im not ready to cross that line yet...what does that mean?

Happy new year. Took me a while to update again either due to the lack of inspiration or just plainly can't think of anything to blog about.

After the new year, my life basically is the same. No drastic change there.

I have been drowning myself with reruns, mostly of the Dr.House series. Ahh...Dr. Gregory House is amazing. The entire diagnostics department is absolutely entertaining, which includes Dr. Eric Foreman - the irritating black guy who tries to be like House but could never live up to the standards because he can't stand up to his decisions and can't handle the consequences of his actions, Dr. Robert Chase - the cutie doctor who keeps on second guessing and who's also irritating me since he's such a tattletale, Dr. Allison Cameron - very pretty doctor who's madly inlove with House and although he's not officially part of the team but he still contributes mostly: Dr. James Wilson, the good-hearted oncologist who is House's sole confidant.

Aside from learning a lot of medical stuff which suprisingly doesn't bore me out, I also ran into a couple of realization and life lessons on the series.

But that is not the main reason why I decided to blog today...

Ever since I realized that I had my a rude awakening a couple of months after I hit the floor, it seems that reality keeps on hitting me hard more often than it should. I mean I've already told Cathy that I had a social awakening although I'm not really sure if I understand its meaning or if it applies to what I have discovered of other people's views on life and their reaction to the circumstances that have fallen upon their decision. What am I saying? Well as what I have told my office buddy JP, I realized that I was still too naive of things. That was the night after I drank with one of my batchmates and heard from her very mouth what despicable things she did. Its not that bad actually, its just me questioning the moral aspect of the actions. But lets not talk about her too much because its not my story to tell. But then heck it was still a huge shocker. And then I got over it. I was okay for a couple of weeks and then I questioned myself again. Its a battle basically between what is morally right and what is not. What does morality have to do with any of this rude awakening? Actually, its finding out that what I thought was morally incorrect is actually acceptable in this day and age. Then I go back to the blog furies I had before about me being judged as a moralist which for me was unacceptable. But then again setting the meaning of a moralist aside, should I consider myself a moralist? Is it such a bad thing?

And what does this soul searching got anything to do with the title of this blog?

Well I was supposed to have my first real date tonight but then he blew me off... And that was his reason: I'M NOT READY TO CROSS THAT LINE YET... I didn't for a second think or rather couldn't think. I mean I wasn't supposed to say yes to his invitation for coffee since I bailed out on my friends for dinner basically because I didn't want to rush after dinner going to work. And I wouldn't like the feeling of not getting enough time to talk and catch up. My apologies to Louise and Ian. Then he called and told me he wanted to have a little chat over coffee before my shift and well I did consider thinking it would be a good adventure and experience to go through. I admit I was a bit hesitant and excited at the same time. I know how pathetic of me.

Why hesitant? because he's not exactly the type of guy you want me to go out with. I mean I haven't actually fully defined my ideal guy but to be honest he's far from my ideal ideal guy...hehehe...

continuation....

So as I was saying this guy asked me to coffee and blew me off. I was expecting that but then I was even pissed at myself for believing this romance could happen to me NOW! I'm not saying that I'm getting pessimistic on that part but then again... So here I am, trying to get over the very thought of what happened. He did go to the office and he was like several feet away from me but then he could walk to my cubicle to talk to me and apologized but he didn't instead he IMed me and well he did say he was sorry.

I don't want to dwell more on this matter anymore. There I've written it and I'm so over!