It seems that I'm feeling crappy lately...It could be because I've realized from our Moalboal trip that there is no spark between me and him...It could be because I have come to feel weary with this current job that I have...It could be that I'm just so fed up with putting up with the same people who I try to protect, I try to please, I try to love... I should humble myself with this people, they're the only family that I have but sometimes my blacksheep cousin makes sense. My life shouldn't be dictated, not even by my own parents.
AM I OLD ENOUGH?
I think I am...To make my own decisions and stand by them. To make mistakes and learn from them. To speak my thoughts(still needs practice, more practice) and convey my emotions in a verbal manner. But I can't even tell my brother that I'm pissed because he's being a pain the ass nor could I have the gutts to show him how I truly feel (not referring to my brother but to somebody else)....
Currently I am battling this demon of being selfish and being selfless...So which is which? should I think of mostly myself and enjoy life to the fullest or remain in this cage and exert all effort to bring joy to my family?
Does that mean that to live fully is to do what ever it takes to attain what I wanted, to have what I longed for with out considering the feelings of other people most especially those who mean the most to me?
Could I really be that selfish?
So now why do I want to rebel? to go against the current? to defy the norms?
Is this the sign that I am tired of how I live my life? People who barely know me always mistook me as someone who's a goody-two-shoes. Well news flash: I am not!
Its the end of my shift now, I can barely open my eyes... I need sleep, I need a very long sleep...
check out the picture below:
Just a taste of our Moalboal/Kawasan excursion...I really love this pic!
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