One of those Days!!!
I’m not myself tonight...Well not my strong self that is. Passivity and paranoia over things keep haunting me right now. I just finished textin’ my friend and planned for a hook up this Saturday night. Haven’t seen some people for ages now and well the only way I could snatch them from their busy schedule is when I declare that I will celebrate my birthday! Yeah... Its really that hard...Anyway, back to my self loathing...
It seems that this is always the case with me. I meet some guy, spends time with him, becomes his friend then eventually turns into his close friend that I would almost seem like a best friend and end up falling for that guy...Arggg...Its really frustrating! Its like my relationships seem to have a pattern of some sort. What sucks is that in the end, when I have given all of me (well not really all of me), when I have finally let my defenses down and raised the white flag of my heart, they ran off with some girl who they think is right for them. My heart might have scared them off...Or maybe they think of me as a sister and feels weird...
I know what my problem is...Its my heart. Or is it my entire being that’s causing all this sad and lonely life stories to occur. *Sigh* Fate is playing tricks on me. When will it ever stop spinning and finally point the bottle towards my very existence? When will all this convincing that there is or there is nothing there for me to hope for? Why is it always end up being this complicated?
I know I must live my life by the moment and be grateful for what I am, what I have achieved and what I have right this very instant...I have no right whatsoever to ask for more than this...
So I’ll shut up now and swallow this lump that’s slowly filling up my throat!
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