i feel empty

That's what Merideth said in her bathroom talking to Christina when she learned that Derick's wife is in town, let alone working also in the same hospital they were working as interns. I know I watch too much of Grey's Anatomy but I can't help it. I feel like I have to know what's gonna happen next. I don't actually relate to the character's situation but I can surely relate to how they feel.

NOw why in the world do I feel empty?

For one it just occured to me that it has been a month since I quit my job for a more promising career in Accenture, or so I believe. But up to know I still don't have a start date. And because of my total freak out over this and over the million people who kept asking me when I'm going to Manila, I decided to apply for a job here in Cebu. Imagine my dilemma when I called our recruiter in Accenture and confirmed that I am still on this and that they're processing my papers now. As per the recruiter: "Maghintay hintay lang po tayo kase priniprocess pa po namin ang application ninyo...Huwag lang po tayo mainip!" Well I can't blame me for being anxious not having heard from them in weeks after mailing the contract and requirements. I wasn't expecting a phone call but an email could have erased any doubt from my mind that I do have a job in Accenture.---- to make things simpler ---- I AM STILL JOBLESS!

Next reason why I feel empty is that it seems that I have lost that lovely feeling... I don't want to say it out loud because the last time I did that I fell harder than before, ended up eating my own vomit~ imagine that~. I'm trying to assess whether the feeling is still there or not. And what's funny and creepy is that he didn't just appear when I was already in 5th year but he was there since I entered college. I just didn't acknowledge his presence. As I was reading my diary to those times I've already forgotten, a lot of things hit me. There were a lot of could-have-beens but I was such a coward to admit that my dear friend has indeed fallen for me. The moment I realized that I ran away, drift off to another dimension of friends. When I got back to earth, they were still there but once again, that lovely feeling they had for me was gone, gone with the wind! Maybe the next time somebody asks me why I don't have a boyfriend yet I would admit that I wasn't ready yet.

QUESTION IS:

Am I ready now?