on is heading to that direction...and not to mention the millions of gadgets that support this cause!  I'm one of those who appeciate the fast paced world of technology because I was born in an era where emerging designs were fascinating not to mention useful...I dont have to open my desktop just to browse a recipe.

This way I can just take this small phone in our small kitchen, search for the simplest bestest recipe I could find and whip up something for the brood...

I wonder what my next cooking adventure would be!

Published with Blogger-droid v2.0.6

Back from a long Haitus

So I'm back, after more than a year of silence. Well actually a little person and this little person's dad is keeping me busy all year round. Yet I can't find myself to forget about writing. Especially now that I'm having these vivid dreams and the world is slowly turning into chaos. Not that it's not yet chaotic as it is. Moreover, marriage and motherhood adds to a new perspective of things. The little person is awake, will blog more soon!

To My Mini Me

I am looking forward to Friday because I'll be forever bound to your dad who I love so dearly.
I am looking forward to April since we'll start shopping for your stuff. I hope you won't mind that my favorite color is purple and you might get tons of those.
I am looking forward to May since I'll be spending my birthday in our new home with you inside me.
I am looking forward to June coz by then we'll see you in person and I'll get to hold you in my arms.
Be brave, be strong and be healthy... just a little more my angel.
And you'll soon see the world.

Turning a New Leaf

Happy 2011! Once again cobwebs are visible in my blogspot. Haven't done much maintenance either. My plan of changing my template every month is not that feasible anymore since I'm working my ass off for 12-14 hours a day...talk about me being workaholic. Actually I already practiced saying "NO" the past 3 months for non-work stuff but still, 12 hours is not enough to do all the delivery work. I haven't mastered the art of delegation nor time management. 4 years in the industry is not quite enough to master these vital things.

What have I actually learned the previous year? What changed in me that I could say I am a better person compared to last year?

These questions I'll ponder on for the next 4 days that I am on night shift...the only time I am since January of 2007 during my callgirl days.

Life has treated me so well last year I was finally made complete. I was blessed with so much love and care that I think its more than winning the lottery. I'm now the luckiest girl in the world, not the sad lonely loser. My future is still quite hazy but I have laid out plans and I can see the silver lining. And what's great is I am not alone in putting these plans into reality. I have an extra pair of hands, a brilliant mind and a much stronger heart which makes it more exciting.

I am turning a new leaf, another year, another exciting chapter!

Blessed year of the rabbit to all.

Au Revior A Bientot Aly

I haven’t blogged for quite sometime simply because I can’t make time to blog. There are a lot of events that happened already and I never got the chance to write about them. Okay so let’s back track to June since my last post was May. There are about 4 friends who got married last June. Amazing, it seems like it was just yesterday that we had to attend several parties for friend’s 18th birthday and now we’re attending friend’s weddings. It still makes me teary-eyed to watch the bride walk up the isle to her prince charming. I think for one, weddings are my favorite occasions. It’s a celebration of love. And me being a self-confessed romantic would surely pine on such occasions.

The highlight of my July was of course my long awaited Bohol-Manila vacation. I had the chance to travel with Alyssa for the last time before she left for the US, I was able to hang out with my cousins: Bing, Van2x and Yanyan and almost took the plunge in Danao Bohol but ended up doing the suislide...I know such a coward...probably next time coz I'm on a tight budget and the plunge cost around Php750 - and its just one drop! Finally got the chance to catch up with my Mimim: Otti. It’s almost 2 months since we saw each other. Although we talk almost every day and text 24/7, it’s still different when he’s holding my hand, watch him eat, feel him smelling my hair or just sit still and stare at me. What a feeling…I know it’s super duper cheesy but then again I don’t care anymore. I have always been like this and I know you would notice it through my previous blogs. The feeling was just suppressed probably because all those time, it was always “could’ve been”. And now that I have this chance to love freely and fully, why wouldn’t I shout it to the world. In the end, I had to say goodbye to Aly (will write about her in a separate blog) and looking forward to Otti’s arrival come August. So after our escapade in Bohol, which by the way was Sandugo Festival, I went straight to Manila to spend time with Alyssa. Spent most of the time with Otti since Aly still had her classes in JRP. Helped her pack and chat about life and love.

I'm glad I was able to spend time with Otti and Aly. I even gained another friend: Jane - Aly's bestfriend. I'm going to miss Aly and her stories. As well as Tito Alex and Tita Sally...They've always welcomed me to their home everytime I come visit Manila. Aly even said that Otti's move to Cebu is quite the perfect timing since she's also moving to L.A. That way I won't be too sad and lonely...But I'm still gonna miss her.


As Liam Neeson said: I love it when a plan comes together.

Second: Stargazing

It has been close to 4 months now that I've known him. And today we are on our second month as a couple. And I feel so blessed to have him in my life. He came at a perfect time. I am already healed of my past pains and I have come to know myself more. I have proven to myself that I am capable of loving. The moment that I have let go of the desire to be in a relationship, was the moment it all happened. And he loves me. And I've seen it, not just because of his constant reminder thru words but also because of the many small and huge things he did for me, more so the sacrifice he has done and he will be doing.

In two months time he will be moving to Cebu. It would be a huge leap for both of us. I will be helping him with the arrangements and of course be here for him to welcome him to his new home. I hope there will never come a time that he will regret this move.

I haven't written much on how strongly I feel about him. I should someday gather all my thoughts and feelings and write about how he makes me feel. His hand seems so natural when holding mine. Its like it fitted perfectly in between my small fingers. And this is one of my favorite things in the world. Someone holding my hand. And he doesn't let go.

I am in love and so blessed to be in it since this time, the one person I chose to love feels the same way. Ain't that the best birthday gift ever???

@1

I feel ill today.
The people that I love are either ill themselves or is causing me such a headache I just want to scream at them.

Beautiful Tears

I had the best tears last night. Not because I was sad or depressed but simply because I was in the company of great friends. We had a farewell dinner for Andy who's going to venture to a greener pasture in search for a better career. We began laughing even while were still checking the menu at SIAM up until we bid each other goodbye. And the flashback of wonderful memories from my college years came flashing by. I am so grateful for the best laugh I've had in months and it was all because of the reliable humor of Edu and Kathie, Andy and Lomi(Canence) and Yapi...And most people who has seen me laugh would really know that I have tears at the same time. One memory I had with these people was when we were in 3rd year college and we had a 5 hour break. Going home wasn't an option for me since it would take me an hour and 2 jeepney rides to get to my house. So we hanged out at Ipay's place in AS Fortuna(then) and watch 2 movies. After watching the movie, we then discuss the plot, cinematography and other stuff. Or if we had a test, she would just put on some music, we dance around and then quiz ourselves. And voila, we aced the test. These people are the main reason why I would attest that I love college way better than high school as opposed to the majority who would prefer high school. If I were to rank my years in school I would say college, then grade school and then high school. High school was all drama...erggg...the effect of being stuck in an all girls school...

Anyway, I am mostly busy these days doing some hard core programming stuff...I know you can't probably relate but then I arrive at the office around 30 minutes past 9 and go home 12 hours after - the earliest. I should be able to adjust to the learning curve anytime soon.

And lastly...I think...It is my time...to feel so strongly for someone once again. It's a huge risk actually...But every single day that I know something new about him, he reveals something wonderful in his character that somehow makes him worth it. It's through discovering who he is that makes me realize what I want. I never got the chance to figure out what is really important for me when meeting someone up until now. I am praying for this to work. I am inlove and I'm terrified...

I hope I can get the chance:

-to blog again
-to strum my guitar and sing
-to dance like no body's watching
-to cover my feet with sand and listen to the waves
-to watch a lover's moon
-to smell nature after the rain
-to lie on a beach in Moalboal and watch a dozen falling stars
-to drive around town with rolled down windows and U2 playing

I wonder which ones I can achieve soon...

Long Walks in the Park 1

“30 more minutes and we’re there” shouted our trail guide James as we were stopping over a shade. Then I heard him snicker under his breathe and uttered to himself “plus 2 more hours”. He said further “This trek is just a piece of cake, like taking long walks in the park”. The park that he must have been referring to was probably Central Park in New York or Parke del Retiro in Madrid because our hike from Mantalungon proper to Osmeña peak was no where near taking long walks in the park.
Osmeña Peak is known to be the highest peak in Cebu province. Based on actual GPS altitude, it stands approximately 1000 meters above sea level. It is located in the vicinity of Mantalongon, Dalaguete which is known as both the summer capital as well as the vegetable capital of the province. It’s deemed as the mini Baguio of Cebu.
For me it wasn’t just a hike up the mountains and getting in touch with nature. It was conquering something that I’ve feared of doing for such a long time and which my mother feared for me also. You see I am known to be the one in the family who has a recurring case of asthma. And although the last attack was 12 years ago, I still suffer shortened breathing once in a while. But as I asked for permission to go – I still do at the age of 25 – my mother was hesitant because I might not make it through the entire trip. But as stubborn as I am, I insisted upon going because after all we have been planning this since January. So to rid myself of the worry that I might not finish the trek, I tried packing light and stuck to two walking buddies at the beginning of the hike. Along the rugged path, scorching heat, freezing cold and the rough terrains of the mountains of Mantalungon, I’ve discovered rare gems of personality, strong foundation of friendship and an overflowing bag of realization.
• Take baby steps
It’s my first major climb. My uncle, aunt, cousins and I used to take a walk up San Carlos heights in Pardo but it was summers ago that we did that. And in this trip I learned that I need to take small steps to keep my balance. It is difficult to walk straight if you have a ton of weight on your back especially when walking up a hill with just a tiny pathway to walk upon. To your left you’ll find a steep inclination towards the mountain side or those itchy copra plants and weeds. And to your right is a deep drop of the cliff. So it is best to take tiny sure steps even if it will take you a longer time to get to the next stop. Because if you take a huge one, you might be able to catch your breathing or you might feel that awful sensation in your knee that hinders you from taking another huge step forward. Relating it to the broadness of life, it is but wise to take small continuous steps in pursuing your goal. You might sometimes want to make a huge leap but before you do that you need to check that there’s a rock that you can hold on to in case you slip.
• Look ahead once in a while just to check if you are still following the pack but you must keep your sight on the path that you are taking. The walk ways were tricky in the sense that sometimes even if you step on dry land doesn’t assure you that it’s not slippery. When we got the part called as the half moon on traversing to Kawasan falls, the walk way became more difficult as it became narrower. We were all so tired and I for one am trying to regulate my breathing and trying to disregard the scorching sun making its mark on my nape. I was just lazily following the group when all of a sudden I stepped on loose land, slipped and landed on my right leg. I was so caught up with my breathing that I didn’t pay attention to the ground I was walking on. I got blinded by the sun and then I saw a shadow reached out to extend a helping hand…Was it my night in shining armor ready to rescue a damsel in distress? No… It was a very reliable friend ready to pull me up, check if I was injured and then encouraged me to get back to the game.
• If all else fails, improvise!
What could be worse than joining a trek for the first time in one of the most challenging climbs in my history of outdoor activities than to have both soles of my rubber shoes coming off? We were still 3 or 4 hours away from Kawasan falls when I thought that a branch got stuck on my right shoe. I tried kicking it off and then walked for another 5 minutes and realized that it was not a branch that’s adding weight. It was actually me exerting effort to lift my leg to keep my sole from coming off. I had to stop. And embarrassing as it may seem, admitted to our Manila friends what had happened. I wanted to dissolve to the ground and blend in with nature! Then one of they guys named Jim said not to worry and that it happens all the time. He called out one of the members of Accenture Outdoors club who happened to be my school mate in college to help me tie my shoelace around my shoe to keep the soles from coming off. The trick worked and I was able to reach Kawasan falls with the same shoe now with a new design: blue band aids on both tip and shoe laces holding it together.

During that trek I thought I was the weakling who always needs to stop to catch my breath and slow down my heart beat. But then I wasn’t the only one. We are all humans and although some may have more strength and endurance as me but they are not there to scrutinize.

It was difficult but I was able to reach our destination and didn’t get left behind. Why? Because in every difficult moment, even in the most scariest step, there was always somebody to reach out and pull me up or push my back pack so that I could carry on the weight and take the next step up the mountain. I had someone who would accompany me when I stop and encourage me to move forward. There was also someone who would come looking if ever we lost our way. And lastly there were friends who would sing and whistle to make the hard climb seem like just merely taking a walk in the park.

Gravedigger

I've been feeling down lately. Simply because once again people have been pushing me to dig the past. The emotions that have long been put away in a crypt somewhere very deep into the ground have been taken out with just a single shovel. I hate it when I'm interrogated or when people force me to answer them with things they want to hear which composes mostly of intrigue. And so last Saturday, in a beach far away from home, I sat facing the waves, crying like somebody died again. MYSELF. I died again...I wonder how many deaths I must surpass to be able to completely rid myself of this awful feeling of remorse. I know someday I might laugh at this post telling myself that I am being emo today. But I was trembling at that night trying to stop the tears from flowing. I was actually communing with God. Feeling his presence through the wind and hearing his voice through the waves. It seems to me that all the frustrations for the past couple of weeks poured down into one major breakdown. If you are wondering why all this drama, Oh well it doesn't have to do with a guy this time. It has to do with disappointments with work. Lately I've been feeling betrayed, useless, helpless and somehow it seems that all the goal that I have set for myself were all washed down the drain. I can't talk about it here. And I even pray every single day that I may have patience and humility. That I may accept the fact that no matter how much work I put into what I was held responsible before, no matter how much the client appreciates my work, I am dispensable. Its so easy to get rid of me. And the sooner I accept that, the sooner I let go of the once loved work that I had established, the easier it is for me to blend into this new team that I will be working with, moving forward. Okay enough with the sourgraping already...

Anyway, I have to make another plan for me. I still need to 2 more years of experience before I can consider venturing out of the country. Wish me luck with this one guys! Hopefully more posts for this March!

Terrified

I watched American Idol when I woke up and heard this being sung by one of the contestants...

You by the light
Is the greatest find
In a world full of wrong
You're the thing that's right

Finally made it through the lonely
To the other side

Chorus:
You said it again
My heart's in motion
Every word feels like a shooting star
I'm at the edge of my emotions
Watchin' the shadows burnin' in the dark

And I-I-I'm in love (I'm in love)
And I-I-I'm terrified
For the first time
And the last time
In my only life, life

This could be good
It's already better than that
And nothing's worse than knowing you're holding back

I could be all that you needed
If you let me try

Chorus:
You said it again
My heart's in motion
Every word feels like a shooting star
I'm at the edge of my emotions
Watchin' the shadows burnin' in the dark

And I-I-I'm in love (I'm in love)
And I-I-I'm terrified
For the first time
And the last time
In my only life, life

Bridge:
I only said it
'Cause I mean it (ohhhh)
I only mean it
'Cause it's true (ohhhhh)

So don't you doubt
What i've been dreaming
'Cause it keeps me up
It holds me close
Whenever I'm without you

Chorus:
You said it again
My heart's in motion
Every word feels like a shooting star o
I'm at the edge of my emotions
Watchin' the shadows burnin' in the dark

And I-I-I'm in love (I'm in love)
And I-I-I'm terrified
For the first time
And the last time
In my only life, life

I posted the song in my Facebook profile...I'm beginning to think I'm gonna be singing this song single day...

My Funny Valentine

I know I haven’t blogged since I don’t know when.  It’s just that for the past 25 years I have been dreading Valentines Day.  Supposedly a hopeless romantic fool like myself would pine on the coming of this day however, I choose to stay home and watch a very nice chic flick just to let the day pass.  Probably because I already run the scenes in my head, expecting and then ended up feeling disappointed because none of what I imagined came to reality.  Typical. And downright suicidal.  But somehow its different for me this year.  I have learned my lesson.

This year apart from being able to accomplish most of my to-do’s for the day, I had fun playing the Valentine games in our floor, had a great lunch with my close friend Rhea and for the first time in my entire life received a dozen red roses.  I wasn’t expecting anything not because I think of myself as the biggest Valentine loser but simply because for the first time in my entire life too, no one occupies a space in my heart apart from God, family and a few friends.  I know, I would’ve told myself I’m not normal for not liking anyone but you know what, it is actually liberating.  I am not expecting, I am not always on my toes thinking that I might lose the interest of someone special to me, I am not worrying all the time.  I can sleep better at night and I wake up looking forward to another day of productivity and learning.

There’s just one glitch though, the person who gave the flowers didn’t leave any card and told the guard too not to mention where it came from.  So I practically have no idea who to thank.  I would probably post my thank you note in Facebook just incase that person is one of my friends there. 

Anyway, I am currently doing non-delivery work so I might post more blogs moving forward.

Nota bene: To the person who gave the flowers

Thank you so much for being so thoughtful.  I love the flowers.  You made this year’s valentine memorable.  I hope someday I can return the favor.  Not give you flowers but make you smile and be happy.

Rainy Tuesday

the rain pours like tears ever flowing

yet my heart rests at peace

keeping very still

listening to the drops

reminiscing...

good memories

bad ones

they all don't matter

i am living in the now

i am a better person than before

i am stronger, wiser

and yet still full of hope

as i listen to the music you shared

i am once again drawn

to you

to your talent

to the one thing that leads me back

to your talent

to your person

to liking you

more

music i want

more

music i long for

more music

more melody

more of you!

typed this while listening to Emancipator - First Snow.

Guitar Monologue

I read this article in the November issue of Bite magazine and thought I'd make one for my Travis.

We met at her grandma's house, by the terrace where her uncle introduced me to her. You see I came from Thailand but I'm not Thai. I was discovered in a not so recent Asian tour by her namesake. The moment she saw me she hugged my huge body tight and run her fingers through my arm. From then on we had this connection that made us inseparable even if a lot of guys have come by to take her heart and break it. She pounds through me when she's angry and fiddles me when she's inspired. A lot of people loved the music I create but my loyalty sticks with my one and only rock princess. The only fingers that could satisfy the eargasmic music I can resonate are hers and hers alone.  I am hers and she is mine. We are one in music.

~Travis, Bastina's boyfriend~

So how was my weekend?  It was unexpected.  My plans of going jogging and losing a few calories didn't push through.  Apparently there was some emergency that woke me up around 5:21AM.  I wasn't able to go back to sleep because I kept visualizing Wonder Boi's cut finger.  I was late for the exam that I had to facilitate and we even had some technical issues because they didn't prepare the test ahead of time.  I should've gone ahead and printed those tests.  But anyways, the kids (college kids) were cool and I know they were thankful that it was a bit delayed, they still had time to cram.  I was once a crammer!  I should know.  Had lunch with my adopted sister Rona at Brother's Burger after I finished an iced dark mocha at Bo's.  I had a second helping of coffee when I met with Maje, my "classmate in college" as she continually implies on Rona when we met her at Fully Booked rummaging through piles of good read.  I must say, it would be utterly proud of me to even level myself with an aspiring doctor of Philosophy.  I had a good talk with her, catching up, ranting, getting a piece of her mind, giving a piece of mine, nodding and then finally a release of the once burdensome secret.  I was in a state of pure bliss.  We ended the afternoon promising that we would meet again.  I hope she would text me when she goes to Ayala after her class.  My day ended having dinner with my grade school friends.  We hanged out at Coffee bean before that and I ended up walking with Wonder Boi to the office to get Travis.  Strummed and sang again to my heart's content.  That walk made me discover something I shouldn't have.  It makes things complicated.  That night I received a call which makes things even more confusing.  I don't want to listen to my heart this time.  Not yet. I keep telling myself to be logical and realistic.  Hay...Sunday rolled and spent it with mom.  I won't be guilty anymore of not spending enough time with the parents.  We bonded over manipeddy, Jollibee and then Twilight after hearing mass.  I miss hanging out with her.  I promised to take her to New Moon on Friday with my Tita and my cousin Alyssa!

Next week's going to be madness!  Got 2 major events to organize and another upcoming audit.  But I'm once again pumped with adrenaline rush from that phone call...Darn I love hearing his voice...hahaha...Till next weekend!

Best days...

Today was one of the best days of the week. Why?

• I had coffee with Jasmine at Starbucks (yep I'm only 6 stickers away to my very first Starbucks planner). We talked and caught up with all the happenings while she's on her motherly duties to prince Ezri!  The weight I lifted last night weighed tons lighter as soon as I spurted out all my frustrations with work and non-work (if you know what I mean).  Once again she generously shared a piece of her mind on my not so trivial love issues. I just love talking to her and can't help but feel blessed to have such a friend.  I can't wait for our Friday lunch date!
• Someone from my past whom I greatly missed tapped me in the shoulders this afternoon while waiting for my no cream iced coffee to be served.  I was so happy to see my old Philo professor Maje that I instantly hugged her and forgot that I haven't seen her in like 3 years? and she probably would be uncomfortable with me doing so.  But I was just so happy.  She contributed much to my sanity and writing and she practically doesn't have a clue that she made a major impact to how my life is going right now and how I make my decisions.  We'll be having coffee with Maia on Saturday...
• Today I realized I am totally addicted to Tool specifically Maynard's voice.  I posted a link to this song in my facebook account but that was a cover in piano.  I am posting the original by Tool:

Angels on the sideline,
Puzzled and amused.
Why did Father give these humans free will?
Now they're all confused.

Don't these talking monkeys know that
Eden has enough to go around?
Plenty in this holy garden, silly monkeys,
Where there's one you're bound to divide it.
Right in two.

Angels on the sideline,
Baffled and confused.
Father blessed them all with reason.
And this is what they choose.
And this is what they choose...

Monkey killing monkey killing monkey
Over pieces of the ground.
Silly monkeys give them thumbs,
They forge a blade,
And where there's one
they're bound to divide it,
Right in two.
Right in two.

Monkey killing monkey killing monkey.
Over pieces of the ground.
Silly monkeys give them thumbs.
They make a club.
And beat their brother, down.
How they survive so misguided is a mystery.

Repugnant is a creature who would squander the ability to lift an eye to heaven conscious of his fleeting time here.

Cut it all right in two [x4]

Fight over the clouds, over wind, over sky
Fight over life, over blood, over prayer,
overhead and light
Fight over love, over sun,
over another, Fight...

Angels on the sideline again.
Been soon long with patience and reason.
Angels on the sideline again
Wondering when this tug of war will end.

Cut it all right in two [x3]
RIGHT IN TWO!

Right in two...

• And lastly?  I now realized, the year is ending soon but the best is yet to come!

Somebody Slow Me Down

I just can’t get enough of this:

Rushing and racing and running in circles
Moving so fast I'm forgetting my purpose
Blur of the traffic is sending me spinning
Getting nowhere

-         Have I been doing this just to divert my attention? To get my head away from thinking of people whom I think doesn’t even know how much they affect my mood, how my day goes, how safe I feel and how peaceful I am when I lay my head down on my pillow.  Thoughts would always come flooding when I am commuting, while listening to my IPOD.  And I drift, somewhere far from the busy buzz of traffic and people.  My heart and my mind are lost in space.  And I wouldn’t even notice that time has passed and I have gone the distance, I have arrived to where my destination is.  Would my life be like this most of the time?  Fast paced occurrences and events fly by like speed of sound and I wouldn’t even be able to enjoy the tune?  I hope not.

My head and my heart are colliding chaotic
Pace of the world I just wish I could stop it
Try to appear like I've got it together
I'm falling apart

-         There are just those days when I feel so confused and frustrated that it makes me so cranky I don’t even want to talk to anyone about it.  It’s not that I am irritated with everybody but it’s probably because I don’t know how to explain how I feel.  I always end up having my logic and emotions battle it out.  I don’t like the thought of me explaining myself, my thoughts and feelings to someone who doesn’t even know what the word empathy really means.  Like duh! As if they really want to understand.  Most of the time, people just wants to squeeze the truth out of you because they thrive for gossip and feed on rumors.  My best shield in times like this is to shut up and sleep over it.  It’s safer that way because I usually let my emotions get the worst of me and I end up making a fool of myself.

Save me
Somebody take my hand and lead me
Slow me down
Don't let love pass me by
Just show me how
Cause I'm ready to fall
 

–         I hope this time I’ll take time to know myself with the person whom I’m going to be with.  I’ll take my time in getting to know me when I am with him and especially what I am without him.  I hope that person would be able to see more than the goody-toe-shoes persona that people always mistaken me for.  I hope that he will see beyond me being overbearing, powerful, intimidating and think of me as an ally rather than a prize or a competition.  We are all person, individuals with hopes and dreams who loves and believes.  After almost 6 months of mourning, and 2 months of self expression, am I really ready to fall again?  Am I ready to take that risk again?  Is the person who came in the most unexpected time, in the most unexpected place be the one who would be worth getting my heart trampled again?

I am finally able to finish this.  It has been stuck in the drafts in my email.  I stayed till the morning again here in the office.  I hope everything goes well with what I worked late for and I would finally be able to get some decent sleep and get the chance to dream of sneakers. Hehe…I wonder why he always manages to pull me back in when I am about to let go?

I’m going home now because it’s almost 6am!  Time to dream…