Somebody Slow Me Down

I just can’t get enough of this:

Rushing and racing and running in circles
Moving so fast I'm forgetting my purpose
Blur of the traffic is sending me spinning
Getting nowhere

-         Have I been doing this just to divert my attention? To get my head away from thinking of people whom I think doesn’t even know how much they affect my mood, how my day goes, how safe I feel and how peaceful I am when I lay my head down on my pillow.  Thoughts would always come flooding when I am commuting, while listening to my IPOD.  And I drift, somewhere far from the busy buzz of traffic and people.  My heart and my mind are lost in space.  And I wouldn’t even notice that time has passed and I have gone the distance, I have arrived to where my destination is.  Would my life be like this most of the time?  Fast paced occurrences and events fly by like speed of sound and I wouldn’t even be able to enjoy the tune?  I hope not.

My head and my heart are colliding chaotic
Pace of the world I just wish I could stop it
Try to appear like I've got it together
I'm falling apart

-         There are just those days when I feel so confused and frustrated that it makes me so cranky I don’t even want to talk to anyone about it.  It’s not that I am irritated with everybody but it’s probably because I don’t know how to explain how I feel.  I always end up having my logic and emotions battle it out.  I don’t like the thought of me explaining myself, my thoughts and feelings to someone who doesn’t even know what the word empathy really means.  Like duh! As if they really want to understand.  Most of the time, people just wants to squeeze the truth out of you because they thrive for gossip and feed on rumors.  My best shield in times like this is to shut up and sleep over it.  It’s safer that way because I usually let my emotions get the worst of me and I end up making a fool of myself.

Save me
Somebody take my hand and lead me
Slow me down
Don't let love pass me by
Just show me how
Cause I'm ready to fall
 

–         I hope this time I’ll take time to know myself with the person whom I’m going to be with.  I’ll take my time in getting to know me when I am with him and especially what I am without him.  I hope that person would be able to see more than the goody-toe-shoes persona that people always mistaken me for.  I hope that he will see beyond me being overbearing, powerful, intimidating and think of me as an ally rather than a prize or a competition.  We are all person, individuals with hopes and dreams who loves and believes.  After almost 6 months of mourning, and 2 months of self expression, am I really ready to fall again?  Am I ready to take that risk again?  Is the person who came in the most unexpected time, in the most unexpected place be the one who would be worth getting my heart trampled again?

I am finally able to finish this.  It has been stuck in the drafts in my email.  I stayed till the morning again here in the office.  I hope everything goes well with what I worked late for and I would finally be able to get some decent sleep and get the chance to dream of sneakers. Hehe…I wonder why he always manages to pull me back in when I am about to let go?

I’m going home now because it’s almost 6am!  Time to dream…