I went out tonight...Our supposed team building turned out to be just a night out with some of non-Janet team like Shine and her bf Pare, Tess and JP...don't know what happened to my 5 other team mates. I had too much laughter, a couple bottles of beer and a whole lotta cigarette smoke to my face and I'm all good...
Had several realizations...
~that if I'm with the right group of friends, I won't be lonely...
~that I don't easily give into temptation...
~that I still am not drunk with 2 bottles of red horse
~that if I try so hard, I can push my mind to delete his memory, even the very thought of his name
~that in fairness, when I looked at the mirror, even if I was a bit tipsy, I wasn't ashamed of what I saw...
As what John said in his tag that I only question my beliefs if I'm with a company who doesn't seem to agree to my beliefs...And I thought long and hard as to who exactly in my set of company contradicts or opposses my values...and guess who popped my mind...my cousin...TSAI...yep...we're of the same age, of the same family lineage, the same school except for college, used to have the same interest but totally differnt personality...We're completely opposite. And it hit me that the very moment we hanged out was the beginning of my soul searching.
But some other cause for this internal crisis is the very person who inspires me. The very guy who consumes most of my idle time, my mind, the songs, the pictures and the moments. Yep, and you want to know why he causes all this personal dilemma? Because I realized that I want to stop myself from thinking that I have fallen because I have not known what it is to really fall...
So to John who have become one of my trusted confidants, I am grateful because in spite of us not having to talk that much, me not a part of your world now, you have so generously given me a part of your time, to think things through...
To Angelie who have constantly read my blogs, thanks so much for being so honest and straight forward with your thoughts...
To all those who read but won't give a piece of their mind... I appreciate your dropping by...at least you cared to know how my life goes...
TO: him...
I don't want to fall if I'm not sure
I don't want to love you if I haven't found a part of myself
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