Gravedigger

I've been feeling down lately. Simply because once again people have been pushing me to dig the past. The emotions that have long been put away in a crypt somewhere very deep into the ground have been taken out with just a single shovel. I hate it when I'm interrogated or when people force me to answer them with things they want to hear which composes mostly of intrigue. And so last Saturday, in a beach far away from home, I sat facing the waves, crying like somebody died again. MYSELF. I died again...I wonder how many deaths I must surpass to be able to completely rid myself of this awful feeling of remorse. I know someday I might laugh at this post telling myself that I am being emo today. But I was trembling at that night trying to stop the tears from flowing. I was actually communing with God. Feeling his presence through the wind and hearing his voice through the waves. It seems to me that all the frustrations for the past couple of weeks poured down into one major breakdown. If you are wondering why all this drama, Oh well it doesn't have to do with a guy this time. It has to do with disappointments with work. Lately I've been feeling betrayed, useless, helpless and somehow it seems that all the goal that I have set for myself were all washed down the drain. I can't talk about it here. And I even pray every single day that I may have patience and humility. That I may accept the fact that no matter how much work I put into what I was held responsible before, no matter how much the client appreciates my work, I am dispensable. Its so easy to get rid of me. And the sooner I accept that, the sooner I let go of the once loved work that I had established, the easier it is for me to blend into this new team that I will be working with, moving forward. Okay enough with the sourgraping already...

Anyway, I have to make another plan for me. I still need to 2 more years of experience before I can consider venturing out of the country. Wish me luck with this one guys! Hopefully more posts for this March!